Abba, can you please read this letter to my pastor? Please bless him as he shepherds. I don't know how to reach him anymore.

Dear Pastor D:

I don't know where you are preaching now, or if you retired, but I wanted you to know how much you were appreciated.

When my husband and I went to your church we were trying for round two in our marriage. He was unfaithful, and divorced me. Our children were one and three.

The pastor told me "just don't sign the divorce papers" and he will come around.
His mom called and warned me if I did not sign the papers they were going to sue me and take my older son. I signed.

I was determined to win him back, and spent the next seven years following him around. Literally. From Chicago to Abilene, California to Uvalde, Iowa to New York, working a number of 6 month jobs nursing. Then he wanted me to come to Manaus where he was living. I sold my car for a ticket and flew to Brazil. Then back to NY to pick up the kids and off to Florida to visit my parents. From there I took a summer job as a nurse in a camp in the Poconos. My ex then bought an old van and we moved to San Jose. Finally I had enough and took the kids, escaping to Oregon.

I told the story of the girl who killed her pet crow in an attempt to be accepted. It was an illustration from one of your sermons. I realized then I had a hole in my soul and I was losing myself. I did not know how to love myself and I didn't feel worthy of being loved. Not even by God, and certainly not by my husband.

I will tell other stories from your sermons.

Carry your own back pack and follow Jesus. I was staggering around under other people's burdens. I needed to let go, and let God.

Quit digging up the dead man. I lived under a cloud of shame and needed to walk in the light not looking back.

Feed my sheep. The day you confessed you had no words to speak from the pulpit, do you remember? Soft music played. People stood up and read short passages or gave testimonies. Then, as sometimes happened, a man stood in the back speaking in tongues. God gave me the interpretation. You paused, read out loud the passages about interpretation. I was too terrified to stand and speak, and to this day I remember how I felt denying the Holy Spirit's voice. "FEED MY SHEEP". I was the lost lamb Jesus rescued. I hope you still have the picture of Jesus looking for His lamb on your wall somewhere.

I remember when God revealed to you our marriage was in trouble. Also sitting in your office while my husband told the story of my adultery. I disappeared inside myself and couldn't speak.
You followed the Bible guidelines: confronted the parties one on one, then together if they refused to listen. I left the church. Later, at a BBQ you cornered me and heard my story.

You advised divorce. Three letters were sent out to the church with varying levels of facts to shut down the gossip. My husband's mom sued you. You had to go before the other pastors in town and present our case. I am so sorry you lost your job.

After my husband attempted to exorcize my demon of adultery and had his hands on my throat, I left. I went to the women's crisis center where they directed me to court to get a restraining order. I was late, the judge had finished with restraining order things. He was doing criminal court. I had filled out what I could on the form, but it asked about physical abuse and I left most of it blank. It was the first time I have been in a courtroom. I sat until all the criminal cases were addressed, then he picked up my paper and frowned as there was little information on it. He politely asked why I came. I stood and told him the story. Utter deafening silence. Talk about shame. Then he said something about "Spiritual abuse", stamped the papers, and told me to get the kids from school. He asked if I wanted the house? The house? Of course, I needed a place to live.

I picked up both kids from school and went into hiding. I didn't tell them much, what could I say?
I don't know how you reached me by phone but thank you. You told me the judge made a mistake and I needed to get to the court. You did not explain, but your urgency was unmistakable. Something about "being served this morning".

Once again, I rushed to the court. The same judge was doing criminal court cases. The wrong box had been marked and I did not have the house or custody of the kids. Again, I sat down in the back. He spotted me, and asked; "Why are you here?" He picked up the papers, became pale, and dismissed everyone for a recess. He came personally down to where I sat, and apologized. He told me "get to the Dallas courthouse as fast as you can".

My Knight offered to drive. We sped to the courthouse with the amended paperwork knowing time was short. On the way back, Knight had a flat and pulled off on a farm road to unload the cans from the trunk and change the tire. We both saw my husband's truck pass on the way to the Dallas courthouse, but he didn't see us.

I have since realized that God's love is enough. He loves divorcees, but hates the pain divorce causes his children. His plan for me is perfect, and I don't need to do life by myself, indeed I have proven over and over I can't. He has restored the years the locusts have eaten and given me abundantly above all I can ask or think. His loving mercy is everlasting. I am forever grateful.

Thank you Pastor D. for assisting in the rescue of this lost lamb.

With all my heart,

Esther