General Fiction posted May 12, 2024

This work has reached the exceptional level
as told by Morris

Pistol Packin' Psychoanalyst

Hello. I’d like to introduce myself.

Oh, you’ve heard my words many times, but never really got to know me.

I’m the Omniscient Narrator. The Storyteller.

Morris is my name. Morris The Explainer, to my many writing friends.

Today, I have a short tale to tell, but it’s a rather complicated one, so I’m stepping away from the dividing wall and taking a bit more active role in the storytelling, so as not to confuse you.

The story begins in Fort Sumner, New Mexico. The year 1881. Half past midnight.

You all know its hero, a man of several names, but you know him best as Billy The Kid.

Let me remind you, his one-time friend, Pat Garrett, was out to get him.

Billy made the one mistake of getting hungry at night. Now, I like to have some peanuts or crackers by my bedside, but Billy didn’t have that luxury.

Seeking to cut off a slice of beef, Billy walked into a darkened room. Hearing the footfalls of a stranger, Billy asked "¿Quién es? ¿Quién es?". For those who do not comprehend the Spanish language, this meant, “Who is it? Who is it?”

Pat Garrett’s bullets sounded the answer.

At that point, most believe that Billy dissolved into History.

Well, Billy did dissolve, but into a time portal and guess where he ended up?

Well, before I go into detail, we must shift our scene to the University of Vienna, same year. Sigmund Freud was a Doctor of Medicine at the University of Vienna.

Now, this Freud was formulating some mighty peculiar ideas centering around free association, transference, and redefining sexuality.

As Dr. Freud was about to make his appearance in History, he rather dissolved, into the opposite end of Billy’s time portal.

This is where the confusion may set in. Let me explain.

The two bodies remained the same, but Freud’s brain was now in control of Billy’s body, and Billy’s brain, such as it was, in Freud’s body.

Think of it as Siggy The Kid and Billy Freud. Got it?

Back to New Mexico.

As the bullets whizzed just past Siggy The Kid, he thought on his theories of self preservation: “A quite specially important part is played by the undeniable opposition between the instincts which subserve sexuality, the attainment of sexual pleasure, and those other instincts, which have as their aim the self-preservation of the individual—the ego instincts. All the organic instincts that operate in our mind may be classified as “hunger” or “love”

As he stood by the hanging beef carcass, Siggy realized hunger was at this moment’s root cause, cut off a slice, and invited Pat Garrett inside.

At the same time, in Vienn, Billy Freud fell asleep and dreamed of his domineering mom who abandoned him.

Back to Siggy.

He offered Pat Garrett a slice of meat and began to question him.

“Tell, me Mr. Garrett, why do you hound me so?”

“Well, Billy, ya did escape from jail and kill two guards.”

“What you don’t understand, Mr. Garrett, is that, as humans, we are guided by two opposing forces: The Life Instinct, which I refer to as Eros, and the Death Instinct, or Thanatos. These guide and direct all human behavior.”

“Say what?”

“Both instincts are in a constant and dynamic state of tension.”

“Say, kid, what’s all those big words mean, anyhoo?”

“What I’m saying is, Eros helps promote survival, reproduction, and social cooperation.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Simply put, Life exists for survival, pleasure, and reproduction.”


“And those gentlemen, they tried to separate me from those urges, so I extinguished them.”

“Where’d ya learn those big words, Billy? I ain’t never heard ya say things like that before.”

“Maybe ya never took time to listen, Mr. Garrett. Have some more beef?”

“Naw, thanks. I gotta take some time to chew on those big words of yours.”

“I’ll tell you what. Why don’t we both get some sleep and when we wake, you tell me about your dreams, and we’ll start the whole shebang over”

“Okay. All this listenin’ is tiring me out, anyhoo.”

-Still with me, gang? Here’s where we pull the old boomerngarooney. While Pat Garrett and Siggy The Kid get some shut-eye, Billy Freud has just woke, and is seeing a rather difficult patient of Dr. Freud.

Billy still doesn’t comprehend what has occurred to him, but his mind is now thinking some rather strange thoughts.

Somehow, Billy Freud knew he was about to have a visitor, and had some vague recollections of why he was coming.

”Well, here I am, Dr. Freud, said the sixteen year old. “Hey! What’s up? Today you seem…younger in appearance…more lively!”

“Course, I’m lively. Life is a hoot! I don’t want to miss any moment of it!”

“You know, that sounds like what I was trying to tell you just the other day!”

Billy Freud seemed to know the young man was named Aaron.

“Well, Aaron, the beginning’s always the best place to begin. Can we go over our previous conversation?”

“Well, Dr. Freud, it’s my family. Especially that sister of mine. They want me to be a barber. That’s a sissy profession! I want to be a man of acclaim!”

“Now, Aaron, is it possible you’re transferring hostile thoughts of your mother to your sister?”

“All I know is every time I see her, I want to strangle her, stab her…”

“It’s good, my friend, that you realize and are releasing those emotions. Do you remember what I told you yesterday?”

Yes, you told me I had an Octopus complex.”

“That’s Oedipus,”, said Billy, not understanding how he pulled that word from the air. “I believe you are suffering from feelings of repressed sexuality.”

“What can I do about it, Doc?”

“Forget all these aggressions towards the women in your life. Go home. Apologize but don’t be ashamed for those feelings. They are inherent in all men…Or something…” responded Billy Freud.

“Then, my treatments are over!”

“Yes, Aaron, and don’t let any man or woman ever block your hopes. Go after them aggressively. Channel them into the areas that are of importance to you! That’ll be ten pesos.”

The teen, Aaron went home. He took Billy Freud’s words to heart. He was more determined than ever to go out in the world and make his mark, no matter how!

Now that that’s settled, let’ get back to the matter of Siggy the Kid and Pat Garrett.

Following a night of beef and dreams, the two faced each other once more.

Billy said, “Mr. Garrett, have you given any thought to my words and suggestions?”

“That I did,” answered Pat. “And I think you’re joshing me. Makin’ up them ten-dollar words ‘n plantin’ ideas in my head. I’m a’ gonna git you, just like I started out to do!”

At that moment, the time portal suddenly whizzed Billy The Kid and Sigmund Freud back to their respective time periods, once more both minds in the correct bodies.

Billy decided self-preservation was more important than feeding his stomach, so he tried to evade Pat’s bullet, but one found its mark.

Back in Vienna, Dr. Freud…well, you know what became of him.

And, what of young Aaron?

Well, he relocated all the way to Whitechapel, in the East End of London, finally giving in to those urges that he always wanted to manifest.

Oh, yes, one more thing. He also tried to murder his sister.

Let no one say Morris let you down! As an extra added service, free of charge, here are some brief remarks about young Aaron:

Aaron Kosminski (born Aron Mordke Kozmiski; 11 September 1865 – 24 March 1919) was a Polish barber, hairdresser, and suspect in the Jack the Ripper case.

Kosminski was a Jew who emigrated from Congress Poland to England in the 1880s. He worked as a hairdresser in Whitechapel in the East End of London, where a series of murders ascribed to an unidentified person nicknamed "Jack the Ripper" were committed in 1888. From 1891, Kosminski was institutionalised after he threatened his sister with a knife. 

Double-Blind Challenge contest entry
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In this contest, this my assignment:

Take a typical western hero - cowboy - and thrust him into another genre altogether. Science fiction / fantasy / period romance / whatever you decide but he must be out of place and perhaps time. It can be something of your own devising or another well know story.
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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