| Humor Fiction posted February 4, 2020 | Chapters: |
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desert or sneeze
A chapter in the book Twenty ways to die
High versus cold
by Iza Deleanu
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She was the life was the party, always wanting to run into the next extreme thing. Her name was Joana, that loved to smoke marijuana and jump up to the skies.
One day she decided to explore the red desert hidden in Colorado Canyon. The moment she arrived she expected for the desert to open to her magic as the Red Sea. So, she waited and waited and nothing! Under the torrid sun one minutes seems infinite. She had no water with her and no food, the only thing she had was some weed. She though to herself I am too sober, and the Red doesn’t like it. Let’s weed-it up!
She rolled up a joint and start puffing: chu-chu train, yu-hu-hu and a bottle of rum… will be nice with some ice! As she was on cloud nine, she decided to dance thinking The Red would like that and will bless her and the ground with some shade or something.
Accidently she tumbled over a bush and that was the end of her story. She felt being lifted towards the sky and covered by a fuzy cushion laying along her body. She mumbled Hello Snakie, stop shaking and no rattle that thing on me. What a stupid away to die alone in the sun and snaked up!
*****
Suzie, of course is short from Suzanne. She is s what you call a stiff. Suzie is obsessed with germs and all kind of “sneezes”; and since the BIG SNEEZE visits us every year she decided to play it safe.
Now she works from home and the only contact she has with the outside world is the delivery guy. What have you thought that she will live in the wilderness? No, Sir! Suzie likes the comfort of her home and all the modern gadgets and cool stuff that you can buy on-line.
She doesn’t have to go outside, click and the food comes, click -supplies, click-shoes, click, click, click. Suzie is so lucky that she lives in a place where the clicks are available. If she was in North Korea, that will be a different story, or maybe not. Maybe the Big Sneeze doesn’t touch North Korea too cold and bossy!
Suzie dreamt to live forever, away from the crazy and infested world. She was living by herself and zero contact with the outside world of course with the exception of the delivery guys and the virtual world.
One day one of the delivery guys start sneezing in front of her. Terrified she asked him to drop the stuff in front of the door and go. She said that will e-transfer the tip. As soon as she closed the door she starts spraying frenetically aerosol with antibacterial vapor. This gadget, which was in experimental phase of course, it cost her a fortune on the black market, it better work now!
Panicking she starts swearing. So much for my state of art house. Only one sneeze and I am crumbling like a domino! Please, God, please, let it be one of those “Bless You” type, and not the mother fortune China type! Shall I call 911? No! The hospital is full of those germs and sick people, let me click and see what I can find.
Of course, the first article she lay her eyes on was about this virus – of course – from China with love. Suddenly she starts sneezing and coughing, the panic was so big that she just crumbled being one click away from the Salvation.
They found her after a week – because she has not left the house for more than 10 years, her immune system was too weak to support the stress. The cause of death – heart attack! Suzie felt so sneezed out! She felt cheated. Lord, how can I die of a stupid heart attack!
She was the life was the party, always wanting to run into the next extreme thing. Her name was Joana, that loved to smoke marijuana and jump up to the skies.
One day she decided to explore the red desert hidden in Colorado Canyon. The moment she arrived she expected for the desert to open to her magic as the Red Sea. So, she waited and waited and nothing! Under the torrid sun one minutes seems infinite. She had no water with her and no food, the only thing she had was some weed. She though to herself I am too sober, and the Red doesn’t like it. Let’s weed-it up!
She rolled up a joint and start puffing: chu-chu train, yu-hu-hu and a bottle of rum… will be nice with some ice! As she was on cloud nine, she decided to dance thinking The Red would like that and will bless her and the ground with some shade or something.
Accidently she tumbled over a bush and that was the end of her story. She felt being lifted towards the sky and covered by a fuzy cushion laying along her body. She mumbled Hello Snakie, stop shaking and no rattle that thing on me. What a stupid away to die alone in the sun and snaked up!
*****
Suzie, of course is short from Suzanne. She is s what you call a stiff. Suzie is obsessed with germs and all kind of “sneezes”; and since the BIG SNEEZE visits us every year she decided to play it safe.
Now she works from home and the only contact she has with the outside world is the delivery guy. What have you thought that she will live in the wilderness? No, Sir! Suzie likes the comfort of her home and all the modern gadgets and cool stuff that you can buy on-line.
She doesn’t have to go outside, click and the food comes, click -supplies, click-shoes, click, click, click. Suzie is so lucky that she lives in a place where the clicks are available. If she was in North Korea, that will be a different story, or maybe not. Maybe the Big Sneeze doesn’t touch North Korea too cold and bossy!
Suzie dreamt to live forever, away from the crazy and infested world. She was living by herself and zero contact with the outside world of course with the exception of the delivery guys and the virtual world.
One day one of the delivery guys start sneezing in front of her. Terrified she asked him to drop the stuff in front of the door and go. She said that will e-transfer the tip. As soon as she closed the door she starts spraying frenetically aerosol with antibacterial vapor. This gadget, which was in experimental phase of course, it cost her a fortune on the black market, it better work now!
Panicking she starts swearing. So much for my state of art house. Only one sneeze and I am crumbling like a domino! Please, God, please, let it be one of those “Bless You” type, and not the mother fortune China type! Shall I call 911? No! The hospital is full of those germs and sick people, let me click and see what I can find.
Of course, the first article she lay her eyes on was about this virus – of course – from China with love. Suddenly she starts sneezing and coughing, the panic was so big that she just crumbled being one click away from the Salvation.
They found her after a week – because she has not left the house for more than 10 years, her immune system was too weak to support the stress. The cause of death – heart attack! Suzie felt so sneezed out! She felt cheated. Lord, how can I die of a stupid heart attack!
One day she decided to explore the red desert hidden in Colorado Canyon. The moment she arrived she expected for the desert to open to her magic as the Red Sea. So, she waited and waited and nothing! Under the torrid sun one minutes seems infinite. She had no water with her and no food, the only thing she had was some weed. She though to herself I am too sober, and the Red doesn’t like it. Let’s weed-it up!
She rolled up a joint and start puffing: chu-chu train, yu-hu-hu and a bottle of rum… will be nice with some ice! As she was on cloud nine, she decided to dance thinking The Red would like that and will bless her and the ground with some shade or something.
Accidently she tumbled over a bush and that was the end of her story. She felt being lifted towards the sky and covered by a fuzy cushion laying along her body. She mumbled Hello Snakie, stop shaking and no rattle that thing on me. What a stupid away to die alone in the sun and snaked up!
*****
Suzie, of course is short from Suzanne. She is s what you call a stiff. Suzie is obsessed with germs and all kind of “sneezes”; and since the BIG SNEEZE visits us every year she decided to play it safe.
Now she works from home and the only contact she has with the outside world is the delivery guy. What have you thought that she will live in the wilderness? No, Sir! Suzie likes the comfort of her home and all the modern gadgets and cool stuff that you can buy on-line.
She doesn’t have to go outside, click and the food comes, click -supplies, click-shoes, click, click, click. Suzie is so lucky that she lives in a place where the clicks are available. If she was in North Korea, that will be a different story, or maybe not. Maybe the Big Sneeze doesn’t touch North Korea too cold and bossy!
Suzie dreamt to live forever, away from the crazy and infested world. She was living by herself and zero contact with the outside world of course with the exception of the delivery guys and the virtual world.
One day one of the delivery guys start sneezing in front of her. Terrified she asked him to drop the stuff in front of the door and go. She said that will e-transfer the tip. As soon as she closed the door she starts spraying frenetically aerosol with antibacterial vapor. This gadget, which was in experimental phase of course, it cost her a fortune on the black market, it better work now!
Panicking she starts swearing. So much for my state of art house. Only one sneeze and I am crumbling like a domino! Please, God, please, let it be one of those “Bless You” type, and not the mother fortune China type! Shall I call 911? No! The hospital is full of those germs and sick people, let me click and see what I can find.
Of course, the first article she lay her eyes on was about this virus – of course – from China with love. Suddenly she starts sneezing and coughing, the panic was so big that she just crumbled being one click away from the Salvation.
They found her after a week – because she has not left the house for more than 10 years, her immune system was too weak to support the stress. The cause of death – heart attack! Suzie felt so sneezed out! She felt cheated. Lord, how can I die of a stupid heart attack!
This chapter 2 from the contest Twenty ways to die. So far "I killed three people, seventeen left to go". As always thank you for your patience and for reading. Please if there are grammar mistakes, point them out:)
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