| Satire Fiction posted March 20, 2020 | Chapters: |
...7 8 -9- 
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real story
A chapter in the book The Book of Miracles
The working Snake
by Iza Deleanu
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
| Background This book is about the adventure of an immigrant from Eastern Europe, in search for a better life. |
I call her the working Snake. I am talking about my Boss, who thinks that is God! She always says:" I am working hard, and I am expecting the same from my team!"
I mumble to myself:" You work us hard, you mother fucker Snake! You drive us "nuts-chos" with your contradictory orders, and we never rise up to your stupid expectation. So why bother?"
The Snake is executing a 360-grade rotation:" What did you say?"
I pull up my fake smile:" Yes, Boss, we work .... Smart, I mean hard, tough Boss!" Man, she works me hard all right. I lost 10 pounds since I join her kingdom or should I say doom-dom. My friends are doing keto, I am doing snaketo. I am missing from my fat inventory 4 pounds every week.
I can see my friends admiring my new acquired figure: "Look at Ray Ray, she is so thin."
Poor me, I lost my interest in life, and my lovely engineer has not seen a Mona Lisa smile for the past month. My house it's a freaking embargo since I am working for her. There's no sunshine when Snake comes...
Since I started this job, I learned to play and fake... a lot! All the tasks she gives us are water balloons that are dissipating in thin air when the new task annihilates the previous one.
If you get the chance to work for the Snake, you will become in short time the best tennis player that ever existed on this planet. Mr. Tennis Player, you don't have to be good at this, because with the Snake you will automatically end up in "game over". The Snake is always right, after all it is the BOSS!
Ray Ray, you need a break, so take the stress leave, or you will go kamikaze on the Snake. Life is too precious, so take a break. Money and fame, makes you insane. Yup the last one was for that peach of a Snake.
*****
Hurray I’m back to work, the Snake is attacking me again, but this time I am prepared, no more bullshit missy! I have my ticket out of this shitty hole; I got a different job SAYANORA! You cannot treat me like I am nothing, like I don’t exist! I have a voice, I earned my voice, working here for 10 years, working and paying my taxes in time. Falling and standing up, finding my voice.
The Snake huddle us in a meeting room. I am bracing myself for the impact. The Snake oblige: "You from Eastern Europe! your English is not Canadian enough for this job, what do you have to say?" Diabolically I start laughing, I lift my shoulders and using a Chinese accent I say:” No English! No English!”
I love Canada; I have learnt so many languages and accents, that I lost my own. People are stopping me on the street to ask me: are you Russain? Perhaps Ukrainian or even Polish? I always smile and say: I have Russian friends, I am going to an Ukrainian church and my coworkers are Polish. By the way I am Romanian. Since I am in Canada I learnt a little bit of Hindi, a little bit of Italian and French.One of my best friends is from Lebanon, the other one is from Bulgaria, and recently I acquired an Italian friend. God, I love Canada. I moved here precisely for this: multiculturalism and diversity.
The Snake is smoking, I think right now she reached level five. She is a freaking Dragon, one of the Deaneries dragons. “How do you dare to make fun of me?" I continued : "Anglesi nehi, nehi!" (I don’t know how to write in hindi, but this is how you pronounce No English). Then calmly I sit down and push towards her a French dictionary:” Madame Le Serpent vous êtes libres de faire toute ce que vous voudrez, voici ma démission” The Snake start screaming:” What? What are you saying?”
I stand up and push towards her another dictionary, the Oxford English Dictionary. I am resigning anyway so I don’t care: “Here you go, you fucking Snake, my gift to you, an Oxford Dictionary, use it for the words that you don’t understand! Go and knock yourself over!” I am out of here:” - Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité! Sayonara P(bitch)each ! The Snake is speachless, wow, that’s a first !
I mumble to myself:" You work us hard, you mother fucker Snake! You drive us "nuts-chos" with your contradictory orders, and we never rise up to your stupid expectation. So why bother?"
The Snake is executing a 360-grade rotation:" What did you say?"
I pull up my fake smile:" Yes, Boss, we work .... Smart, I mean hard, tough Boss!" Man, she works me hard all right. I lost 10 pounds since I join her kingdom or should I say doom-dom. My friends are doing keto, I am doing snaketo. I am missing from my fat inventory 4 pounds every week.
I can see my friends admiring my new acquired figure: "Look at Ray Ray, she is so thin."
Poor me, I lost my interest in life, and my lovely engineer has not seen a Mona Lisa smile for the past month. My house it's a freaking embargo since I am working for her. There's no sunshine when Snake comes...
Since I started this job, I learned to play and fake... a lot! All the tasks she gives us are water balloons that are dissipating in thin air when the new task annihilates the previous one.
If you get the chance to work for the Snake, you will become in short time the best tennis player that ever existed on this planet. Mr. Tennis Player, you don't have to be good at this, because with the Snake you will automatically end up in "game over". The Snake is always right, after all it is the BOSS!
Ray Ray, you need a break, so take the stress leave, or you will go kamikaze on the Snake. Life is too precious, so take a break. Money and fame, makes you insane. Yup the last one was for that peach of a Snake.
*****
Hurray I’m back to work, the Snake is attacking me again, but this time I am prepared, no more bullshit missy! I have my ticket out of this shitty hole; I got a different job SAYANORA! You cannot treat me like I am nothing, like I don’t exist! I have a voice, I earned my voice, working here for 10 years, working and paying my taxes in time. Falling and standing up, finding my voice.
The Snake huddle us in a meeting room. I am bracing myself for the impact. The Snake oblige: "You from Eastern Europe! your English is not Canadian enough for this job, what do you have to say?" Diabolically I start laughing, I lift my shoulders and using a Chinese accent I say:” No English! No English!”
I love Canada; I have learnt so many languages and accents, that I lost my own. People are stopping me on the street to ask me: are you Russain? Perhaps Ukrainian or even Polish? I always smile and say: I have Russian friends, I am going to an Ukrainian church and my coworkers are Polish. By the way I am Romanian. Since I am in Canada I learnt a little bit of Hindi, a little bit of Italian and French.One of my best friends is from Lebanon, the other one is from Bulgaria, and recently I acquired an Italian friend. God, I love Canada. I moved here precisely for this: multiculturalism and diversity.
The Snake is smoking, I think right now she reached level five. She is a freaking Dragon, one of the Deaneries dragons. “How do you dare to make fun of me?" I continued : "Anglesi nehi, nehi!" (I don’t know how to write in hindi, but this is how you pronounce No English). Then calmly I sit down and push towards her a French dictionary:” Madame Le Serpent vous êtes libres de faire toute ce que vous voudrez, voici ma démission” The Snake start screaming:” What? What are you saying?”
I stand up and push towards her another dictionary, the Oxford English Dictionary. I am resigning anyway so I don’t care: “Here you go, you fucking Snake, my gift to you, an Oxford Dictionary, use it for the words that you don’t understand! Go and knock yourself over!” I am out of here:” - Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité! Sayonara P(bitch)each ! The Snake is speachless, wow, that’s a first !
This story is real, last year I was forced to quite a very well payed job, because the Boss was insane.
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