a one-scene script
A chapter in the book Scenes
Scene at a Martial Arts Studio
Pons and Ned meet outside a kung fu classroom.
Pons: (Trying to hide his astonishment that Ned has shown up dressed in a full-size, green, insect costume). Hey, Ned. Or should I call you grasshopper?
Ned: The sissy told us ta git suits ta match our dis’plins, so I fetched a prayin’ mantis gitup.
Pons: You mean the sensei; and I’m pretty sure he meant a gi with the appropriate colors.
Ned: Well this here is wad a prayin’ mantis looks like, ‘cept a tad smaller.
Pons: I’m surprised you found one in your size.
Ned: Yeah —nah, they didn’t have none in growed up sizes. I had a lady in the store sew dissun tagetter fer me.
Pons: That’s a lot to do for someone who has not even been to a class yet.
Ned: Like they say, Pons — In fer a penny, in fer a poundin’.
Pons: This should be an interesting session. I think after we learn some terms we will get to practice moves.
Ned: I ‘magine I’ll be saying grace and eatin’ flies. (Ned imitates prayer and then his hands at his mouth eating)
Pons: (smiling) That’s intimidating, Ned.
Ned: Wads yer style agin? Grape ape?
Pons: Drunken monkey.
Ned: No need for dat, Pons. I jus’ assta question.
Pons: Drunken monkey is the style, Ned.
Ned: Daddy had dat style too. Er wazzit Drunken skunk?
Pons: I didn’t know Uncle Zed drank.
Ned: He says he quit drinkin’ once they invented the funnel.
Pons: Right. Well, are you ready to work on a belt in Kung Fu?
Ned: Yessiree! Better’n a belt fer bein’ a dang foo’. Ma handelt dat dis’plin.
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