Every Christmas, amid the glitter, rituals and greed, I stop and remind my grandchildren that Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. At some point in the day, after the wonder fades and cardboard boxes become more interesting than the effort to give credit cards a Richard Simmons work-out, I'll find a private moment with the children and we will sing 'Happy Birthday' to Jesus.

I was not raised in a religious household, nor given lessons on faith. As a child I was subjected to abuse, sexual, emotional and physical. I had every reason to worship power as my god and Satan as my example.

Christmas, as it has evolved, is based on pagan rituals. While some of the traditions have Christian fusion, the one undeniable truth exists that we don't find enough reasons to celebrate. Gone are the days of daily family dinners or a day of rest that included church, clean clothes and Sunday family gatherings.

We are fragmented, busy, involved and spiritually starved. There is not a nano-second in our electronically absorbed day to make peace with ourselves, question or explore our motives. No, that luxury is reserved for our time with therapists or confessional booths.

Searching for personal faith, identifying my set of values, has been a lifetime quest. Many have suffered my indecision, my failing, flaying battle with personal integrity, but my moral compass has finally found its purity in absolute truth.

I invested heavily in finding my truth. The scars that plague my physical body can not compare to the wounds of my soul and yet now and then, inadvertently, I stumble upon religious zealots who preach from a pulpit of theological study; judge and sentence others with a handful of words selectively culled from the Bible.

At the risk of offending even more people on site, it occurs to me that the Bible is still a novel. As I am a witness, that even on Fan Story, there are good writers and horrid ones, I am reminded that the Bible was written by men. To extract proof from the Bible to support a point of view, might be equivalent to pulling out a single coherent sentence from the worst author on site, adding a foot note, thereby establishing the quote as fact, then proceeding to dismiss any argument or disagreement that might arise from that holy quote.

Many believe that the Bible represents the word of God. I absolutely agree. I believe that God lives within us all and completely accepts there are many like me, who have been tortured in the course of finding that connection. I sincerely believe that God never believed in censorship and allowed man to puke all over papyrus and take his name in vain.

When I think about Jesus as a living man, not the son of God, I am deeply inspired by his legacy. Imagine what it must have been like for this man to lead by example, to appeal to people's sensibilities by structuring his words and lessons in language and parables that everyone understood. He didn't talk from a lofty perch or name drop in his mission and absolute conviction to alleviate pain.

Before He walked the earth there were dozens, perhaps hundreds of gods that people paid homage to. Now if I want to speculate as to God's intent, I don't think He sent the millions who came before Christ straight to hell. Their quest to find purpose to their worship may have been crystallized in the birth of Jesus, but their admittance that there was a power greater than man has existed for all eternity.

My journey to enlightenment has always included debate and the introduction of doubt when I become too attached to a point of view. Nothing pleases me more than to philosophize with intelligent people who care as much about my questions as they do about their convictions.

Where I completely lose interest and respect is when someone drops a diatribe of Bible quotes and bases their argument entirely on a series of writers who I never got a chance to review.

The intimidation factor of their theological studies does not compare to walking in Christ's sandals.