Humor Script posted January 4, 2014 Chapters:  ...7 8 -9- 10... 

This work has reached the exceptional level
FILLY adds more lies.

A chapter in the book Tea with Tattoo Tony

Lights, Camera, Action

by Spitfire

New character
        GRANT HOWARD:  A good-looking man in his late sixties. He stands erect, has
                                         excellent manners and speaks inpeccable English. He sports
                                         a beard and perhaps well-kept long hair-- enough to suggest
                                         he's in the art world. There is  warmth in his eyes and a hint of
                                         a sincere smile.


FELICITY: (forces a laugh) Tony, I love how you prepare for a role. (to PATRICIA)
Anthony or Tony, as he prefers to be called, is not my gardener. He’s
                  an  actor and just signed a contract to play a mobster. So he’s learning
                  to use poor grammar as part of his preparation.

TONY: An actor. I like that. Tony the actor.

PATRICIA: I’m impressed. And my kind sister has taken you under her
                   wing.   It’s a pastime for old maids, you know. (Crossing to
                   him, she  slips her arm through his.) Now, we definitely need to get 

                            (TONY  wrests free,  crosses to FILLY, put his arm around her waist.)

Sorry, I’m  already took. And so are you. Lionhead, is it?

                        (PATRICIA forces a laugh, thrown off her game. Then the light comes
                        on. She applauds.)

PATRICIA: Magnificent! You had me believing. The grammar, the lies, the affectionate
                   gestures. It’s all part of your role Anthony. Tell me about the plot.

TONY: It starts wid me--Tony, not Anthony,  enterin’ a rich lady’s house. I got a gun,
              but it ain’t—

FILLY: Tony! Don’t give away the story. It’s bad luck.


FILLY (to TONY) You could lose your role and even risk prison time.

TONY: I could?                                         PATRICIA: He could?

FILLY: Yes, darling, you could. Now tell my sister the truth about us.

PATRICIA: Us?                               

FILLY: The truth is, the director asked me to take a bit part in his movie since I
             contributed financial support. I decided it would be an  adventure and get
             me out of the house. (drily) That seems to be what you and your wayward
             brother want.

PATRICIA: You're delusional, Felicity. I always sus--

FILLY: Let me finish. Tony and I started talking in between takes, and I invited him
            for dinner one night, and one thing led to—

TONY: Get to the point, lady. (to PATRICIA) For dessert, I fucked her brains out.
                                    (Both sisters gasp.)

FILLY:  You did not! I still have them.

TONY:  Huh? Oh, sorry. I meant to say (dramatically) we made passion-ate love.     

                           (Taking Filly’s face in his hands, he squeezes her cheeks
so her lips pucker, then plants a firm kiss on her forehead.
FILLY pulls away.)

FILLY: Please, Tony. Not in front of my sister.

PATRICIA:  So you won’t die a virgin after all.

TONY: She’s no virgin.

PATRICIA: (shocked) Really?

FILLY: (shocked, she stares at  TONY): How- how could you possibly  know that?
                      (Doorbell chimes. Everyone is too engaged to move. ERMA
walks in from her listening post in doorway, a feather duster
                      in her hand.)

ERMA: I’m finished in the bedrooms, Miss Worthington. I must say your sheets were
            so tangled again —

PATRICIA: (noticing her first) Who the hell is this, Felicity?

                        (The doorbell chimes again. Twice. )

ERMA: The hired help, Ma’am. (to FILLY) Shall I answer the door?

TONY (to ERMA) I thought you was—

PATRICIA: (to FILLY) Ah, so you ARE wasting Father’s money.

FILLY: Not on foolish things like clothes more appropriate to a rebellious teenager.
           (to ERMA) I’m expecting an appraiser. Don’t let anyone else in!

                          (ERMA bustles to the door.)

PATRICIA: An appraiser! They charge thousands for their opinions. I’ll tell you the 
                  value of those boxed items for – wait a minute—are you planning on
                  selling these? Forget it. Not while I’m still alive.

FILLY: It’s my inheritance. I’m free to do as I please.

                        (ERMA brings in the appraiser.)

ERMA: Grant Howard is here. (to GRANT) The lady of the house is obvious.
                       (GRANT heads toward PATRICIA)

GRANT: A pleasure to meet you. You’re quite different from what I pictured. 

                       (They shake hands.)

ERMA: (to FILLY) So much for his ability to appraise anything. Ask to see his credentials.

To be continued.


Someone suggested I use italics for stage directions to make it easier to read.
Thanks to Google for my idea of Felicity's face.
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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