Biographical Non-Fiction posted July 23, 2015

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A Few Things That Bug Me Lately

I'll Tell You What Bugs Me

by wordsfromsue

The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
What's bugging me? It'd be easier to ask what's NOT bothering me.

A life of working too hard, eating too much and sleeping too little seems to have ripped the joy, joy, joy right from my heart.

In exchange, I got a body that looks like Shrek's pale stepsister, a disposition wreaking of 'rottweiler with testicles caught in a bear trap' and a memory with more leaks than the Titanic in full sinking mode.

My body, got to love it, and I do, it's not Body's fault that I picked pies and peanut butter ice cream every chance I got. Or blew off exercise like an inept lady of the night.

Body got me back for all those rotten choices. Showers used to be a warm, relaxing experience. They now seem like a contorted remake of "Twist and Shout". If my over sized self wants to reach my disappearing girlie areas for bathing and such, I've had to resort to super gluing my SpongeBob bath mitt to hubby's all purpose yardstick. Darn splinters.

Oh yeah, hubby... He's been no prince when it comes to healthy living either. I'm not one to complain (out loud), but it gets disheartening when the only woody I get to play with in my house is the Toy Story cowboy I got in my Happy Meal years ago. Or that yardstick.

The latest thing that bugs me is this stinking flatulence. I can't help it that I like high fiber food so much. My disposition is not helped by the fact that I clear a space faster than when you turn on the light in a room full of cockroaches.

I think the straw that broke the camel's back was our trip to the cinema this week. Who knew eating that jumbo bucket of popcorn while being crammed in to the tiny theatre seat would make me so gassy? Letting loose with a few noiseless butt bombs, I felt relief at managing to keep things quiet. I thought.

Imagine my horror when the person sitting next to me hissed (loudly), "Did you shit yourself?" My mortified imagination thought I heard that, followed closely by the sounds of bodies hitting the floor and an announcement over the loudspeaker system: "Please leave the theatre by the nearest exit. Noxious chemical warfare has been detected in the building's ventilation system. Don't panic, but for the love of all that's holy, run for your lives, folks!"

What's bugging me?


What's Bugging You? writing prompt entry
Writing Prompt
What has been bugging you lately? Get it off your chest and share it with us. Tell us how you feel, and why you feel so strongly miffed or saddened by it. Talk to us

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