| Humor Fiction posted April 15, 2020 | Chapters: |
...30 31 -32- 33... 
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Day 31
A chapter in the book The Corona saga
Survival
by Iza Deleanu
| Background decided to document how this virus is affecting my sanity. So feel free to join me in this experience, I hope the reading will become funnier, then what I posted so far. Thank you for reading. |
April 16, 2020
Day 31
Looking back...I wake up, on the 1st of March in panic mode. It hit us! She's here, and I am not prepared. Since it started in Asia, I am in total denial. It will not come to Canada, so I run for a week in Cuba, enjoying the sun and the water. I am grateful for this escapade. Who knows? It might be the last one for years to come.
When I returned to Canada, I heard it went to Cuba courtesy a la Italiano. That was in February. It's the 1st of March, 2020, and it's snowing again. In Romania, they are preparing for Spring; here, we wish for a Merry Christmas. In Edmonton, it's been snowing since September, I am not sure that we will get any summer this year. But we will see.
Everyday, less and less people, are showing for work. People around me are disappearing. They are going into self-isolation. I am still going to work, thinking that is a joke. Suddenly I remember, The Walking Dead... this is how it started!
Finally, my boss gives in and lets me work from home.
The government is requesting us to stay inside. Not a fun arrangement, but I am happy; at least I have a place to park. And if I stay inside, I should be just fine.
After a week I give in and start searching, like everybody else, for essential: toilet paper, masks, disinfectant... Man! I am too late for all of the above.
A guy from work heard from the grapevine about my lack of success in acquiring those products and calls me:
- Do you still need hand sanitizer?
- Yes I do, why?
- I know a guy who stashed all the designer's one, the one that keeps your hands fluffy. But it's 50 CAD a 30 ml bottle.
- Curious, I am tentatively trying... what the heck 50 CAD for 30 ml? That's a lot!
Then I am looking at my hands and making a calculation: panic will make me wash my hands non-stop, so when I am going to use that expensive hand sanitizer? I mentally measure the bottle and finally give my verdict: Nein !
- You want nine? Wow, you must be desperate!
- No, man, no, I don't want any! I can make my own with less money. I am purchasing from Amazon Aloe Vera Gel, then I am purchasing alcohol and some essential oils. I am good to go for at least a month!
The guy tries to convince me that what he offers it's a good investment!
- Listen, matre, I can get the ingredients on Amazon, so thank you, but no, thank you!
I start surfing on Amazon; they have some stuff, but China? No, I don't want to wait for two months and get some fake products from there. Pardon my racism, but we did receive in Canada some defective products for the hospitals, from mother China, this is why I am going loco. I am buying local and support the local economy. So I am buying only Aloe Vera...
As usual, in time of crisis, the network kicks in. My Romanian friend, who lives in Edmonton, gives me a couple of websites from Canada and I find everything that I need. I never thought that I am going to spend 500 CAD on non-essential before and vitals now. I ordered surgical masks, gloves, disinfectant, and alcohol to make my hand sanitizer.
Let me tell you something about the masks. They had green, blue, pink and black. Hell no! I am not wearing black! The last thing I want to hear is: nice burka or how are you ninja? So I went for... pink, I know color doesn't matter, but since we are all masked I wanted for people to know that I am a girl. So I chose a pack of pink masks and pink gloves. I wanted to bring some color in those grey grocery stores. They finally come... blue. Is this making me a boy now?
For the first time in history, people around the globe don't give a damn about their daily looks. They care more about toilet paper, disinfectant, gloves and masks. Really people, masks?
We all wear the same last week designer PJ, and our hair style it's jungle style or rasta style. What communism couldn't achieve... well leave it to Coronella, she sent us home. Our buildings are our concentration camps... Dare to go out: you may get a very expensive fine, a bullet or a holy beating. Exact like in Communist times!
It's been 24 days since Coronella come into town! After 24 days, I am talking to myself and fighting with the cats, I am walking with my husband ... on a leash, and pretending to take out the trash at least 4 times a day. Yup, the trash is my exotic trip and I make sure to drag my feet so I can enjoy this solo escapade.
Thank you Coronella for the finest time of izolela with my lovely enemies. Old news: South Korea just got a second wave! Is this shit forever? Please give me some Cloroxella to kill the Coronella once and for all!
Day 31
Looking back...I wake up, on the 1st of March in panic mode. It hit us! She's here, and I am not prepared. Since it started in Asia, I am in total denial. It will not come to Canada, so I run for a week in Cuba, enjoying the sun and the water. I am grateful for this escapade. Who knows? It might be the last one for years to come.
When I returned to Canada, I heard it went to Cuba courtesy a la Italiano. That was in February. It's the 1st of March, 2020, and it's snowing again. In Romania, they are preparing for Spring; here, we wish for a Merry Christmas. In Edmonton, it's been snowing since September, I am not sure that we will get any summer this year. But we will see.
Everyday, less and less people, are showing for work. People around me are disappearing. They are going into self-isolation. I am still going to work, thinking that is a joke. Suddenly I remember, The Walking Dead... this is how it started!
Finally, my boss gives in and lets me work from home.
The government is requesting us to stay inside. Not a fun arrangement, but I am happy; at least I have a place to park. And if I stay inside, I should be just fine.
After a week I give in and start searching, like everybody else, for essential: toilet paper, masks, disinfectant... Man! I am too late for all of the above.
A guy from work heard from the grapevine about my lack of success in acquiring those products and calls me:
- Do you still need hand sanitizer?
- Yes I do, why?
- I know a guy who stashed all the designer's one, the one that keeps your hands fluffy. But it's 50 CAD a 30 ml bottle.
- Curious, I am tentatively trying... what the heck 50 CAD for 30 ml? That's a lot!
Then I am looking at my hands and making a calculation: panic will make me wash my hands non-stop, so when I am going to use that expensive hand sanitizer? I mentally measure the bottle and finally give my verdict: Nein !
- You want nine? Wow, you must be desperate!
- No, man, no, I don't want any! I can make my own with less money. I am purchasing from Amazon Aloe Vera Gel, then I am purchasing alcohol and some essential oils. I am good to go for at least a month!
The guy tries to convince me that what he offers it's a good investment!
- Listen, matre, I can get the ingredients on Amazon, so thank you, but no, thank you!
I start surfing on Amazon; they have some stuff, but China? No, I don't want to wait for two months and get some fake products from there. Pardon my racism, but we did receive in Canada some defective products for the hospitals, from mother China, this is why I am going loco. I am buying local and support the local economy. So I am buying only Aloe Vera...
As usual, in time of crisis, the network kicks in. My Romanian friend, who lives in Edmonton, gives me a couple of websites from Canada and I find everything that I need. I never thought that I am going to spend 500 CAD on non-essential before and vitals now. I ordered surgical masks, gloves, disinfectant, and alcohol to make my hand sanitizer.
Let me tell you something about the masks. They had green, blue, pink and black. Hell no! I am not wearing black! The last thing I want to hear is: nice burka or how are you ninja? So I went for... pink, I know color doesn't matter, but since we are all masked I wanted for people to know that I am a girl. So I chose a pack of pink masks and pink gloves. I wanted to bring some color in those grey grocery stores. They finally come... blue. Is this making me a boy now?
For the first time in history, people around the globe don't give a damn about their daily looks. They care more about toilet paper, disinfectant, gloves and masks. Really people, masks?
We all wear the same last week designer PJ, and our hair style it's jungle style or rasta style. What communism couldn't achieve... well leave it to Coronella, she sent us home. Our buildings are our concentration camps... Dare to go out: you may get a very expensive fine, a bullet or a holy beating. Exact like in Communist times!
It's been 24 days since Coronella come into town! After 24 days, I am talking to myself and fighting with the cats, I am walking with my husband ... on a leash, and pretending to take out the trash at least 4 times a day. Yup, the trash is my exotic trip and I make sure to drag my feet so I can enjoy this solo escapade.
Thank you Coronella for the finest time of izolela with my lovely enemies. Old news: South Korea just got a second wave! Is this shit forever? Please give me some Cloroxella to kill the Coronella once and for all!
How Has Covid-19 Affected You? contest entry
 Recognized |
I am using Coronella instead of Corona, Cloroxella instead of Chlorine and izolela instead of isolation, I think sounds funnier:)
For my readers and reviewers, please forgive me for my bad English, since is my third language, I am using this cheap excuse to ask for your help in correcting the grammar and the other mistakes.
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and 2 member cents. For my readers and reviewers, please forgive me for my bad English, since is my third language, I am using this cheap excuse to ask for your help in correcting the grammar and the other mistakes.
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