Hey Kids: Your attention please. If you are a girl, don't read this.
STOP, right here. "DO NOT," read the next line.
It's for boys only.

If you are a boy; and you think that girls are not clever,
you are mad wrong.

Need proof? Heads up. Lend me your ears.


My big brother, Teigh, is fourteen.
My name is Caesar, I'm eleven.

I asked Teigh, "what does philosopher mean?"
He goes..."I dunno."

My twin sister, Sherelle is eleven.
She overheard. She spoke up.

"A philosopher is a cool calm unemotional person,
when they're challenged by burdensome conditions."

"No kidding," I replied. "and what does that supposed to mean?"

"A philosopher can make the best of life where things seem
to hard to deal with. A philosopher enjoys being smart, and
understanding things that are hard to understand. A philosopher
enjoys teaching people how to deal with tough times in life."

"Well...okay...what ever that means...
who told you that, Sherelle?" Teigh asked.

"My teacher told my class that one day.
I wanted to remember it because I liked what she taught us,
and I'll never forget it."

I've never forgotten what I learned from my sister that day.
I guess it's because of how I feel about her.
I've found out that she's a dear friend of mine.

So is my flat-topped brother. I love them both the same.
They both love me. And that's tight.

My brother is like a lost ball. Make that a snowball;
because he's really cool.

He hooked an out-board motor to his surfboard.
It really works. It can go almost as fast as my turtle can swim.

It smokes and smells like burned toast.
It sounds like Mom's old vacuum cleaner.
The one that she threw out, because it was broke.

Teigh fixed it...well...he made it turn on.
That's how he got his surfboard motor.

"My real goal," he says, "is to invent and build
an automatic homework doer; one that knows all the right answers,
and will have them ready to show the teacher on time."

"My automatic homework doer will also make free pizza
of all sorts for me.That way I won't have to buy
Sherelle pizza so she won't tell Mom about my spider collection
that I have hidden in a shoe box under my bed."

"Mom found your spiders this morning, Teigh." I said.
"She did?"
"Yep, she did."
"Jeez, I wonder how."
"When she was cleaning up your junky mess.

"Oh? what did she say?"
"She said, EeeeeeeK!"
"Sounds like Mom. Then what did she say?"
"She said, "Teigheeeee!!"
"Sounds like Mom. Then what did she say?

"No. Don't tell me. Let me guess," Teigh said, "I know what she said."
"Ya do?"
"She said what she always say."
"What's that?" I asked.
An uneasy look came in Teigh's face.

"She said, "Eeeeeeek! Joseph!!!" Teigh guessed.
The, Eeeeeeek! is her shriek. Joseph!!!...is Dad.
Did dad get mad?" He asked me.
"I dunno. But you'll know,
when he and Mom gets home this evening."

"That shoe box was Dad's." I reminded,Teigh.
"Mom said that the least you could've done,
was take Dad's favorite pair of shoes out.
Before you put your spiders in, and all."
"Yep," Teigh said, "Dad got mad."

He sounded like he thought I could rescue him.

"What do you think Dad's gonna do?"
"The devil knows. I haven't the foggiest.
But if I were you. I'd be wearing asbestos pants
when he gets home."

Teigh sighed.
"Mine are burned out."
"Welcome to the club."

You've really got to see how Teigh combs his hair.
He looks like Bart Simpson. Cool, huh?
It took almost a week, for me to talk him into
combing my hair the same way as his.
I looked cool too, like Bart; until Mom scolded Teigh,
and made him fix my hair so that I'd look like me.
Rats....Now I look like plain-old Caesar again.

My sister, Sherelle says that I'm cute.
She speaks for her best friend, Lizzie.
I don't want to be cute. I want to look like
the incredible Hulk, when he gets mad.

Cute is what my sister is.
I speak for my best friend, Jeep.
Sherelle doesn't want to be cute.
She'd rather look like Miss America and be crowned.

Last week in the mall at the food court, Jeep
told Sherelle that she looked like Miss America.
Her blush got red, her ears twitched and wiggled.
She started biting her nails, she got shy, she giggled.
Before he had any more to say; Dad growled at Jeep
and shooed him away.

In school Sherelle is known as a milkmaid.
That means that she's an athletic celebrity.
It means that she's popular.

If you're into sports, you too have got to love my sister.
She's captain of our girls' soccer team.
Sherelle has lead us to two divisional championships,
in a row.

She wants to graduate college with a Bachelor of Arts degree.
Clever girl, huh?

Teigh, on the contrary, is into mad comedy.
Kids call him Motley because of how he dresses and behaves.
His clothes are of mixed colors like a clown's clothes.
They are always too big. They make him look like he's melting.

One day, while we were in the boys' room he colored his face
like a circus clown. Teigh captured the attention and admiration
of every kid in school. Teigh's looks closed books.
We all thought it looked mad neat.

Needless to say...Mrs. Quigley, our school's principal,
had quite a different opinion.

Do I have to mention...detention?

After detention, and loads of extra home work,
Teigh spends the rest of his time filling in holes,
that he dug in our back yard.
Seems that he let that movie, "HOLES," have a bad influence
on his better judgement.

I won't say that I didn't dig a couple of holes of my own.
Let's just say that, with the proper persuasion from Dad,
I filled in the ones that Teigh didn't dig.

We found an empty cigar box in Dad's pick-up truck.
We threw our salamanders in and decided to hide the box
in Mom's flower garden.
Dad would never accidentally find them there.

OOPS. But how about Mom? What happens
when she goes to her garden to dilly-dally
around in her precious little blossoms?

"EeeeeeK!!!" I replied.
"Joesph!!!" Teigh added.

"NEXT?" I asked.

The next day, Teigh and I asked Sherelle would it be okay
for us to keep them in her locker at school.

"NO! Why don't you hide your slinky lizards in your own lockers?"
"Mrs, Quigley checks our lockers every day, for what she call contraband;
what ever that is. Just let us stash our lizards in your locker for today.
"What's in it for me?" Sherelle asked with a leery look in her eyes.
Teigh hid his hand behind his back and crossed his fingers.

"I'll promise that you will never find one
under your pillow, ever again; honest."

"You've made that promise already.
And you've broken it twice."

"This time I'll be more solomen."
"Solemn, is the proper word, Teigh,
and you're too improper to be trusted."

"Okay, how about I'll treat your best friend Lizzie,
to a movie?"

"Oh...how sweet of you, Teigh. You would really
take Lizzie to the movies again?"

"I said treat, not take.
If I make a mistake like that again Lizzie will
scribble my name all over the wall in the girls' room, again,
with all sorts of xoxoxo and valentine stuff."

"How do you know she did that?"
"She told me that she did. And made me promise
to never tell that she told me."

"And you just broke your promise to her.
You're not a very good promise keeper, Teigh.

"Well...what about you, Sherelle?
You promised that you would never show her my pictures;
especially the ones when I was just a little kid."

"That was AFTER I had already shown her the ones Mom took
of you hugging Mickey Mouse at Disney Land."

"Was not."
"Was too."
"Was not."
"Was too."

"How about the time your friend, Lizzie baked cookies for me.?
I fed them to my ants. You told her, Sherelle."
"I never promised that I wouldn't."
"So you snitched on your beloved brother."

"I did no such thing. That slipped out,
while we were talking about ungrateful boys.
'Scuse the bruise, beloved brother."

"'You girls were talking about ungrateful boys,
and my name just, popped up?"
"Yes, as usual."

Teigh grimaced. He looked like a bug bit him.

"Look...beloved sister...you've got to help me hide these lizards.
"i Promise. I'll be grateful. I'll clean your hamster's cage.
I promise that I won't tell Mom again, that you wear make-up in school.
I won't tell nobody that you've got pictures of Tom Brady
pasted all over your room."

"That's because I'm a New England Patriots' fan.
Everybody knows that. And, NO, silly beloved brother,
you can't keep your creepy critters in my locker."

Teigh turned to me.
"Hey Caesar, what say we keep them in your book bag?"
"No way Jose', I keep my bugs and beetles in my book bag.
The lizards might eat them."

Sherelle buried her face in her hands with a long sigh.
"You two are totally senseless. Why don't you just ask
Dad can you keep your stupid lizards?"

"We did," Teigh replied, "he said, ask Mom."
"What did Mom say?"
"Not a lot. She just turned red, took two Excedrin,
said ask Joseph, and kicked us out of her room."

"And what, pray tell, do you think that meant?"
"NO!"

"Smart answer.
But it also meant that we should get together and find
a creative way to solve a simple problem like this one
among ourselves, and give our parents a break.
They're only human ya know."

Teigh and I gave each other a sheepish eye to eye
nod, of approval.

"We can trade our lizards," I suggested, "to Gerald, for
bloodworms when we go fishing Saturday."
"That's a terrific idea," said Sherelle, "and I'll bake fudge brownies
for you to take along with you."

"Why don't you come along with us, Sis?" I offered.
"I'm in. But somebody will have to bait my hook for me.
Bloodworms make me cringe. Eeeeu!"

Teigh pulled a white mouse out of his pocket.
He held it by it's tail and let it hang down
close to Sherelle's eyes.

"What about mice? Hee hee."
"TEIGH!" she exclaimed, "put that wriggly thing away!"
She tripped over her hills as she staggered backward.

"Hey. That's mine!" I claimed.
"Is not. Sherelle's kitten ate yours."

"Did not. Mine had a pink tail like it's supposed to have,
like that one. You colored your mouse's tail green,
with some of Mom's cake-batter coloring stuff."

"I did not."
"You did too."
"I did not."
"You did too."

Sherelle waved her hands in the air from a distance.
"Boys, boys, boys. Please. Get a grip on yourselves.
And put that unsightly rodent away this moment."

"I won't allow either one of you to ever hug me again,
until you've both washed your hands with hot water,
and plenty of double-strength soap."

Teigh stuffed the wiggling mouse back down in his pocket.
Then we washed our hands with double-strength soap.

Afterward, Sherelle said that we could hug her. So we did.

Boy to boys: If you have a sister? You've got to love her.
WHY? Ask her Mom.

Oh Yeah... All you girls who didn't read this.
Go back to the beginning and read it again.