General Fiction posted January 26, 2018

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Maybe Super Man should stick to flying and leaping!

Not So SUPER Safe!

by A. Willow Bends

"What do you mean I failed?" questioned Superman. "I do not fail. I must drive a car so as to prove to Lois and others I am normal. I cannot continue to do so unless I drive!"

"Mr. Kent, you backed over cones, which we consider pretend people. When you could not parallel park, you got out and lifted the vehicle into place. NOT acceptable. You failed the vision test, probably you should have worn your glasses, but you said they made you look nerdy!"

"Mr. Examiner, did you see me OUTRUN the schoolbus in my ealy movie as a very young man? I am faster on my feet than a speeding bullet! Driving to me is boring, but at times I must be boring!"

"Mr. Kent, come back another day after some realistic practise and try again."

"Mr. Examiner, with all due respect, NO. I am able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. I do not NEED a driver's license as I can fly. I probably won't even use the actual license much at all.
What I really NEED are phone booths again. Pardon my language, but where in the hell are the phone booths? Do you know how difficult it has been for me since cell phone usage started? Talk about driving! THAT drives me crazy."

"Let's return to the point please, Mr. Kent. You drove down a city street at 95 mph, never signalled, never stopped for a light or a sign. The crossing guard, as we speak, is probably home changing her uniform pants. You failed. You cannot drive. You may never learn to drive. I recommend you buy a car and push Lois around in it. She would be safer as would the rest of Metropolis."

"Safer sir? I, Superman, created an unsafe situation? I am so very sorry. I work very hard to keep Metropolis safe. I THOUGHT I was to complete the test in the shortest time possible. I am Clark Kent (cough) SUPERMAN and I have never intentionally meant to cause anyone to be unsafe."

"Well Mr. Kent, you just need to stick to what you do best, outrunning buses and such, flying and leaping and maybe Lois and others can do the driving on your outings. Don't and I repeat . . . do not try to be a Super Hero and offer to drive, like, EVER. This is just a suggestion, but perhaps you could buy a couple cars and place them around the city to change clothes in , but never and I mean NEVER attempt to drive a vehicle again. You take LEAD foot to a whole new level."

"Well, Mr. Examiner Sir. I do again apologize for creating an unsafe situation. I will not drive. I may call Batman and see if Robin would like a moonlighting job driving Lois and I on dates and such, and if you would please get out of my car now, I must change in to my work uniform. I am flying Lois over to the amusement park and hey, maybe I could try driving one of those antique cars at the amusement park to practice!"

"Mr. Kent, don't. In the name of all that is sane and holy. Do not drive a vehicle of any type."

"Ah, I must go. Lois is here to pick me up, I see.

"Well hello Clark! Did you pass?"

"No Lois, I decided there is simply no sense in it when I can fly the MOST beautiful woman in the world anyplace we need to go. I'll leave the driving to you. Some claim women are better drivers anyway!"

" Oh CLARK! Such a sweet thing to say! Can I use your cell phone? I need to make quick call!"

And Clark grits his pearly white teeth and smiles.

Driver's Road Test contest entry

It seemed neat to have Superman fail at something AND where are all the phone booths?
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

Artwork by VMarguarite at

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