Oops. Something went wrong. Actually, everything went wrong - almost.

I put on the sexy teddy I’d bought especially for today, made of red and white lace, with a fluffy little tail. I sprinkled rose petals on the bed, and placed candles from the front door through the hall and into the bedroom.

I prepared Adrian’s favourite meal, and put it in the oven. I set the table for two, with my best silverware. I then popped the cork, and placed the bubbly on the table.

I look around, pleased with my efforts. I stand before the mirror and see a tall sexy blond looking back at me. I dab on some subtle perfume; I’m ready for an intimate evening with the love of my life.

As I light the candles, I hear a car pull up. I quickly switch off all lights, and unlock the front door.

Through the stained glass panel, I see him reach for the door handle. Pulling open the door, I say, “Happy Valentine’s Day,” in my sexiest voice.

“Why, thank you,” says a stranger, looking me up and down appreciatively. “I guess this wasn’t meant for me?” He grins from ear to ear.
 
I blush and stumble backwards, incoherently apologising.


“No apologies necessary,” he says, smirking.


“Who are you?” I ask, still blushing.


“Actually, I’ve come to the wrong address, sorry.”

Now I want to wipe that smirk off his face. I move forward to close the door, but trip over one of the candles, landing on my butt. I angrily shut the door with my foot. As I get up, I feel a hot sensation. A flame shoots up; my tail’s on fire!

I swipe at the flame with my hands, screaming. The front door opens again, and Adrian walks in. He takes one look at me, runs to the living room, comes back carrying the bottle of bubbly, and empties the contents over my butt.

He then picks me up, carries me to the bathroom, and drops me in the bath, running cold water over my blistering skin.

“Honey, what happened, are you okay?” he asks, concern on his face.

I start crying, not only from the pain, but the ruined plans. He takes my hand. “It’ll be alright, I’ll ring the doctor.”

The doctor dresses my burns, and prescribes some pain killers, all the while trying to keep a straight face.
 
After he leaves, I remember the dinner. When Adrian opens the oven, smoke billows out. He pulls the black mess out, and takes it outside.

“I’m sorry,” I sob, “This was supposed to be ---.” I stop, as Adrian gets down on one knee, and holds up a diamond ring.

“Honey, I love you so much. Will you be my wife?”

I cry again; this time with joy. “Oh yes,” I sob, none too sexy, wrapped in my towelling robe.

He holds me close, then kisses me passionately. Nothing else matters, this is the best Valentine’s Day ever.