Satire Non-Fiction posted August 11, 2014

This work has reached the exceptional level
Helping Christians to fit in..often known as compromising.

How to Build Your Own Lovable Jesus

by Deniz22

1. Get a popular translation

2. Do "the Jefferson" on it. (Note; Thomas Jefferson cut out anything he didn't approve of in the Bible.)

3. Get some unsaved friends to help you select offensive passages. A fresh approach with new insight unimpaired by scriptural knowledge is always helpful when judging God's eternal Word.

4. Start by selecting some "no-brainer" scriptures to be cut. For instance, Jesus would probably have left this one out if only he could have foreseen how sensitive the "unchurched" would be in our day: "If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter into life maimed, rather than having two hands, to go to hell, into the fire that shall never be quenched-- 44 where 'Their worm does not die And the fire is not quenched.' 45 And if your foot causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life lame, rather than having two feet, to be cast into hell, into the fire that shall never be quenched. Mark 9:43-45

5. Use #4 for a pattern; remove anything that suggests there is future judgment in store for those who are not Christian. Accept the open approval of your unsaved friends as you bask in the glow of "unconditional love".

6. I think you get the idea now, and are well on your way. One last hurdle...and it's a high one. Your friends hate the exclusivity of Christianity, so better snip this proven trouble-maker right away: Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6

7. Now relax! Don't you feel better? You feeling well is what it's all about. No nasty cross to bear! Live your best life now!



The Bible unflinchingly says that everyone needs forgiveness. This angers the self righteous. Many in today's church tailor the Biblical message to avoid criticism. Christ was criticized...who are we to escape being misunderstood and hated? Sin is highlighted by scripture so God can forgive and save.
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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