Trish and I met here on FanStory over five years ago. We had something in common. I did a review an one of her poem's and wrote, the man she was writing about sounded a lot like my man. She wrote me a PM asking me questions about my man.

It turns out we were both involved with someone on-line. Mystery men. Someone we had never met. It did all sound so familiar. The only difference was, I had known mine slightly longer and had received many gifts from him. Trish was never that lucky. We both loved unwisely and passionately, though my lover never tried to deceive me in any way, that we could ever be more. Trish on the other hand, always kept the belief they would meet. The belief began to fade the year before her death this eighteenth of February Two-thousand-ten.

For five years, Trish and I shared ourselves at night on the phone. Many hours we spent night after night. Often we were like teenagers snickering about our desires, our secret feelings.

We shared our fears, anger, our pain. We helped each other heal and grew wiser. There was no subject off base. I have never opened up so much to another human being. The amazing part is she still loved me. She knew all my dirty little secrets and still loved me. Not only loved me, but thought I was beautiful as she expressed repetedly. She tried hard to get me to believe.

The woman was amazing in her knowledge and could quote the bible by chapter verse, always knowing the approprite verse for a given situation. It was such a great comfortat times.

We talked a lot as I said about the men in our lives. I would call her man an ass-hole when he hurt her by staying away and not writing for long periods, but she always had a ready excuse for him. Working or out of town, were the most often used ones. As I said, until about a year ago, when she was diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time. She fought the first round of cancer four years earlier, finishing treatment with radiation, just before we met. It was a rare form of cancer a deadly one as it turned out. This time she had surgery and eventually chemo.

In the last year, Trish had a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. SHE REFUSED CHEMO AT THAT TIME BECAUSE HER RESEARCH LED HER TO BELIEVE IT WAS NON- EFFECTIVE WITH HER TYPE OF CANCER. She went on an extreme supplimental regimen, had Reiki, meditation and any method she thought would help. For many months it was promising.

Toward the end months she agreed finally to chemo when it seemed to become necessary to try it. At the beginning of this February they gave her an experimental drug. She became confused and didn't always know where she was, or why. She was taken to the hospital for the last time, a week and a half ago. It is believed the medicine caused the mental effect. As a last attempt to reduce swelling in her brain and regain her recognition, they again gave radiation treatments a few days before her passing.

Her man still popped up from time to time to offer encouragement. Gradually his appearance became farther and farther apart until it was gone. Trish was in a fight for her life, so she had to eventually redirect her energies. There were times I thought I would loose her early on and other times I feared she wanted to give up, but she was a fighter. There were times of such joy and hope. Neither of us gave up believing she would make it. Her faith was so strong. Trish told the doctors the first time around when there predictions were dire, "God numbers our days, not doctors."

At the end of April two-thousand-nine I had surgery on my foot. As Tricia's fight became more intense and other things cropped up in our lives our talks becane less and less often towards the fall. I had gotten into the habit of letting Trish call me, when she felt like talking or had the energy.

I was out of town for a couple of weeks in October and we talked once during that time. Then of course the holidays were upon us. I wanted so much many times to visit Trish, but something was always getting in the way. The last time I asked she said maybe after the holidays. Trish had lost most of her hair by then and a lot of weight. Sometimes I think she didn't want me to see her like that for our first meeting.

It wasn't vanity. She wated to spare me pain. Over the years Trish would call me just to hear my voice. Strangely, somehow, she said it gave her comfort. Whem my daughter was dying she waited to hear from me. I know now how hard that was for her. There were times I just couldn't talk with anyone about what was happening. I gave Trish the same respect. I know we were still connected. She shared with me, that at times she felt me giving her love and sending her strength, which I did on a regular basis.

I wait now to hear from her after her death, as I feel I will. I still feel her presence and expect I always will. She was such a large part of my life and claimed a huge chunk of my heart.

As for our men, well, Trish and I both felt blessed they brought us together. My man is long gone though not forgotten. The greatest gifts I received from him were not the material ones. Trish's man was like a puff of smoke, yet he was very real and gave her the feeling of being beautiful and loved once more. What more could we ask for.