| Biographical Non-Fiction posted January 25, 2017 | Chapters: |
2 3 -4- 5... 
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How Mr. Darren learned to control his anger
A chapter in the book Lamentations of a Lost Laddy
Bedbugs and character flaws
by Badger_29
Dedicated to all in recovery. Keep up the good work!
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
| Background Chapters one and two are my early life, three was up to current, and this chapter is a commentary on things that happened to me while living at North Side Recovery. |
If you are like me in this way, then you know that some things can only be accomplished the hard way!
When you enter the world of recovery, you are faced with a new lease on life; you get to "re-invent" yourself, shedding the bad habits and slowly, painfully, replacing them with new, constructive and life skill building ones. In this process, one must learn about one's "character" flaws, those evil skeletons hiding in our closets that have manipulated and controlled our negative behaviors for so long.
The reason that they are so hard to identify and change is because they are so firmly engrained in our personality, like years of crusty barnacles and grime cemented to the underside of a seagoing vessel.
Mr. Darren found out quickly that one of his main flaws was, (is, still working on it!), ANGER.
Styx put it very succinctly in a song off the 1977 album, "Grand Illusion" called "Fooling Yourself (Angry Young Man)",
"Why must you be such an angry young man, when your future looks quite bright to me?"
I found that the one that I am angriest at is me!
This is the letter that I wrote:
To Whom It may Concern:
This is the story of bedbugs (and other) problems that I have experienced at North Side Recovery.
The problem started in June of 2016. The bugs were a problem and it was all that Bill G., the day manager, could do to keep up with the constant complaints. He was treating the mattresses with powder. I kept having problems, and on the evening of May 31st, it came to a head!
I came back after the first meeting that I had missed since my residency (there are three mandatory meetings, T, W, and Thursday, and I had been so tired from lack of sleep that I fell asleep on the bike trail and inadvertently missed the meeting)
When you enter the world of recovery, you are faced with a new lease on life; you get to "re-invent" yourself, shedding the bad habits and slowly, painfully, replacing them with new, constructive and life skill building ones. In this process, one must learn about one's "character" flaws, those evil skeletons hiding in our closets that have manipulated and controlled our negative behaviors for so long.
The reason that they are so hard to identify and change is because they are so firmly engrained in our personality, like years of crusty barnacles and grime cemented to the underside of a seagoing vessel.
Mr. Darren found out quickly that one of his main flaws was, (is, still working on it!), ANGER.
Styx put it very succinctly in a song off the 1977 album, "Grand Illusion" called "Fooling Yourself (Angry Young Man)",
"Why must you be such an angry young man, when your future looks quite bright to me?"
I found that the one that I am angriest at is me!
This is the letter that I wrote:
To Whom It may Concern:
This is the story of bedbugs (and other) problems that I have experienced at North Side Recovery.
The problem started in June of 2016. The bugs were a problem and it was all that Bill G., the day manager, could do to keep up with the constant complaints. He was treating the mattresses with powder. I kept having problems, and on the evening of May 31st, it came to a head!
I came back after the first meeting that I had missed since my residency (there are three mandatory meetings, T, W, and Thursday, and I had been so tired from lack of sleep that I fell asleep on the bike trail and inadvertently missed the meeting)
When I complained that the bugs had been biting me, the day manager, Doc, said that it was all in my head! At that point I attempted to contact Bill G, but he was not available, so I called the owner, Bill B.
He got angry with me, so I told him that I needed to see him in person, and hung up on him.
He came in very angrily and ordered me in to the office. He then proceeded to state that they had checked for bugs in my area, and found none. When I told him that I had killed one, and had been repeatedly bitten, he said, "Show me the bug! Show me the bites!" I was livid by now, and I lost my temper and told him to fuck off.
Well, I was then , not so cordially, invited to grab what I needed immediately, and leave the premises and come back for the rest of my stuff the next day.
I apologized vehemently and asked if he would reconsider, to no avail.
I found another clean and sober living place right away, but to my horror, found that this place too was infested with the little vampires. What to do?!
So, I put my belongings in storage, and went back to live at an area by the river that I was familiar with, close to CSUS.
The image for this chapter is one of the many wonderful and peaceful pictures that I took from my camp.
I am very proud of myself, because I had enough sobriety under my belt, I was exposed to meth MORE THAN ONCE during my stay at the river, but I never gave in, remembering how horrible my other two relapses had been, and just thoroughly enjoying a clear state of mind for the first time in many years.
On the afternoon of June 31st, Bill G texted me and told me that he had a bed open, and that I could return to North Side. I immediately accepted the offer, and moved back in, much to the pleasure of all there, especially my good friend and roommate Curt.
When I asked Bill how it was that I was invited back, he said, "I told Bill that I was inviting you back, and he grumbled, but agreed that I know what is best"
Another factor that I believed helped was my improved professional attitude.
Because a storage payment had been stolen out of the mail box, I was short on rent, and owed about $225.00
Now, I could have said screw them, but I did not, and after I was kicked out, I returned to make a payment of one third the amount of the balance.
After I returned, I was told to forget about the remaining balance.
Helleluja!
I would like to inform you that God has favored and blessed me extravagantly all of my life.
On Thursday, July 14th the whole house was treated for pests. When I returned that evening, I found three live bedbugs on and around my mattress. I placed them in a zip-lock bag, and reported the incident to Doc. On Friday the 15th in the evening, I recieved eight bites altogether, and by now I was very wary, and had the sense to document them with date stamped pictures from my phone.
Not wanting to be bitten any more, I slept on the couch for the rest of the evening. (Which is against the rules!)
The next day Bill G was off, so Bill B came in at 6:00 AM and demanded to know what I was doing sleeping on the couch. When I told him that I was still getting bitten, he exploded and said that he had just spent a large amount of money getting rid of the pests, and that it was probably me that was bringing in the little blood suckers.
Now, the old me would have reacted with anger, BUT the new me said, politely, "Yes sir, not a problem, sir, it won't happen again sir"
Fortunately Bill G showed up shortly thereafter and informed Bill B that it was not my fault, that there was in fact still a bug infestation. He told me that Bill B was not angry at me, he was angry at the whole situation, and for having paid for a service that was not completely rendered.
I have been bitten now, humiliated, disrespected, and traumatized. I have sincerely apologized for my behavior, but had not gotten any back.
Then, a couple of days later, Bill B came up to ME and apologized! I found this to be a suitable reward and outcome for the pain and patience which I had invested, and it turned out to be a humbling experience for us both.
Hallelujah!
I find it ironic that two of the traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous are to be capable of rigorous honesty, and when we were wrong, we promptly admitted it. Maybe Bill B's admittance was not so prompt, but in the grand scheme of things, it was a miraculous "gift" that I will remember and cherish for the rest of my life.
I really like it here at North Side Recovery, and truly believe and show through my actions, hard work, and genuine compassion that I am an asset to the environment.
I would like to continue to live and participate in the program. I am writing this letter in hopes of a peaceful resolution. I just want to exist in a bug free environment, and get along with everybody.
I am sorry for losing my temper, and will do my best to work on that so that it does not happen again.
I do not think that these are unreasonable requests.
Thank-you so much for your help and continued support.
Respectfully, Mr. Darren
And this is how Mr. Darren learned not only how to control his anger, but I have also done a lot of research on how to control bugs.
Hallelujah!
He got angry with me, so I told him that I needed to see him in person, and hung up on him.
He came in very angrily and ordered me in to the office. He then proceeded to state that they had checked for bugs in my area, and found none. When I told him that I had killed one, and had been repeatedly bitten, he said, "Show me the bug! Show me the bites!" I was livid by now, and I lost my temper and told him to fuck off.
Well, I was then , not so cordially, invited to grab what I needed immediately, and leave the premises and come back for the rest of my stuff the next day.
I apologized vehemently and asked if he would reconsider, to no avail.
I found another clean and sober living place right away, but to my horror, found that this place too was infested with the little vampires. What to do?!
So, I put my belongings in storage, and went back to live at an area by the river that I was familiar with, close to CSUS.
The image for this chapter is one of the many wonderful and peaceful pictures that I took from my camp.
I am very proud of myself, because I had enough sobriety under my belt, I was exposed to meth MORE THAN ONCE during my stay at the river, but I never gave in, remembering how horrible my other two relapses had been, and just thoroughly enjoying a clear state of mind for the first time in many years.
On the afternoon of June 31st, Bill G texted me and told me that he had a bed open, and that I could return to North Side. I immediately accepted the offer, and moved back in, much to the pleasure of all there, especially my good friend and roommate Curt.
When I asked Bill how it was that I was invited back, he said, "I told Bill that I was inviting you back, and he grumbled, but agreed that I know what is best"
Another factor that I believed helped was my improved professional attitude.
Because a storage payment had been stolen out of the mail box, I was short on rent, and owed about $225.00
Now, I could have said screw them, but I did not, and after I was kicked out, I returned to make a payment of one third the amount of the balance.
After I returned, I was told to forget about the remaining balance.
Helleluja!
I would like to inform you that God has favored and blessed me extravagantly all of my life.
On Thursday, July 14th the whole house was treated for pests. When I returned that evening, I found three live bedbugs on and around my mattress. I placed them in a zip-lock bag, and reported the incident to Doc. On Friday the 15th in the evening, I recieved eight bites altogether, and by now I was very wary, and had the sense to document them with date stamped pictures from my phone.
Not wanting to be bitten any more, I slept on the couch for the rest of the evening. (Which is against the rules!)
The next day Bill G was off, so Bill B came in at 6:00 AM and demanded to know what I was doing sleeping on the couch. When I told him that I was still getting bitten, he exploded and said that he had just spent a large amount of money getting rid of the pests, and that it was probably me that was bringing in the little blood suckers.
Now, the old me would have reacted with anger, BUT the new me said, politely, "Yes sir, not a problem, sir, it won't happen again sir"
Fortunately Bill G showed up shortly thereafter and informed Bill B that it was not my fault, that there was in fact still a bug infestation. He told me that Bill B was not angry at me, he was angry at the whole situation, and for having paid for a service that was not completely rendered.
I have been bitten now, humiliated, disrespected, and traumatized. I have sincerely apologized for my behavior, but had not gotten any back.
Then, a couple of days later, Bill B came up to ME and apologized! I found this to be a suitable reward and outcome for the pain and patience which I had invested, and it turned out to be a humbling experience for us both.
Hallelujah!
I find it ironic that two of the traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous are to be capable of rigorous honesty, and when we were wrong, we promptly admitted it. Maybe Bill B's admittance was not so prompt, but in the grand scheme of things, it was a miraculous "gift" that I will remember and cherish for the rest of my life.
I really like it here at North Side Recovery, and truly believe and show through my actions, hard work, and genuine compassion that I am an asset to the environment.
I would like to continue to live and participate in the program. I am writing this letter in hopes of a peaceful resolution. I just want to exist in a bug free environment, and get along with everybody.
I am sorry for losing my temper, and will do my best to work on that so that it does not happen again.
I do not think that these are unreasonable requests.
Thank-you so much for your help and continued support.
Respectfully, Mr. Darren
And this is how Mr. Darren learned not only how to control his anger, but I have also done a lot of research on how to control bugs.
Hallelujah!
I am truly thankful that, after a bit of conflict and irritation, I have gained a valuable lesson!
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