I'm a very peaceful lady and, to tell the truth, have very few pet peeves, maybe none. But I have to write this essay, so I'll make an effort to come up with something.

Let me think... I can't stand it when people drink directly out of the milk carton. Is it so difficult to get a glass? I feel tempted to push the carton into their faces so that the liquid goes up their nostrils and floods their little shrivelled brains. So there!

I also hate noisy eaters. If left to my own devices I'd glue their jaws together. That'd teach them to eat daintily. If they were ever able to eat again, that is. Because I'd obviously use superglue.

As I'm a writer, I can't bear bad grammar. For me the worst mistake a person can make is to use a double negative. There isn't nothing as horrible as that.

Now that I'm getting warmed up, I'm starting to think of lots of things I detest. Like people who don't wash their hands after they use the toilet. One of these days, I'll stand outside the ladies holding a machine gun and... Just kidding.

Something that really gets on my nerves is people who zigzag between lanes on the motorway. I'd never do that myself. As you can imagine, I'm an excellent driver.

And what about guys who leave the seat up? Next time my husband or my son do that, they are getting a swirlie.

I'm running out of words, the limit is three hundred. That's another thing I detest, word limits or restrictions of any kind...

Anyway, being so placid myself, I can't put up with people who have a long list of pet peeves. They should learn to relax, don't you think?