I had a little puppy dog I called him mongrel guts
A big fat English Bulldog on the crazy side of nuts
He pulled plants out of gardens then he chewed the bleeding hose
How he has survived this long alive God in heaven knows

He digs holes in my fresh laid lawn my wife says he's so cute
Till she found her roses they'd been pulled out by their root
For several hours she screamed aloud I'll kill that bloody mutt
But dear I said she's so like you, she's got your big fat butt

She screamed even louder and then she hurled me out the door
Then the poor dog followed from the window on the third floor
I saved him from injury he landed on top of me
While old Mongrel Guts survived, I dislocated my knee

The wife came running out the door and said, "Hope you're all right?"
To the dog she said. "If he hurt you, do feel free to bite."
I lay on the ground in screaming pain, the dog licking me
A nosey crowd has gathered 'round and now I need to pee

Someone is taking photos as the siren's drawing near
People are asking questions and my thinking's not real clear
Should I just tell the truth and blame our old English Bulldog
Or should I claim lost mem'ry and record it in my blog