Satire Fiction posted September 2, 2014

This work has reached the exceptional level
Short Story-Contest Entry

Reviewers Taste Like Chicken

by michaelcahill

"Hi everybody! I'm Sammy Shyboy Sheep. I'm here to learn and join this wonderful flock… er group of writers. I hope that together we can all improve, becoming shepherded in the right direction as one unit with like purpose. We all aspire to become better writers. Right? "
Hmmmm. My first review. What? Scheme/dreams, that's a good rhyme. Purist bitch. EEEEM! There's your damn rhyme. Adding an "S" isn't considered blah, blah, blah. Got my eye on you, lady. 
"Oh. Thank you so much. I'll see what I can do about fixing that. I'm so delighted that you enjoyed my piece and took the time to review! Sammy"

 Hmm. A haiku. What's that, a cuckoo clock with a wasted bird too lazy to get the 'cuck' out? "This is an exceptional use of the haiku form. I don't usually like haiku, but this haiku is a good haiku compared to your run of the mill haiku. Sammy" Three tries to get enough words in. Haikaarrrrooooooo!
Oh no, not Chicken Nit Pickin! A three? What now? You're sorry? Well, I'm sorry too. You aren't sorry enough to give me a five though, are you? There goes my six, spot on the front page and my last nerve. See ya next full moon. Okay, cordial. I've got this. "Thank you so much. These constructive reviews will help make me a better writer. It is so kind of you to take the extra time to point out specifically which errors I've made. I've corrected the grammar errors you pointed out. :)) Lousy pick-out-any-meaningless-little-piece-of-nothing-to-keep-me-down bitch. Thanks again! Sammy"

Hey, guess what Chicken Nit Pickin? I've got three Standard accounts that are going to give you threes. AARROOOOOOO! Keep the coop locked tonight, Colonel Sammy Wolfstein will be on the prowl!

What is this crap now? A one star review? You've got to be aaarrrrooooooo kidding me! This fool doesn't even post. How do I get back at him? Well, someone is going to pay. You may not "get it" buddy, but somebady's going to. They can blame you!

What's this? The Forum. I love it.


Why do a few bitter people have to spoil the love we lovingly share here in our lovely love family. I want to be known as the loveable, lover of love, on the love train to Loveville… All aboard!

That should get some sixes. What I really love is the taste of reviewer flesh. Reminds me of a song, "You Only Eat the Ones You Love".
"Well, I've been here three months. Thank you for all your help
none and advice lousy and friendship who needs enemies. Especially Chicken Nit Pickin who took me under her wing heard of deodorant? and helped me grow as a writer.

By the way, Chicken Nit Pickin' was delicious! I hope none of you catches me with my sheep suit off
You're the best!
Good to the last drop of blood.
Uh… I mean… thank you."


The FanStory Zoo-Prose 500 words. writing prompt entry
Writing Prompt
Write a short prose piece up to five hundred (500) words. You are a new member to FanStory and you are the animal of your choice. Describe your experience receiving reviews and finding your way about the site. Be creative. You can receive a review and respond to it as the animal you've chosen. The members you interact with can also be animals, your choice. The situations are up to you. A new FanStory member that is an animal using the site. That's it.


Just for fun! Sometimes with what I hear in the way of accusations and complaints here, this is my impression of what our little community sounds like. -smile-

The light grey italics is what the character is thinking. I think that is how to do that...

Hope you enjoy.

word count-498

Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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