General Fiction posted July 10, 2017

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A contest entry , Dearest.

Junk Mail

by frogbook

The author has placed a warning on this post for language.

"Dearest, would this be of interest to you?" Harold asked, timidly.

"I'll tell you what would be of interest to me--the sound of a lawn mower started by you, that would be a damn interesting thing," said Dalene.

"But, dear...."

"Don't, but dear me, just get your ass outside and get started. I'm not interested in some damn junk mail. It's all bullshit and scams. You'd do well to remember that. Just take it and if you want to know where you can put it, I'll be glad to tell you."

"Ooh. She's so cranky," Harold muttered as he headed out to the lawn mower.

"I heard that, you old ingrate," she of the supersonic hearing shouted.

Harold stuffed the envelope in his pocket and mowed the lawn. Then he turned the sprinklers on and headed into the house.

Dalene met him at the door. "You idiot, why are you watering? The girls are coming over and we wanted to sit by the tree in the shade. I told you that. Do you think we want to sit in a swamp? Now go turn the damn thing off!"

Now Harold couldn't hide his irritation, yet he did not utter a single word. He only turned away and headed for the faucet.

Through the years, Harold had considered leaving. He just couldn't equate this new Dalene with the one he married. He kept thinking, maybe the old Dalene would return, but hope was finally fading. There was nothing else he could do. He would go through with 'The plan'.

He called the man he had made the arrangements with. "It's on, you have to get rid of her, I can't take it anymore."


Harold walked into his real estate office, walked straight to his secretary and, albeit a bit awkwardly, dipped her back, and kissed her deeply. She was taken by surprise, but returned the kiss in no uncertain terms.

When they finally came up for air, Shirley said, "Well, Harold what came over you?'

"Shirley, I have loved you for years, and I think you feel the same."

"But, what about Dalene?"

"Dalene will no longer be a problem."

Shirley could only stare, wide-eyed, a bit surprised at Harold's maniacal laugh.


The man approached the house cautiously. He mounted the stairs and quietly let himself in the unlocked door. He heard activity in the kitchen, so he gingerly walked to the door. He reached in his pocket.

"Dalene, please put down the towel. He pointed it at her."

"And what do you think you are doing, James Perry?"

He thrust the object toward her. "Harold said you don't like reading papers but here's one I think you'll want to see. I'm here as a lawyer today, and I am serving you these divorce papers."

Dalene reached for the papers and grabbed them out of the lawyer's hand and looked them over.

"Why that little weasel, I didn't think he had it in him."


Harold looked around the office he ran for the last twenty years. He grabbed the suitcase, he'd packed from the house, took Shirley's hand, and they whisked off to the lottery office. They picked up the winnings announced in the letter, Harold had offered to Dalene, and boarded a plane.


After signing the divorce papers, Dalene approached James and slapped him playfully with the manila envelope. He took them from her, threw them to the floor, picked her up and whisked her upstairs to the bedroom.


Where is She Coming From? writing prompt entry
Writing Prompt
Write a story that starts with the sentence: "Dearest, would this be of interest to you?"

What can I say? LOL.

Picture from Google.
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