Setting(s): Russians Boris and Victor are in a small office that has a phone, headphones and a computer. They speak English with thick Russian accents.

Mick Guinness and his grandson Patrick are in Mick's office inside of Mick's mansion in Dublin, Ireland. They are also standing next to a phone and a computer. They speak English with an Irish brogue.

Boris: Where you goin'?
Victor: Leavin', done for the day.
Not yet your not.
What do you mean?
I need your voice Victor, for one more call.
Can't do it Boris. (Victor checks the mirror) I got a T time.
I need your Irish brogue for one more stooge. This guy, Guinness... He's old, he's soft, he's a fish ready to bite the bait. Guaranteed. Now come on.
You come on Boris. I told ya, I got a T time at the club. I wanna break in this new driver. (Victor practices a golf swing) The ball just flies right off the head.
It's gonna have to fly later. This guy's a leprechaun sittin' on a pot of gold.
You do it. I gotta go, the green's a waitin'. So N O (Victor grabs his coat and keys and heads for the door.)
Ten grand.
Ten G's?
Yup.
What is it about this fish?
He's got a platinum gold card, no limit.
Ya? And no security behind it?
No, I checked. I guess he has trust issues.
No, I don't buy it.
Buy what? That he's platinum? Look.(They both look at the computer screen.)
No way... Boris, your crazy.
I know. And this is the Galway Bay of crazy.
The C.E.O of Guinness? Are you out of your mind?
Almost. And when you real him in, I'll cross that line and... Who know's? Start sheerin' sheep in Dublin. Now your gonna do this.
Or what?
Or I tell Slevenka you've been fooling around.
No I haven't.
What is that you do every time you go golfing?
Golf.
Before golf?
Boris, what are you saying?
What I'm saying is that, before you even swing a club, you go for a different hole in one.(Boris shows him a picture of Victor and a woman kissing behind the dumpster of the golf club.)
You were following me?
Of coarse. We're scammers. What did you think?... It stops here.
Boris.
Great place to take your mistress Victor. Behind a giant container of trash.
I can't believe you followed me.
I can. Now let's go, he's home.
OK Boris.
(Boris shows Victor his head phones) I'll be listening. Now get to it.

In Dublin Ireland are Mick Guinness and his grandson Patrick. They stand in Mick's office inside of his mansion.
So that's it Grandpa. Once someone mentions that their from your credit card company, you just push this button on the side of the phone, and it activates the system.
Oh Patrick, your a genius of a lad. They're gonna love you in the states.(phone rings.) Oh what timing. It's like the devil knows we're home.
Answer it Grandpa. And remember, credit card company, push the button.
OK Patti.(ring, ring)...Hello?

Hello, may I speak to Mick Guinness please?

This is Mick.

Mr. Guinness, my name is Connor McGwire from Buyers Express Credit and I'm calling to say that your card has been used for some rather expensive purchases and I just need to clarify that it was you who made those purchases.(Mick looks at Patrick. Winks, nods and presses the button. Immediately Patrick logs onto the computer that shows an aerial view of earth.)

You don't say Mr. McGwire? What kind of items has she purchased this time?(Patrick makes hand gestures to Mick to stay on the line.)

Oh you just said it Mr. Guinness. As plain as a sunset over the cliffs of Moher on a fine spring day.

Said what Mr. McGwire?

She, Mr. Guinness. Your old Irish Rose. Who seems to have one foot in a patch of four leaf clovers and the other on the floor of a department store spending your hard earned money. Now I don't mean any disrespect Mr. Guinness. Heck, my little pony has gone through my savings like a rainbow over the bay in Limerick City.

Oh, those were the days Mr. McGwire.(Patrick again signals to Mick to keep talking as the computer screen zooms in on New York City, America.)

Right they were Mr. Guinness. Right they were... Now I don't wanna take up to much of your time and I know that you have a no-limit platinum card with us and our records indicate that your card was used to purchase a shark skin leather jacket for $5000 as well as a solid gold harp for $125,000. Is that correct sir?(Patrick again gestures Mick to keep talking as a red light blinks on the computer screen over Manhattan.)

Sweet holy Miss Foley! She's done it again.(Patrick sees the red light blinking faster just above a building on 5th Avenue, a second later it zooms in on the 10th floor, right corner window. He signals Mick to keep talking as he quickly starts typing.) Sharkskin jacket, solid gold harp. I don't wear it. I don't play it. Where will it end? When will she stop? My goodness Mr. McGwire.

Back at Boris and Victor's office.
Slow down Mr. Guinness, slow down. Like a nice bowl of Irish stew. Meant to be eatin' nice and slow. Now all I need is your card number to confirm that the purchased items were used with your card by you, obviously not in this case sir, or by someone with your permission and knowledge of the act of said purchases and not some slime movin' con artist tryin' to get one over on ya.

OK Mr. McGwire. Just bear with me while I take a second and find me card.

(Victor puts Mick on speaker phone and gives Boris the thumbs up...As the sound of shuffling papers come out of the speaker phone, Victor and Boris high five. Victor then practices his golf swing while Boris combs his hair and smiles in the mirror.)

Are you still there Mr. McGwire?

Yes Mr. Guinness, I'm here.(Just then, a loud knock at the door puzzles Boris and Victor. Boris goes over to open it.)

My number is s c r e w y o u.

(Upon opening the door, Boris and Victor are stunned to see three F.B.I. agents, Manhattan Division, walk into the office with badges and identification showing. Victor shamefully looks at a golf ball on his desk.)

I knew I shoulda went golfin'.