A concierge, who picked Francis at the Rio Airport, drove him straight to his apartment on the tenth floor of a High Rise building not too far from the 'Diablo Beach. After the initial welcoming necessities, the young man was silent as if he was not permitted to chit chat with the folks he was assigned to ferry them to their destinations. That suited Francis very well. He had long ago built a pillbox like enclave in his psyche and had made it a habit to retreat into that safe-haven, whenever he felt he was in a situation where any inquisitive mind was about to indulge in the exercise of finding who he is or was.

The condition, one may call neurotic, had developed in him because, in spite of removing his collar and discarding the habits of a RC Priest; he had failed to get the Priest out of him. At best, he looked like one who has temporarily removed the vestments and was on a vacation from his parish. The nuns recognized him instantly and curtsied him as per their defined ways; the others often simply addressed him in the customary-" Good Morning or Evening, Father"- manners. It mortified him each time as he was compelled to respond to them in the befitting manners of an ordained priest.

"Why can't they recognize my departure? Don't I look like any common Brazilian Joe? How did it get stamped on my face? " There were questions and questions with no satisfactory answers. He would ponder and agonize over such trivial incidences and then irrational thoughts like:

"I get it; this is the Almighty God's way to punishing me."

The self-examination mode about his decision to rebel would then begin gnawing at his soul, followed by the rebellious mind's merciless scolding for entertaining such doubts.
"Your path has been opened for you by the destiny; be grateful for that; many more are languishing in that prison; now move on. What you walked away from was imposed on your soul, don't you understand? That was not your choice nor could you ever have a chance to exercise it, even if you had recognized it. Now remember this and don't look back, freedom awaits you with the eternally fulfilling peace. "

As the automobile from the office was rushing down the boulevard towards his apartment, the gentle morning breeze from the bay was blowing on his face. In his heart, Francis was becoming aware that he was simply chasing the wind. He reached out into his satchel and pulled out a small, black book and flipped through the pages until he found what he was looking for. Silently he read a translated quote from the Gnostic Bible of Thomas by Thomas Lambdin which he had jotted down:
" ...... Names given to the worldly are very deceptive, for they divert our thoughts from what is correct to what is incorrect. Thus one who hears the word "God" does not perceive what is correct, but perceives what is incorrect. So also with "the Father" and "the Son" and "the Holy Spirit" and "life" and "light" and "resurrection" and "the Church (Ekklesia)" and all the rest - people do not perceive what is correct but they perceive what is incorrect, unless they have come to know what is correct. ...."

"What is correct and who decides? It is not revealed anywhere, even in the Gnostic gospels, then where one can turn for the answers?" He was beginning to ponder on that thought when his destination arrived.

The efficient young man situated him in his room and informed him that the apartment was well stocked with the daily necessities and if he needed anything he just has to make a call to the management whose numbers were listed on the card next to the phone.

"Today, you are free to go anywhere on your own but if you need a car, all he has to do is just call the office. I will pick you up at 9 AM tomorrow to take you to the office." He informed Francis before leaving. Francis thanked him and acknowledged that he understood the instructions. As he left, he undressed and went in the bathroom to freshen up.

He prepared the bath and slid into the warm water and soon returned to his earlier chain of thoughts and the quote from the Gnostic Gospel.

"The duality we have been taught to believe in since the Genesis Chapter was written, does not in reality exist in the universe as two distinct and recognizable entities; but it exists only as one entity that has two sides. Then the question arises, when and what or who for that matter, then is good now, but could be evil later and vice-versa? Was I good then as the God Almighty's Servant or am I evil now because I left His service? But then did he not make me as I am and did I not serve His institution faithfully as I am? Why then I cannot serve him even as an abomination, even though I am convinced, I am not but made now by the same institution just because I am different and is this the -Good not Good, and the Evil not Evil- Thomas wrote about and if it is, then has it not the so called evil came out of that good? If only, like the others, I had kept playing that charade, I wouldn't have been denigrated and would have continued to serve the same Good, Loving Father, the Son and also the Holy Spirit?"
His mental wrestling match would have continued to the perpetuity as there was no possible winner nor it could end in a draw but, it did get disrupted by a repeated and persistent banging on his door.
" I am in the bathroom; wait a minute." Francis called out loudly and the visitor stopped knocking.
Francis grabbed the robe and opened the door. There was a young man with an envelope in his hand.
"You could have just slid it in after knocking; didn't have to wake the neighbors." He admonished the messenger.
" I am sorry but I have been knocking for quite some time and my instructions are to give it to you in person only." The messenger spoke in a matter of fact voice.
Francis felt bit foolish but thanked him and the man left aftera slight tilting of head in a manner of saluting. Francis tossed the envelope on the desk next to the bed and went back to finish his toiletry routines. After coming out he simply put on his Khaki and a loose shirt and simply walked out of his apartment. It was after one and he was hungry. He knew Rio very well and went straight towards the Stone Arpoador Rock and walked into the street. He sat down at his favorite outdoor cafe and ordered breakfast of eggs, ham, toasts, orange juice and black coffee. He ate heartily and read the local paper as he ate. Luckily he did not come across anyone from his past sojourns in the same location nor was the waiter familiar to him.

The food and the ambiance surrounding the beach resorts made him feel free and his spirit rose He felt like enjoying the bright sunny day. Not a single thought came in his mind about his past and the divinity; instead, he began watching the young men and women having marvelous time. They were necking, hugging, kissing and extracting as much pleasures their bodies could deliver while in the public. No one was interested in watching others; they were into themselves as if each couple had the whole universe for themselves and they wanted nothing else but the free willed, unadulterated euphoria before their vacation was to end and they were to return to face the mundane world where they would have to work twice hard to pay off all that debt they were incurring without any care in the world.

Francis had taken his celibacy very seriously not only in sprit but also in the flesh. He kept sexuality completely suppressed and shunned from the living experiences while he was going through his early youth. He was bombarded with the negative and outright anti carnal pleasure indoctrinating materials. Everything was tied to the place in the Paradise after death and the pleasures of the flesh were nothing but the impediments on the path leading to that proverbial pearly gate he was told and he had believed in it. He never looked at a young woman's body with desires and was sure that he was preparing for the Noble Vocation of being the servant of the Church and through it, that of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. The psycho-biological reasons for that aversion were never occurred to him or anyone else. He realized that sexual orientation when he did experience pleasures during his first and the only encounter with that young Italian but had never really understood why.

Unconsciously Francis spotted two young men engaged in similar activities the other heterosexual lovers were engaged in. The first reaction was that he turned his eyes away from them, picked up the newspaper and buried his face into it without reading. The ploy did not work and he slowly lowered the paper enough to see what was going on. He saw them occasionally kissing each other lightly, but intimately discussing something that appeared to him like a romantic interlude between the hugging, caressing and kissing. Like the others, they too were indifferent to the surroundings and folks going about their business were also nonchalant about their presence and activities. He watched them intently picking up every facial and body language clues they were giving; as if he was making a psychological research to prove some hypothesis or perhaps, he was comparing them with his own suppressed emotions and thoughts.He remained hidden behind the newspaper but ultimately putting the paper away to observe openly. The couple engaged in the intimate social intercourse, started to move towards his location and that made him change the angle of his position. He straightened his posture and hailed a waiter and ordered more coffee.

The twosomes actually wanted to have lunch and they came on the same side of the sidewalk patio Francis was sitting and without as much as throwing a glance at him, sat at a table, within the proximity of his table. He was relieved of anxiety of being discovered as a peeping tom and facing the consequential unpleasant encounter with them. Instead of that he heard them discussing their planned wedding.

They were Americans and their discussion was completely pivoted on the event. He was eavesdropping along with the waiter, out of a natural condition of being in a public place and above all, the participants appeared neither concerned about being gay, nor were discreet about the subject under discussion. Francis was the only unrelated party interested in their affairs. He was listening to the discussion intently missing nothing. The first one said after the waiter left was as follows:

"I think we should at least try and approach different churches; someone may agree to get us married in church. I always wanted our union blessed by the Church." That appeared to be the bride of the two who spoke with a religious fervor and convictions.
"I don't see that happening; our own Church rejected us; don't you remember what Father Atkins said to us? He excommunicated us after we refused to give up our love and then lectured us about the consequence in the afterlife. They all are same! They have nothing to do with love between two individuals and it is all about the God Created Adam and Eve and procreation." The groom spoke with passion and resentment in his voice. He continued after a short pause.
"I too miss going to church and I too wish like you for a Priest marrying and blessing our union but then, such priest or a church just does not exist in our Roman Catholic or for that matter, in any other religion. Just forget it for now; may be on our twenty fifth anniversary we could remarry in the church; by then we will probably have our own church."

Francis had heard enough of it and then he wondered, "was Apostle Didymos Judas Thomas right in saying," people do not perceive what is correct but they perceive what is incorrect, unless they have come to know what is correct."
What do we perceive then if we hear words like God, Son and Holy Spirit and we do not conceive what is correct but conceive what we are told to conceive? What was lacking in the two individual's love for each other? Is it this love Church forbids in the name of God and there is not a single statement in all the Gospels indicating God forbade such love and affection. Who then introduced this excommunication of devout individuals from the house of God if the Church is supposed to be the one such place? Is it not Christ said, "Church is my body?" Who has then the authority to ban individuals from entering in Christ? Nay, I must say; today, I must accept the fact that I have truly perceived what is correct and have rejected what I had perceived 'incorrect' ever since I heard those words, "Father, Son and the Holy Ghost". Today, I have drunk from my Master's Mouth and I feel He is me and I am Him as He had told to his closest apostle. At last, I am truly united with my Savior in sprit."

As if in a trance; he got up, approached the two men and said to them:

"You are in the presence of Him when you truly love; you need no one else, not even a church or a priest to be blessed in your true matrimony of spirit."

He left the bewildered men gaping at him and rapidly walked towards the apartment.