General Fiction posted February 17, 2024

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Guy goes to Walmart for some ink.

Attention Shoppers

by Gunner Lil

The author has placed a warning on this post for language.

"You'll never believe what happened at Walmart," Tony said.
 He placed a small bag on the kitchen table.
"Why did you go there in the first place?" Judy asked. "You hate that place
since they bullied K-Mart out of business."
"I just ran in for some ink for my printer."
"So what's the never believe stuff?"
"Well, I'm in the stationery section and I hear this voice over the public address system
saying, attention shoppers, but then it gets distorted."
"Okay, what's the big deal?" Judy asked leaning on the kitchen counter.
"Well everyone looks around to see where this voice is coming from. One guy told
me he shops there all the time and today was the first time he'd heard anyone on the P. A.
"Come to think of it I never had," Judy said. "I'm always in there as you know."
"Yeah, I do know," Tony said. "You want to hear the rest of what happened?"
"Yes, dear."
"So I'm looking around for the ink and the same voice comes on again. This time louder
and sounding pitiful, almost like whoever is going to cry. I witness a few of the floor managers running
around to find where this guy is. I started to laugh because they looked confused and  it looked like a
disorganized fire drill."
"Then what?"
"I find what I need and this woman grabs my arm and points to the back of the store. I couldn't believe 
what I saw." Tony began to laugh so hard he sat down on a kitchen chair holding his gut as tears rolled
down his face.
"Okay stop, damn it," Judy said. "What's so funny?"
Tony caught his breath as he pointed at the kitchen wall and said, "There on the back wall 
was a  spinning, flashing blue light. It was so bright you couldn't miss the damn thing.
Then the best part was the voice," Tony got up from the chair  and with a stern and professional
voice said, "Attention K-Mart shoppers our next Blue Light special is in the toy department all Hot Wheels are fifty percent off for the next hour." He looked at his wife.
"Blue light special? Now that is funny."
"Yeah, but get this," Tony said. "The store gets locked down, the cops come and find the mystery voice
owner hiding in the rafters holding a bull horn."
"Oh my god. For real? Was he drunk?"
"Guess who it was?" Tony asked.
"I can't guess. Just tell me, I need to start supper."
"It was James Mason, you know, the K-Mart store manager who lost his job because of  Walmart."
"Wow. Did he get arrested?
"I don't think so. I think they took him to get evaluated."
"That's good," Judy said. "You want peas or green beans with dinner?"

Attention Walmart Shoppers... contest entry


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