Joel sat on a bench under the lilac trees watching a group of young men play football. As the ball landed on the grass near his feet, Joel went into a fit of coughing, and cursed as the young player who retrieved it ignored him and rejoined his friends.

"Mister, are you okay?"

Joel turned to look at the speaker.

"Damn," he muttered. At about twelve years old, she would have been an easy target, but she was not what he was looking for.

"Amy, who are you talking to?"

When he heard the adult voice, Joel slumped over, coughing and wheezing as though any breath might be his last. The woman approached, and Joel silently cursed whatever force or law it was that made it necessary for his victim to approach and speak to him first. The overweight middle aged woman was not to his liking.

"Sir, do you need an ambulance," the woman asked.

"Nnnn...," he began. Then the idea hit him. He definitely did not need an ambulance, but the two strong young paramedics that came with it might be exactly what he needed. He gasped and nodded.

"The gentleman looks about ninety," Joel heard her say, and had to fake another bout of coughing to cover his laughter as she described his condition.

Minutes later the ambulance arrived and Amy and her mother walked off, never knowing that on another day they may not have been so lucky.

"My name is Kevin, and this is my partner, Sharon. Can you tell us who you are?"

"Joel."

"Okay Joel, can you tell us your last name?" asked Kevin.

"Jones."

After asking the day, date, and all the usual questions they always asked to determine a patient's mental status, Kevin decided that 'Joel Jones' probably had no insurance, but was mentally sound.

"Do you mind if I check your blood pressure?" asked Sharon.

"Fine," said Joel.

"It's pretty high," said Sharon. "I think you have some trouble with your lungs, too. You'd better come with us and get that checked out. Make sure you don't have pneumonia."

Joel complied as the two paramedics loaded him into the ambulance.

"I think I have something in my eye," Joel said as the ambulance was about to leave. "Could you have a look?"

"Sure, no problem," said Kevin. He grabbed a towel and a bottle of eyewash and shivered as he looked into Joel's eyes. He didn't know why, but those eyes would have frightened him if they hadn't resided in such a frail looking face. "I don't see anything, but I'll wash it out for you just in case."

"Never mind," said Joel, looking first at Kevin and then at Sharon. "You know something? That bank over there needs some help with their money. You guys think you could help?"

"Sure," said Kevin. "What is it they need us to do?"

"Just go and take it all out. We'll keep it safe right here in the ambulance until they're ready to have it back."

Sharon looked dubious, and Joel focused his attention on her. "Happens all the time," he said. "When they get to thinking somebody's planning a robbery, they hide the money somewhere else. Hey, could you hand me my cane? I feel nervous when I'm parted from it."

Sharon picked up the cane and felt a jolt of static electricity. For a second she wondered how the cane had picked up the charge, then felt much better about things. It all made sense now. They wouldn't be doing anything wrong, they'd be helping. Once the would-be robbers were caught, they'd give all the money back. She handed the cane to Joel.

"Thanks. You know, I left my bag under the bench. Could one of you grab it for me?"

Sharon complied, and soon was back. Joel explained the details. "Don't worry," he said. "This gun won't hurt anyone. It'll just knock them out for a bit."

Kevin and Sharon walked into the bank and pushed past other customers to the front.

"Excuse me," said a teller, "these people were here first."

"That doesn't matter," said Sharon. "We're here to take all the money out for you."

"I don't think so," said the teller.

Kevin shot her in the head. Two security guards reached for their weapons, and Kevin shot them before they could shoot him with their real guns. Terrified customers ran from the bank, reaching for their cell phones. Kevin let them go.

The remaining tellers shoved money into bags for Sharon.

"Thank you," she said. "We'll have it back to you as soon as possible."

Kevin heard sirens and wondered if the police had caught the robbers already. He hoped so. Then they could give the money back and take Joel to the hospital as soon as possible.

Armed police officers stood between the two paramedics and the ambulance. Kevin remembered what Joel had said. He'd promised that neither he or Sharon would be hurt, but he might have to use his 'knock-out gun,' as he'd called it.
Kevin reached for his gun, but he never had a chance. Police shot him before he got off a single shot. Sharon reached for Kevin's gun, but was easily grabbed by police. As Joel had promised, the bank had their money back in short order. Of course, the gun Joel had given Kevin was real, and the bank was filled with carnage.

"Don't worry, sir," said the young policewoman who discovered Joel, still in the ambulance. "First we'll get you to the hospital and get you looked at, then we'll want to talk to you."

Joel was elated. His only regret was that he hadn't thought of this sooner. Important people who would want to talk to him now. First the doctors, then the police, and perhaps even the district attorney would want a word with him. Oh, the things he could say to the judge and jury at Sharon's trial. The fun was just beginning.