Good afternoon, I am the devil and I welcome you to the eternal fire of damnation.

I do love it when new souls come and stay. People have just been so good lately that numbers down here have been dwindling. That will just not do!

Now to the rules. I do ask that you not scream excessively loudly. I realise that the flames are extremely hot, however there have been reports of new arrivals hearing blood curdling sounds and this has caused a number of them to rapidly change their minds and shoot off upstairs. The walls are supposed to be soundproof, but every time maintenance comes to look at it, they get burned to a crisp.

Your heart will be beating rapidly as you enter the pit but please do it in an orderly fashion. I pride myself in running an organised establishment.

Once again, I welcome you.