Humor Fiction posted April 24, 2020 Chapters:  ...37 38 -39- 40... 

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Day 38 Living inside

A chapter in the book The Corona saga

I Lost it!

by Iza Deleanu

I decided to document how this virus is affecting my sanity. So feel free to join me in this experience, I hope the reading will become funnier, then what I posted so far. Thank you for reading.
Day 38
April 23, 2020

Today I lost it! I can't stand this No Go out Policy. Whoever came up with this idea, must have been an introvert. I guess for these types of guys it's business as usual. Moreover, the people who used to work from home alone, now probably are wishing to work from an office outside the house. Oh, man they closed the Starbuck, so no office space there. The libraries are closed too.

For the working from home class, this working from home is not a dream job anymore; they are prisoners of their own families. You should hear their prayers: "Dear God, please take this Coronella away, and help me take these kids to school and send my wife to work. I need to hear my thoughts. If this goes longer, I swear I am going to lose it. I already drink more than the usual and smoke like a broken chimney. I freaking lost it!"

I heard about the cabin fever and I thought that I will never get to meet it in person.But here she is: I got it! I wish to be somewhere in the middle of the forest in a cabin close to a lake. I wish to watch some ducks playing in the water...and I don't mind a bear or a couple of cubs too. Ha, Ha, Ha anything, but not my no name reality. On the other hand I shouldn't complain, there are people that are wishing to be locked and... alive!

Oh, wait; this is not the cabin fever they were talking about. Well, whatever! Who cares, this is my own interpretation of this concept. I know I lost it! After all it's my fever, so I can spend it as I like it. I don't see myself losing it on somebody else, and starting to shoot people for sport or from boredom. That is not my style!

I love my family, but I am fed up seeing the same faces every second. I can recite their schedule with my eyes closed. Kitties: wake up at 5 am, feeding them; chase them to give their medicine for their teeth. Time to start work; I am opening my computer at 6.30 am. I leave something from our Intranet page to play in the background, so I can arrange my battle field or the so called working from home improvisation of a desk - office. Sorry I am not cheating or maybe just a little. Consider this to be my morning coffee break.

6.45 a.m. husband walks in my office, aka kitchen. I am in his way to the food store, le fridge. Please, believe me; I am not in his way by choice, of course. This is my office right now. Whoever was the architect of this apartment has not thought about making the space bigger between the appliances, the island aka table, and the door to the other bedroom. How are you supposed to go through a lock down with these living arrangements?

Starting with this year, the architects will be forced, when they design an apartment, to have a secret space where you can escape future pandemic. I heard with 2020, the World organization is instituting a pandemic at least once a year. They say this will be the norm!

Let's go back to the 6.45- aha I lost it, moment. Every morning the same thing: "Where is the coffee, or where is my breakfast? Have you seen my glasses? Did you feed the kittens?"

So, I finally lost it! Before he started asking me the same question I jump in:
"Breakfast? Check MacDonald's, they have a Drive Through option! Ah, your glasses? Try your nose! Kitties? They are sleeping aka got their bottles! And get out from my office, right now! Don't you know that I am officially at work! If, you forgot I work 6.30 to 4, and, not 9 to 5. Please, no more bulldozing my working place. Keep left! Don't talk to me! Pretend I am not here!"

He started to say something: "But..."

"No, butttsssssssssss! I am not in the mood for that!"

Yup, I lost it! What was I doing last year on this day? Oh, yeah, I was making plans for my return home. I was counting the days until my trip back to Romania to see my family and my dad, who lost it too? He died last October ... without saying goodbye. In a way it was better that way, now for sure he will be one of the Coronella's victims. He had cancer, and if I think the way he died, looked a lot like Coronella one on one. His lungs filled with liquid... sounds familiar?

What I am doing this year? Well I'm supposed to go and see my mom in July, but who knows if Coronella will allow it! So what I am doing today? I don't know! Lately every day is the same. Can you believe that I had to ask my Boss, what day is today? Monday to Sunday, it's a perpetual Sunday with Monday working tasks.

I lost it! I feel like going out and screaming:" Coronella vieni qua! Let's fight this over! What do you want from me? You are so freaking unclear! I look around and I don't know who got you and who not! I bet you can't get me! I am too crazy for your liking!"

I am afraid that I am going to go cuckoo, like that guy from Nova Scotia, or maybe not. I hate guns; my weapons are the ...tears. And right now I am crying every day. I am worried sick about my family in Romania. My family here is ok, they are used to me going nachos on them. But now is more than my usual... I just lost it!

I want to be by myself. I choose a spot in my mind, an island, preferably deserted. I am there with my kitties that are fishing for me. For once I will be the Master, and they the servents. My dream is to sit on the shore and enjoying without restriction the sun and the waves of my beloved sea. My problem is not social distancing; my actual problem is not going out in the sun or whatever rain, snow the nature throws at me.

Here she goes! My Boss is calling me! Man, I hate these conference calls, the reception is poor, and you say something and they hear something different! This is the worst time to have an accent! And then you have the horrible Internet connection. What do you think? We have 500 apartments in one huge building.

Everybody is using the same provider. So I lost it, I mean I lost the connection and the notes that I was taking for my team. Instead of screaming, I just send a message to my Boss, that I am working to restore my connection, Internet connection, of course! I can't tell her that I lost it, and that I went outside for a walk.

Coronella or not, I am done! I don't want to hurt my family, so here I come: "Coronella are you ready for me? Let's fight it out! I brought you a present especially from Heaven. Here you go have some blessed water!"

I am closing my eyes and imagine her reaction. She is sizzling. I am mocking her:" Well, I think you have a fever. How do you feel to die from your own poison?"

Brett Matthew West Prose Challenge contest entry

I am using Coronella instead of Corona, I think is sound funnier:)
For my readers and reviewers, please forgive me for my bad English, since is my third language, I am using this cheap excuse to ask for your help in correcting the grammar and the other mistakes
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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