| Humor Fiction posted October 5, 2017 |
  |
...it happened at Walmart
My New Clothes
by Mustang Patty
I hurriedly gulped my third cup of coffee for the day and checked the clock. I could get to the grocery store, do my shopping, and get home before the kids…barely. It was already one fifteen in the afternoon.
Making sure my grocery list was in my bag, I grabbed my keys, said goodbye to the dogs, and headed for the door. Outside, I started humming as I locked the deadbolt.
Walking outside, I took a deep breath of the crisp, fall air. My legs felt a little bit cool, and I reminded myself winter was just around the corner. Approaching the car, pushing the button of my fob, I heard the reassuring 'beep,' and the click of the door locks opening.
Driving through the light traffic on the way to the store, I listened to a local disc-jockey and his side-kick.
'Hey, Ralphie. Did you hear what happened yesterday in Trump Ville?'
'No. What did he do now?'
'Well, it seems he went to Las Vegas to comfort the victims of the massacre.'
'And…?'
'Believe it or not, he actually read from prepared remarks. He didn't make a fool of himself by just making it up as he went along.'
'Really? Maybe the guy's wising up.'
'Or maybe he's realizing he has been losing supporters.'
'So, what…'
I hit the search button on the tuner. Surely there was something better than that. Being in the mood for some music, I hoped for a good eighties station.
I heard Journey singing about open arms, and my heart took flight. Making sure the windows were up, I started to sing along. My voice wasn't the greatest, but singing made me happy. Hitting the high notes with Steve, I was in seventh heaven.
Steve Perry had been replaced by the beat of 'Juke Box Hero,' when I pulled into the lot. Parking at the far end, I prepared for the short hike. The kids laughingly referred to this as Mom's exercise for the week.
Grabbing a cart on the way in, I smiled at the greeter, and he gave me a wide smile. Maybe my day was getting better. Smiling people made me happy.
Pulling my list out, I started on my trip around the store. My list was organized by my path through the shop, and I picked up items here and there. Surprisingly, the produce section was well stocked on this Friday afternoon, and I was happy to find sweet plums and ripe nectarines.
Halloween decorations were everywhere you looked and my heart felt good. This was my favorite time of year. More than likely, it was because my birthday was just around the corner, but the bright orange and black bedecking lightened my steps.
Rounding the corner, I inspected the display on the end-cap, and felt my stomach drop. They were already pushing the pumpkin pie filling, along with the makings of green bean casserole. Thanksgiving was coming with all its work and family obligations.
So many people were greeting me with friendly smiles. I thought there must be something in the air. As I continued through the store, I was lucky to find the items I needed, and the kids wanted. It must've been my lucky day, because the prices were even better than I'd hoped for.
The cereal aisle was out of the sugary stuff my kids liked, but there was an abundance of the different flavors of Special K. I decided I could splurge and grab several boxes. All the other prices were lower, right?
Nearing the end of my list, and the final part of the store, I became aware of stares coming my way. I'd encountered plenty of big smiles around the store today, but the stares were disconcerting. Picking up those last few items, I made my way to the check-out stands.
The lines were long, and I wondered if standing in line would take longer than the shopping did. Choosing the shortest line I could find, I settled in for the wait. I was looking forward to getting to the little news rack by the registers. At least then, I could read the latest gossip on the tabloids.
Little white dots started to cross my vision. Struggling to keep my wits about me, I was surprised to hear laughter. People were pointing and laughing. Were they looking at me?
As the lady closest to me pointed with a snicker, I looked down. I wasn't wearing any pants.
…and then I woke up.
Sudden Flash Fiction contest entry
I hurriedly gulped my third cup of coffee for the day and checked the clock. I could get to the grocery store, do my shopping, and get home before the kids…barely. It was already one fifteen in the afternoon.
Making sure my grocery list was in my bag, I grabbed my keys, said goodbye to the dogs, and headed for the door. Outside, I started humming as I locked the deadbolt.
Walking outside, I took a deep breath of the crisp, fall air. My legs felt a little bit cool, and I reminded myself winter was just around the corner. Approaching the car, pushing the button of my fob, I heard the reassuring 'beep,' and the click of the door locks opening.
Driving through the light traffic on the way to the store, I listened to a local disc-jockey and his side-kick.
'Hey, Ralphie. Did you hear what happened yesterday in Trump Ville?'
'No. What did he do now?'
'Well, it seems he went to Las Vegas to comfort the victims of the massacre.'
'And…?'
'Believe it or not, he actually read from prepared remarks. He didn't make a fool of himself by just making it up as he went along.'
'Really? Maybe the guy's wising up.'
'Or maybe he's realizing he has been losing supporters.'
'So, what…'
I hit the search button on the tuner. Surely there was something better than that. Being in the mood for some music, I hoped for a good eighties station.
I heard Journey singing about open arms, and my heart took flight. Making sure the windows were up, I started to sing along. My voice wasn't the greatest, but singing made me happy. Hitting the high notes with Steve, I was in seventh heaven.
Steve Perry had been replaced by the beat of 'Juke Box Hero,' when I pulled into the lot. Parking at the far end, I prepared for the short hike. The kids laughingly referred to this as Mom's exercise for the week.
Grabbing a cart on the way in, I smiled at the greeter, and he gave me a wide smile. Maybe my day was getting better. Smiling people made me happy.
Pulling my list out, I started on my trip around the store. My list was organized by my path through the shop, and I picked up items here and there. Surprisingly, the produce section was well stocked on this Friday afternoon, and I was happy to find sweet plums and ripe nectarines.
Halloween decorations were everywhere you looked and my heart felt good. This was my favorite time of year. More than likely, it was because my birthday was just around the corner, but the bright orange and black bedecking lightened my steps.
Rounding the corner, I inspected the display on the end-cap, and felt my stomach drop. They were already pushing the pumpkin pie filling, along with the makings of green bean casserole. Thanksgiving was coming with all its work and family obligations.
So many people were greeting me with friendly smiles. I thought there must be something in the air. As I continued through the store, I was lucky to find the items I needed, and the kids wanted. It must've been my lucky day, because the prices were even better than I'd hoped for.
The cereal aisle was out of the sugary stuff my kids liked, but there was an abundance of the different flavors of Special K. I decided I could splurge and grab several boxes. All the other prices were lower, right?
Nearing the end of my list, and the final part of the store, I became aware of stares coming my way. I'd encountered plenty of big smiles around the store today, but the stares were disconcerting. Picking up those last few items, I made my way to the check-out stands.
The lines were long, and I wondered if standing in line would take longer than the shopping did. Choosing the shortest line I could find, I settled in for the wait. I was looking forward to getting to the little news rack by the registers. At least then, I could read the latest gossip on the tabloids.
Little white dots started to cross my vision. Struggling to keep my wits about me, I was surprised to hear laughter. People were pointing and laughing. Were they looking at me?
As the lady closest to me pointed with a snicker, I looked down. I wasn't wearing any pants.
…and then I woke up.
Making sure my grocery list was in my bag, I grabbed my keys, said goodbye to the dogs, and headed for the door. Outside, I started humming as I locked the deadbolt.
Walking outside, I took a deep breath of the crisp, fall air. My legs felt a little bit cool, and I reminded myself winter was just around the corner. Approaching the car, pushing the button of my fob, I heard the reassuring 'beep,' and the click of the door locks opening.
Driving through the light traffic on the way to the store, I listened to a local disc-jockey and his side-kick.
'Hey, Ralphie. Did you hear what happened yesterday in Trump Ville?'
'No. What did he do now?'
'Well, it seems he went to Las Vegas to comfort the victims of the massacre.'
'And…?'
'Believe it or not, he actually read from prepared remarks. He didn't make a fool of himself by just making it up as he went along.'
'Really? Maybe the guy's wising up.'
'Or maybe he's realizing he has been losing supporters.'
'So, what…'
I hit the search button on the tuner. Surely there was something better than that. Being in the mood for some music, I hoped for a good eighties station.
I heard Journey singing about open arms, and my heart took flight. Making sure the windows were up, I started to sing along. My voice wasn't the greatest, but singing made me happy. Hitting the high notes with Steve, I was in seventh heaven.
Steve Perry had been replaced by the beat of 'Juke Box Hero,' when I pulled into the lot. Parking at the far end, I prepared for the short hike. The kids laughingly referred to this as Mom's exercise for the week.
Grabbing a cart on the way in, I smiled at the greeter, and he gave me a wide smile. Maybe my day was getting better. Smiling people made me happy.
Pulling my list out, I started on my trip around the store. My list was organized by my path through the shop, and I picked up items here and there. Surprisingly, the produce section was well stocked on this Friday afternoon, and I was happy to find sweet plums and ripe nectarines.
Halloween decorations were everywhere you looked and my heart felt good. This was my favorite time of year. More than likely, it was because my birthday was just around the corner, but the bright orange and black bedecking lightened my steps.
Rounding the corner, I inspected the display on the end-cap, and felt my stomach drop. They were already pushing the pumpkin pie filling, along with the makings of green bean casserole. Thanksgiving was coming with all its work and family obligations.
So many people were greeting me with friendly smiles. I thought there must be something in the air. As I continued through the store, I was lucky to find the items I needed, and the kids wanted. It must've been my lucky day, because the prices were even better than I'd hoped for.
The cereal aisle was out of the sugary stuff my kids liked, but there was an abundance of the different flavors of Special K. I decided I could splurge and grab several boxes. All the other prices were lower, right?
Nearing the end of my list, and the final part of the store, I became aware of stares coming my way. I'd encountered plenty of big smiles around the store today, but the stares were disconcerting. Picking up those last few items, I made my way to the check-out stands.
The lines were long, and I wondered if standing in line would take longer than the shopping did. Choosing the shortest line I could find, I settled in for the wait. I was looking forward to getting to the little news rack by the registers. At least then, I could read the latest gossip on the tabloids.
Little white dots started to cross my vision. Struggling to keep my wits about me, I was surprised to hear laughter. People were pointing and laughing. Were they looking at me?
As the lady closest to me pointed with a snicker, I looked down. I wasn't wearing any pants.
…and then I woke up.
 Recognized |
|
photo from public domain
750 words per MS Word
Just having a bit of fun. Totally fiction, and it never happened. Well, maybe there was that one time...
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. 750 words per MS Word
Just having a bit of fun. Totally fiction, and it never happened. Well, maybe there was that one time...
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