Another Rabbit, Allen, and Roy adventure.

Saturday is finally here, and at noon, Shock Theater has a Science Fiction double: It Came From Outer Space and Earth Versus The Flying Saucers. In both, aliens will invade the Earth, and Baron Blood, the host, will lead the charge. 

To me, Baron Blood looks like our weekend weatherman without the gray wig, monster makeup, and cheap tuxedo. I love the show, even though it seems like the set would collapse if somebody sneezed hard. You can see the camera's shadows in every shot, and the blood they use is really ketchup oozing down his chin.

Mom said Allen and Roy could come over to watch if I finished the yard, vacuumed the floors, and washed the dishes. We could even make some popcorn without making a mess. "Well, Rabbit, you've got a busy morning ahead of you."

The housework is the easiest of the three tasks, but getting the yard cut is a struggle. At first, I couldn't get the mower started, but it finally did. The grass is still wet in the muggy, eighty-degree morning. I'm soaked with sweat when I finish at ten thirty. There's just enough time to clean up. Allen and Roy don't care what I smell like.

I turn on channel 22 just in time to see the end of wrestling. "Wild" Bull Curry is screaming about killing his next opponent. That old man is fun to watch. He'll do anything in the ring to win.

Suddenly, two people are knocking on the screen door. Allen asks, "Is it okay to come in, Rabbit?"

"Yeah, I've done all of my chores. We'll make popcorn after the first movie."

They fly through the door, around the kitchen table, and straight to the extra pillows on the floor. This house might not have much food, but we have enough pillows to stock an orphanage. 

The creepy theme music begins, and Baron Blood rises from his coffin among the fake fog. His mouth looks like he ate a hot dog loaded with ketchup.

Roy asks, "Can I borrow your bathroom, Rabbit?"

"Sure, but raise the lid."

Allen is next, asking, "Do you have anything to drink?"

"There's grape Koolaid in the fridge and a bowl of ice in the freezer. Please don't make a mess."

The Baron is telling his opening joke while closing his creaky coffin. He almost turns too fast, causing his wig to move, and quickly adjusts it. Now, a shadow covers his face while introducing the first movie. 

I holler, "Come on, Roy, you'll miss the opening credits."

"I had to poop."

"Great, you're going to stink up the whole house. Couldn't you do that at home?"

"I didn't have to until I got here." Roy flushes and comes out the door with his shorts hitched up. He sits beside me and says, "You don't smell that great, Rabbit."

"I just finished mowing the yard. I'll take a bath later." Roy and Allen scoot their pillows away from me with a sour look. "Oh, funny. Coming from two people who haven't combed their hair since school let out."

Allen answers, "There's no need to."

"What if you meet a gorgeous brunette on the way home?"

"Then, Rabbit, I'll lick my palm and flatten my hair, then be my cool, sophisticated self in a minute. Then pimp on by with my smile, shining."

Roy and I crack up, and I say, "And this is how hard she'll be laughing. Girls like guys who make them laugh, though."

The first movie begins with Richard Carlson kissing Barbara Rush. Roy speaks up, "I sure wish I were him. That Barbara Rush is beautiful."

Carlson and Rush step out on his patio to check the stars through his telescope, and that's when the meteor or spaceship blazes across the sky and then crashes into the Earth, creating a massive crater. 

"Well," I crawl off my pillow. "I've got to pee. Do you want anything?"

Roy looks up and says, "I'd love some Kool-Aid."

"Great, it's in the fridge. Don't make a mess."

Allen smirks, "Funny, Rabbit, hilarious."

"I thought so." Then, head for the bathroom.

When I got back, Johnny (Carlson) had found the spaceship, only to have the aliens cause a landslide to hide the ship. He barely makes it out of the crater alive and leaps into Ellen's (Rush) arms.

Roy states, "I think she's prettier than Marilyn."

Allen says, "And you're an idiot, Roy. Marilyn Monroe is the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Nope. Marilyn is too fat."

"They are called 'curves,' Roy. And she's got some beauties."

The argument abruptly ends when Roy asks, "You got anything to eat, Rabbit? I didn't get any breakfast."

"All we have is peanut butter and jelly."

"That sounds great, Rabbit. Would you make me one?"

Allen adds, "Uh, yeah, uh. Can I have one?"

"When did I start raising you two? Oh, look, the aliens are taking control of the townspeople. See that white fuzzy stuff wrapping around them."

Roy asks, "Are they killing them, Rabbit?"

"I don't think so, but I don't remember the end of the movie. All right, two P, B, and J's."

Allen smiles, "What about those chips on top of the fridge?"

"Those are Mom's! If you touch them, she'll be digging three graves in the backyard."

"Okay," they both answer.

I return to the movie when Johnny goes to the cave to talk to the ugly aliens. Roy and Allen see the aliens for the first time. Roy adds, "Uh! They sure are ugly."

I answer, "Well, they're just a big brain with an eye poking out. We'd be heinous to them."

Allen says, "I'll have you know that two girls said I was cute yesterday."

"Yeah," Roy says. "It was the Murphy twins. They think every boy is cute."

"But they said I was adorable."

I can't let this go. "Oh, yes, Allen. You're gorgeous!" I grab him in a headlock and start rubbing his head. He can't get up fast enough.

All three of us lean a little closer to the TV when the angry mob arrives at the cave to kill the evil aliens. Johnny runs into the cave to free the hostages. They barely make it out to stop the mob and give the aliens enough time to fix their ship - the orb-like craft blasts out of the crater. 

"Good movie." I chime in. "So, only two aliens died, and no humans."

"That's the body count I got," Allen answers.

"Is it popcorn time, Rabbit?" Roy says, "I'm starving!"

"Can I at least watch Baron Blood kiss his plastic bat?"

"Why, sure, Rabbit." Roy smiles. "It's your house."

The second movie's narrator begins his part by saying, "Since Biblical times, man has wondered about the possibilities of visitors from another world." The popcorn starts popping while the butter melts in a small pan. I hear him continue talking about strange things seen in the sky. A flying saucer flies by a plane, scaring the passengers. Flying saucers have been spotted worldwide in Spain, South America, Europe, and the Soviet Union.

The second pan starts to pop. I've buttered and salted the first batch, and now it's time for a taste test, "Delicious."

When I finally sit back down with three bowls full of popcorn, the announcer says, "Will our weapons have any effect in the battle of..." Roy, Allen, and I jump in, yelling, "Earth versus The Flying Saucers!"

Roy is gulping his popcorn when I say, "Go easy on the popcorn. I'm not making anymore."

"But it's so good, Rabbit."

The movie opens with Hugh Marlow and Joan Taylor in their car on their way to launch a satellite into space, followed by a UFO. The saucer sound fills the car and is recorded on his tape player. They nearly wreck, avoiding the craft, and then it disappears into the sky.

I have to ask this, "I suppose you two will start arguing about Joan Taylor now?"

Roy answers, "No, she doesn't do it for me. But she is pretty."

"How can you guys rate women only on their beauty? What about how smart they are?"

"Who cares about that? Brains don't matter. I want a gorgeous girl with a great body!" Allen smiles and lies back on his pillow.

"Good luck with that, Allen. I wish you all the best."

The banter continues for the next hour while the aliens prepare to invade the Earth. They blow up Project Skyhook and then capture a general. The terror continues as the evil enemy uses our sun to inflict damage on the planet. 

But Russell and Carol Marvin (Hugh Marlow and Joan Taylor) come to the rescue with the idea of a sound projector that will knock the alien's ship out of the air. 

When the aliens begin to invade Washington, DC, all three of us draw closer to the nineteen-inch screen of our old Dumount TV. Suddenly, Russell Marvin and the Army of trucks with sound guns mounted on the beds arrive in town. The first saucer falling takes out the Washinton Monument. Roy, Allen, and I all moan and grab our chests, hollering, "Oh!" We throw ourselves back on the floor.

The next one dives into the reflecting pool and explodes. Alien saucers take out one of our trucks. The radio blasts, "Calling all trucks, saucers have landed at the Capitol building, the House of Representatives, and the Congress."

The sound trucks arrive, blasting saucers out of the sky. We roll all over the floor, groaning, as each saucer hits a building—first the Pentagon, then the Congress, and the White House, with one in the columns and the other in the Rotunda.

The All-Clear finally sounds. Washington lies almost destroyed, but we turned alien invaders away. Allen says, "Whew, it was a close one, Rabbit. But the world is saved for another day."

"And Joan Taylor gets kissed on the beach while sporting a nice bathing suit. I think it's the tenth time we've watched this movie?"

"At least," Allen answers. 

Roy asks, "What time does your Mom get home?"

"In about thirty minutes."

"Well," Allen says. "It's been fun, but we got to go."

Roy adds, "That should give you enough time to clean this mess up."

"What about next Saturday at your house, Roy? Since you have a TV in your bedroom. Baron Blood just said it's going to be a Godzilla double-feature."

"Ooh, I'll ask Mom. Can you bring the popcorn?"

"Of course."

Allen says, "Sounds great. See you tomorrow, Rabbit!" They fly away as fast as they came.

~

It's well past midnight when I hear the rolling rumble of thunder heading toward our yellow house from the south. I should get up and close the window but drift back to sleep. Nature quickly interrupted my slumber with a blast of thunder so loud it shook the house. Torrents of rain belted against the window while I shut it.

Suddenly, I can see Grandpa's workshop three houses away. A massive lightning bolt strikes the backyard - splinters of light dash out in every direction. The sound bounces me away from the window and rattles the entire house down to the foundation.

Now, I can hear the heavy wind pushing the storm northward, and slowly, I peep out the window to see if any aliens have landed. Nothing moves, but I can hear Mom snoring hard. "That woman can sleep through anything."

Looking for any sign of movement, I whisper, "I'm staying at my post for the rest of the night."

~

Waking on the floor, I wonder how I got down here. Then, a flood of memories fills my mind, and I quickly dress. The sun breaks on the horizon when I step into the backyard.

Mom likes to sleep late on Sundays, so I don't have to worry about her. On the ground, I find a scorched circle about four feet wide in the grass. "Wow, something was here last night."

That's when I hear Grandpa rattling his keys to the shed, and the door creaks open.

"I've got to show this to somebody," and take off running.

Ten minutes later, I drag Grandpa into the backyard and announce the alien invasion. "Well, let's see your evidence, Michael."

We stop in front of the scorched grass, and I say, "Here it is."

"Wow!" Grandpa adjusts his Reds ballcap. "I'd say you had something visit. That must have been a giant lightning bolt."

"I was closing my window, and it knocked me backward when it hit."

"If it had been closer, Michael, that lightning would have burned down the house. I'll bet Gloria didn't wake up."

"She never stopped snoring." We both chuckle. "I can't wait to tell Allen and Roy."

Grandpa slowly stands and readjusts his bibs, saying, "Tell them it was the aliens and have a little fun."

"Yes, sir!"