A Play for three voices one female and two male.

The players
Maude: a young woman who wants to know her future
Rudrake Rabbitherd. Maud's next door neighbour who is in love with her.
The Voice in the Well. A spirit who has lived in the well for centuries and is weary of the questions people ask him.


Act one , the garden at Wellbank Manor

Maude sits at the side of the wishing well, her mind on her future.
She drops a handful of coins into the well and intones a plea to the Well's Spirit

Maude.
Oh wisest spirit of the well
These coins I pray will meet your fee
And at last you'll deign to tell
When Fortune's face will smile on me

Sounds of coins falling into water

Voice,( down the well)

Ouch! she's back again the silly witch
Wants to know if she'll be rich
When she'll marry and what's his name
And everyone asks me just the same.

The voice's tone becomes more thoughtful.

I wonder,She's been here every day for weeks now.
Perhaps I'll give her an answer.
It might be fun to shake her up a bit.
That one I spoke to last Winter was a riot.
Yeah! Why not?

He clear his throat and intones sepulchrally
Voice
Oh patient maid the boon you ask------

Maude( shrieks.)
O! merciful heavens! It answered me! I never thought-----
Sweet Aphrodite! I'm going to swoon----

The voice (Irritably)
Hey you up there ! Will you shaddup? I don't do this for every one.
Quieten down or you've lost me Capeesh??

Maude( contritely)
Oh! I'm so sorry.You startled me.I hadn't hoped for an answer.I just needed to - er- voice my -er- yearnings.

Voice
Don't they all?

Maude (Haughtily)
All? Who is all?This is a private garden and no-one but----

The voice
It hasn't always been private Dearie.
This spring has been here for more years than
mankind can count.
It only became private when some nasty wretch
took possession of it for himself and
stopped people coming here.

Maude
This house is 350 years old, I'll have you know.

Voice
Big deal, and falling down around you from neglect.
And I'll have YOU know you aren't the only dopey bird to
drop a coin in here with questions you've no business asking.
It's been going on for a very long time.

Maude
What kind of questions?

Voice
All the same.Will I be rich, or gain power or find love?

Maude
What did you tell them?

Voice
Nuthin'.No news is better than bad news

Maude
But you answered me!

Voice
Every so often I do. Just for the fun of it

Maude
The truth?

Voice
Of course Dummy I cannot lie.

Off stage a voice calls. It is Rudrake Rabbitherd.
Maude's next door neighbour

Rudrake
Mau-aude. Where are you my love.I come to keess you darleeng.

Maude (horrified)
Oh no, it's Rudrake Rabbitherd from next door. Where can I hide?
I know , down the well.

Voice (protestingly)
Oi! Gerrouta my well! No room down here except for me.
Clear off and let the little twerp find you somewhere else.

Maude
No room? don't be ridiculous! It's as deep as----

Voice
Not any more. The sides have been crumbling for years and what with that
and everything else that's been chucked in here since time immemorial--

Rudrake
Dearest! I have found you!.Embrace me!!

Maude
Blimmin' heck, I'm outa here.As for you Smarty.
I'll be back later. You can depend on it.

Voice
Ta Ta Dearie. Take lover boy with you.
I'm having a tadpole sandwich and a nap.

End of Act One





Act two Scene one


In the library later that night. Maude is sewing buttons on a cardigan.
The door opens to admit Rudrake.

Rudrake
Darleeng! I seek you everywhere.Come to Rudy. We keess!!

Maude
Nick off baggy pants, I'm busy.

Rudrake
Too busy for laaave?

Maude
Look , beetle brain, I find you about as attractive as the dairy floor after
milking on a wet day. Why don't you get the message and get lost?

Rudrake (mysteriously)
Ah! yes the message. I have the message.This I received from the wise ,
the wonderful one in the well. One day I stand at the side of the well.
With you I will plumb depths no-one has ever known.Oh! beloved come to me,
it's bigger than both of us.

Maude
So's an elephant's pantyhose.What do you mean , it answered you?

Rudrake
I spoke aloud my longings for someone to share my deepest,
my most passionate endeavours and the voice said to look no further
than the place on which I stood. At that very moment I saw you
deadheading the hollyhocks and knew we were meant for each other.
He takes her hand and begins kissing it passionately,
while Maude turns aside thinking out loud.

Maude
So that's what happened. One day he's no more than
a face beyond the palings
and the next he's King Leech and has been ever since.
Suddenly realizing He's been kissing her hand
Ugh! What's he doing to my hand? Gerroff Globby!
Urk! where's the disinfectant?

Rudrake
Maude,my love, You must believe me .It is true.

Maude
Alright Toadface, I believe you. Just keep your distance while I think a bit.

Rudrake
I will compose a poem to you, my love. Here is pencil and paper. I begin.

Maude( thinking out loud again)
I wonder what the voice actually told him. He's such a thick head
he probably doesn't remember, but I could ask him nicely and see what happens.
Ahem , here goes! Wartface, er Wudwake, come and look out of the window
(mind the curtains clumsy) Look out into the moonlight, down to the wishing well
.Do you remember the time you stood there and revealed the depths of your soul?

Rudrake
Oh Maude I do. but the recollections affect me so. My heart is alight.
It pounds. Oh it is all too much . I faint. Oh Maude.
He swoons

Maude
Drat! A fat lot of good that did. Oh well while he has a little snooze and
untangles himself from the curtains, I'll go an have a word with

the Tongue of Truth itself. Look out, Wise Guy, here comes Clawed Maude.



Act two Scene two


At the Well

Maude
Yoo hoo Wakey wakey. I want a word with you.

Voice (grumpily)
What now? I don't have to talk to you if I don't want to you know.

Maude
Oh really. What would you do if I took a spade and bucket and started
filling this well in?

Voice ( slightly hysterical)
No no, please don't. I must have water or I cannot exist.

Maude
Right then, so tell me what you told that clown Rudrake Rabbitherd
that has him convinced I'm his heart's desire.

Voice
I'm sorry but I don't remember. The day he came it was pouring with rain
and I was having such a good time I didn't take much notice.
He spoke about depths of something or other and I thought he meant
something else and sort of put him on the wrong track.
Sorry, but it does happen from time to time.

Maude
Sorry doesn't cut it Mate. I want him out of my face. For good. Now!!

Voice.
Well I would if I could, but there is a slight problem. My well is filling up
and I'm not as strong as I was when I first spoke to him and I'll need to be
if it's to be changed.

Maude
What's the well filling up got to do with it?

Voice
My power is in the water.But it's clogged up and I grow weaker as the
water grows less.Soon it will all be gone and I will cease to exist.

Maude
And I'll be stuck with the pathetic little nerd for good.Some destiny!
Thanks a lot. Still I did ask didn't I?

Voice (petulantly)
Yes you did and you didn't even let me answer you before you freaked out
you silly twit.

Maude
Tell me now.

Voice (sulkily)
No. Buzz off.

Maude
But I would really like to know and after all I did pay you,

Voice
So you did. A thumping, great handful, not just one like everyone else.
Muttering to himself
Anywaywhothehelldotheythinktheyarechuckinggreathandfulsof
coinsdownhere andaskingquestionsthey'venobusinessto.
When'sitgoingtostop -------

Maude
Sorry to interrupt,but let's get on shall we? Are you the only one of your kind
or are there others?

Voice.
Pluvious!! No there are many of us, or used to be. I can't reach them because
the under ground water is blocked and they cannot get to me.
The only time I can hear their thoughts is when it rains.
There's nothing I can do about it, so why don't you hear the answer
to your stupid question, choof off and leave me to oblivion.

Maude
OK Let's hear it.

Voice
Um-- I've forgotten what i was going to say.
I'll have to tell you something else
Intones,
Oh maid though love pursueth you
This love won't see your dreams come true
But if his dreams you will embrace
In Fortune's bounty find your place.

Maude
You mean I have to help Rabbito to "plumb his depths" as he calls it,
before I get my wish answered? If that's what they call the price of love,
it's a fate worse than death.

Voice
I feel so weak. That effort has taken nearly all I had. I don't think I can last
much longer. Oh if only it would rain!!

Maude
Just hold on there, you poor dried up spirit. I have an idea.
I never thought I'd say this ,but I need that choked up churl, Rudrake.
Do you know where he is?

Rudrake
Mau-aude I see you dear one. I come to you.

Maude
Hurry up Cupcake,I'm about to make your dreams come true.

Rudrake
Precious one ,I tremble, what do you mean?

Maude
Now look here, you dear little delver you. We are about to plumb our
depths together, but you have to do something for me first.

Rudrake
Oooh Maudey Baby anything you want

Voice
Smutty little creep isn't he?

Maude
Pay attention. Rudy , help me over the edge of the well where it's least crumbly.
Now I'll climb down the ladder to water level, and when I'm there put the spade
in the bucket and let it down to me carefully.

Rudrake( horrified)
But Maude, it's so dangerous you might get hurt.

Maude (cheerfully)
Or killed. which would be infinitely preferable to the present situation.
Now do as you are told. Or I'll pull all you finger nails out.

Rudrake
But Maude I thought we were going to --

Maude
Plumb our depths. And so we are.Not exactly the depths you had in mind,
but that's life .Win some lose some. You lecherous little salamander.

Rudrake (giggling)
Ooh Maude I love it when you talk dirty. One depth is much like another
when all's said and done. But, my love, you put yourself in danger.
Rudrake Rabbitherd will never allow such a thing. Dearest one,
I will change places with you. I've studied archaeology all my life.
Now is my chance to actually do some digging.

Maude
Well Goodonya Rudy. Right you are then, I'll take first turn and then you.
There's hope for you yet. We'll have this well cleaned out in no time at all.


End of Act Two




Act Three


Maude( speaking over the sound of loud splashing)
Are you there?

Voice
Hmmye-es

Maude
How's things?

Voice
Wonderful . Lots of room down here now. And tadpoles .
But the walls are still slipping a bit.

Maude
Don't worry. I'm keeping an eye on it. Rudrake certainly did a magnificent job
on your well though, didn't he?

Voice
He certainly did. But , Maude Can I believe what I'm hearing?
You're speaking of him as if he's --- sort of-- erm, well - Human.
What has brought this about?

Maude( embarrassed and giggling)
Well, he's not all that bad,once you get to know him.
Where is he, by the way?
I haven't seen him since this morning -- that is since he left with his share of
the loot from this well.
He must be getting hungry and I do have a casserole in the oven.

Voice
A couple of hours ago he was three valleys away, digging like a demented badger at a Bronze Age water hole and as happy as a pig in mud.

Maude
Sounds like he's plumbing his depths in every sense of the words.
It's strange that I never realized he was an amateur archaeologist.
Everything makes sense now.

Voice
Yes, he'll be a very successful one too, with all my friends wanting him to
clean out their living places. There are some I thought had -- gone.
You know what I mean, but they were hibernating in a little pocket of water.
Waiting for someone like Rudrake to come along.
All they want is a nice clean hole with some water in it. He can have whatever
else he finds there.
What about you Maude? Are you making any plans for the future?

Maude
Yes, I'm thinking of moving.

Voice (shocked)
Maude! After all we've been through together!

Maude
Tricked ya! Only next door. The mouldy old dump is ready to fall over,
so it's going to be knocked down with a new place built on the site.
The views from over there are stunning.

Voice (sadly)
But Maude there's no well over there.

Maude
I could always come over here to visit you, couldn't I? You aren't
going anywhere are you?

Voice (glumly)
Yeah, I suppose.

Rudrake enters carrying a large bag of clinking coins.
Rudrake
Maude, my rosebud, my flower of Love. Greetings.
And hello to you down there
Oh voice of Virtue. How are you today?

Voice
I'm fine thank you, but what is this I have heard from Maude about your
house being demolished? Is it so? Where will you live?

Maude
With me of course. We're -- getting married. I didn't quite know how to
break it to you.

Voice
Oh my goodness me! Even I didn't see that coming!!
Congratulations both of you.

Maude
We didn't realize we had so much in common, until Rudy told me all about
his family in old Lithuania . They used to have a castle .
With a moat and turrets and dungeons. He actually has a title.

Rudrake
Now,now dearest, never mind about all that. It is all in the past.
Let us look to the future.

Maude
Yes dear, of course. I was telling our friend here about the new house
but he doesn't seem all that happy about it.

Rudrake
And the new well?

Maude (Laughing)
No I hadn't got to that bit yet

Rudrake (indulgently)
Naughty Maude, Daddy have to spank you.
Yes, we have plans to build another well over on the new grounds.
Bigger and deeper than this one and brick lined to prevent it caving in.

Voice (rapturously)
Oh would you really?

Maude
But you'll have to tell us where to put it.

Voice
Oh I would. Do you think there might be roses growing over it so the petals
float on the water when they fall?

Maude
Yes, that would be nice. And there could be urns and statues and stuff like that.

Voice
Oh bliss, just like the old days. When are you planning to start?

Rudrake
Any day now.The plans have all been approved and the demolition team
is ready with engines revving.

Maude
So you were right after all. I've thrown my lot in with Rudrake
and I'm about to plumb my own depths at last.


The End
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