“I do enjoy these spontaneous drives you take me on, Suzy. Where’ll we have lunch this time? D’you think we might bump into Jeff again? I reckon it rattled him a bit when he saw us at that new cafe last time.”

“Let’s go to our old favourite – there’ll be less chance of seeing him there.”

“I hope you’re going to get even with that rat! He broke your heart and he got that man-eating Britanny to move in with him so soon after.”

“I’ve still got the key, so I might sneak in later and steal the TV remote control. Or maybe let his tyres down.”

“Oh, I think we could come up with something better than that!”

“What do you mean ‘we’? Are you going to aid and abet with some dastardly deed?”

“Well, given the right opportunity, I’d consider…. Stop the car! STOP THE CAR! Quick, Suzy, pull up right here. NOW!”

“WHAAAAT??? OK, OK, OK! What’s happened?”

“You didn’t need to stomp on the brakes so hard! You nearly put me through the windscreen!  Now there’s a dent in your dashboard.”

“Why’d you want me to stop here? We’re in the middle of nowhere.”

“I saw something that’s perfect for a little bit of rough justice. And it’s good that no one’s around to see. Pull the car over and park on the shoulder, then we’ll walk back and get it.”

“What are you talking about? Get what?”

“You need to get some imagination, Suzy! I seem to be madder at Jeff than you are, and I’m not the one he let down. First of all, we’ll need one of those towels off the back seat. Can you reach mine? Now follow me – it’s only a short walk back to it.”

*  *  *

“That’s disgusting, Jane. It’s a smelly old possum! What are you going to do with a road-kill possum?”

 “The smellier the better, but see how perfect it is? It might be dead, but it’s still fresh and plump and there’s hardly a mark on it, poor thing. I’m going to wrap it up and… “

“What? Are we taking it with us? Why? What about lunch? This is putting me right off.”

“OK then. Slight change of plan. I’ll just finish wrapping up the possum – we’ll leave it here by this bush. Let’s go and have lunch and I’ll tell you my plan, then we’ll come back for it.”

“Make sure you tell me after lunch. I have a feeling this could get messy!” 

*  *  *

“Are you OK for me to tell you about the possum now? You won’t throw up while you’re driving, will you?”

“Oh my goodness, Jane – it sounds like you have some revolting plan for that possum.”

“Ha ha ha! I do indeed. And it looks like it will be me doing it alone – which is fine, because then you can be innocent if Jeff accuses you. Although it will look entirely like a natural event.”

“This is sounding more and more mysterious. Just tell me!” 

“OK. So now I know that you still have the key it makes it a bit easier. I can take the possum inside their house and stuff it up the chimney when Jeff and Britanny are at the gym this evening. Otherwise, I was going to have to climb on the roof and drop it down the chimney.” 

“Oh Lordy! What if you hadn’t been able get up on the roof?”

“Well, I would have pretended to be an Olympic hammer thrower, and swung it round and round by the tail then let it go with just the right distance for it to plop into the chimney! Then it could stink out the house.” 

“You're so dramatic, Jane! We might’ve needed a few spare possums for you to get some target practice. I can see why you were pleased to get a fresh possum. Swing a rotten one and you would’ve been left with its tail in your hand! You really have hatched a stinker of a plan, Jane. That possum will pong to high heaven!

“Well, I think it stinks how Jeff treated you, so he’s getting what he deserves. We’re nearly there. See? Just up ahead. I recognise the bush. Try not to stop so suddenly this time, Suzy. Easy does it. You stay in the car and I’ll go get it. I won’t be long.”

*  *  *

“What’s the matter? Where’s the possum. You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

“I think I have! It was a sign – I’m an evil person for having evil thoughts! Let’s get out of here, fast.”

“Talk sense, Jane. What are you on about?”

“When I bent down to pick up the possum, the towel had come a bit loose. There he was with his little paws folded across his chest like he was praying. Honest to God, he looked like Jesus – lying there in swaddling clothes, in a manger by the roadside. I never thought a dead possum could have more dignity than me!”

“Oh well, thanks for trying to be my evil twin. It was unnecessary though. I snuck in and put dog shit in all their shoes this morning when they were out. That should be stinky enough!”

*  *  *