Highway to Independence

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The driver coming fast along the little stretch of country highway to Independence had many things on his mind. He was at a turning point in his life, a complicated turn that had compelled him into a relationship in which a married man with three small children should not be involved. Earlier that evening, he had left a young woman standing at her apartment door in Salem. He caught one last glimpse of her in his mirror as he drove away, then turned his car southward.

As he made his way home, the reality of his other life crept back with each passing mile. It was a road he had driven many times, but as the passion faded, his infidelity increasingly troubled his conscience. He knew this road well. Every twist and turn brought him back to his family. The familiar line of telephone poles that rose and passed by his windshield had always served as comforting guideposts showing him the way. But now, they turned into wagging fingers of shame, accusingly pointing at him and announcing his guilt to all as they receded into the darkness. He recognized that he had crossed a line, a boundary that could jeopardize everything he had worked for, putting his entire family at risk. Still, the doubts that arose within him could not erase his overwhelming desire for the young woman who had entered his life. Interspersed with his feelings of guilt, her face, voice, and touch flooded back, and when they did, everything else seemed to melt away.

These conflicts churned within him, sending his emotions back and forth, lifting him up and crashing him down as he weighed one against the other. But as he drew closer to Independence, he knew his wife, waiting ahead, must never learn of these secrets. She must never know about the woman in Salem. As he processed these events in his mind, he didn't notice how much faster he was going. He saw the dip approaching; he knew it was there but had forgotten its danger. He was going far too fast! The big, heavy car launched into the air, landed hard on its suspension, bounced on its side, and skidded down the highway in a heap of screeching metal, coming to rest in a water-filled ditch. Now, everything was quiet. Ice-cold water soon seeped in, surrounding his body as he lay crushed in the wreckage. Then, darkness.

Arianna Stanford had no interest in a farmer's life. She had seen her mother grow old, broken down, and bitter after her father died too young. The endless backbreaking chores, the long days spent on that small Oregon farm, and clinging to a fading dream were not the path Arianna wanted to take. She would not choose that road.

After graduating from high school, Arianna earned a two-year degree from a business school and then found a job as a cashier at a grocery store in nearby Independence. She planned to use this as a springboard for a bookkeeping position in Salem. For now, she was renting a small one-room apartment in Independence, and her future was on track.

For any local dating, she would first form a career and then bring a man into her life. For attractive, tall twenty-year-old Arianna Fairfield, meeting the boys while out with friends dancing—and that's what they were, 'boys'—was of no interest to her. She wanted to meet an established, mature man, not just some guy looking to culminate a date in the back seat of a car.

So it was intriguing when she noticed the well-dressed older man who frequently visited the market in the evenings during her shift. He was thoughtful in his mannerisms and spoke with an interesting, sophisticated accent, definitely not native to the farm valley. She assumed he was an educated businessman working in nearby Salem. He was everything the stock boy, who leered at her whenever she bent over to pick up a box of apples, definitely was not. Whenever this man came by, he greeted everyone and was engaging—a true gentleman. Arianna overheard one of the girls mention his name: Miles. She hoped Miles would come to the store more often.

Sure enough, one day, he bought some groceries at Arianna's counter and said to her, "Hello, Miss. Are you new here?"

"Oh no, this is just my first time at the cashier's desk. I'm moving up in the world," Arianna joked.

"Well, that's why I haven't seen you. My name's Miles. Good luck to you," he glanced at her name tag, "Arianna." He tipped his hat to her, smiled, picked up his sack, and left. Arianna watched him walk away, telling herself she would look for a man just like him.

As time went on, whenever Miles stopped by, he would often chat with her at the counter. He was engaging and intriguing, full of worldly conversation. Arianna began to feel she wanted to know this man better. Then, one day, out of the blue, Miles asked if she would like to meet him for coffee after work. She was a bit taken aback, but this was a dream opportunity, and she agreed.

Later, after her shift was over, Arianna went outside, and there stood Miles with two coffees in his hands. "Thought I would get these first," he said. "Then we can enjoy them sitting over in the park."

Arianna was a bit surprised, but it was a nice gesture. They walked into the park and found a bench in a quiet spot beneath the tall shade trees. Arianna's heart raced with excitement; his presence was both thrilling and nerve-wracking. As they talked, she could tell he was well-educated. He mentioned that he worked as a stockbroker. Arianna hung on his every word, trying not to appear too wide-eyed. When he asked about her future, she gathered her thoughts and tried to respond thoughtfully.

"I was a girl from the farm," she told him, "but I have higher expectations. My late father was a respected, educated man who had married into farming. My mother's family traces their roots all the way back to the Oregon Trail. But I wanted to move to the city when I got older. It seemed more exciting to me. My job here at the market is just a starting point for that."

They continued talking, and in those moments, as he spoke, she became emotionally infatuated with him, a feeling she had never felt before. When they stood up to leave, he asked if he could see her again. She agreed.

Arianna's mind raced for the rest of the afternoon. She could hardly think about anything except this perfect day. After work, she decided to visit her Aunt May, who lived alone in her cottage just outside the little town. On the drive over, she began noticing things she hadn't perceived in a long time: the sweet, heavy aroma of gardenias lining the road, the yellow daffodils glimmering among the green fields of rye. She took in everything that touched her senses. Before, they were just ordinary objects, but now everything felt magical.

When she arrived at May's country cottage, they sat beneath the trellis in her backyard garden. Arianna was eager to share the news about the new man in her life and see May's reaction. However, as she recounted the story, it quickly became clear that she knew little about him beyond his appearance and mannerisms. 

May listened closely to Arianna's story and finally said, "Ari, have you told your mother yet? She's been an invalid out there on that old farm, and aside from a hired caretaker, all she has left is you."

"No, it's still too soon. I want to get to know this man better before I tell her."

That's a good idea," May said, "never buy a horse till you look 'em in the mouth." They both laughed.

As Arianna drove back to town, she realized other things were nagging at her. Why didn't he want to go to the coffee shop? Why so little about himself other than his interest in her? But she wiped these things away. Miles wanted to see her again. That was all that mattered.

As time passed and after several meet-ups with Miles, Arianna needed to learn more about him, but no one in the store knew him well. He only paid in cash, and she didn't even know his last name. Arianna wanted to see more of him, not just sit in the park for casual meet-ups. The town had a popular dance hall that people of all ages loved to visit. So, during their next meet-up, Arianna would never forget Miles's reaction when she asked if they could go on a proper date. He just sat there, and his normal, calm, smiling demeanor shifted to one that worried her.

"I have been doing some hard thinking," Arianna," he said. "What you say now has also troubled me. Please give me a bit of time to decide my thoughts. Can you wait a while longer?"

"Yes, Miles, I can wait, but when we meet again, please give me your final decision. That's all I ask."

A few days went by, and Arianna began to feel that she had scared him off. But finally, one day after her work was almost over, he came by and asked her for a walk to the park, and he would explain everything. So, they ventured over to that little park bench, and Miles finally stated his position. "I have realized that I had to make a decision," he said. "I had put that feeling away to long. Now, I must be honest with you, Ari." His voice now firm but sincere, "I have fallen in love with you."

Arianna was completely taken by surprise. Until now, their meetings had been casual, but suddenly, things were escalating. He pulled her close and kissed her fully on the mouth. Next, he took her hand and said something even more unbelievable. "Will you meet me tomorrow night somewhere private?" he asked. "There are so many things I want to tell you, and then, I want to make love to you."

Arianna felt her heart rush to her throat. He had said nothing about his life yet; now he was spilling his feelings out to her and talking of physical sex! In Arianna's mind, she was still a young girl. After the shock of his last statement sunk in, she tried to form her following words carefully.

"Miles, I have strong feelings for you, too, but I'm terrified. I don't know how to move forward from here. I've lived a very "unphysical' life." She couldn't bring herself to say the word virginal. It felt too juvenile. "I need to learn more about you."

"I understand," he said. "I want to apologize for not sharing my background with you sooner. I feared I might lose you before we even started. So now, I’ll tell you more about myself before we move forward."

"Tell me," Arianna said, her heart racing.

"I am married with three children."

Arianna was gob-smacked. She didn't know what to do, what to say. She sat silent as he went on.

My wife, Cathleen, and I have led a strict Catholic marriage. Our lives are based on strong church doctrine. We were very young and naive when we married. We care for each other, of course, but there is no deep emotional love between us, only the duty to raise our children.

Arianna felt a mix of excitement and anger. What should she do now? What should she say? Should she jump up, curse the man, and leave him sitting on the bench? If her mother were present, she would have kicked him in the groin. She needed to think. Finally, she found the words to express her feelings.

"Miles, I must be honest with you. Her throat was so dry that it was difficult to express her thoughts. I appreciate you telling me this before we get too involved. I think I'm falling for you, too. So yes, I will meet you tomorrow at my apartment if that works for you. But I have one condition: I can’t handle a one-night fling. You must promise me now that we have a future together.

Miles pulled her close and held her tightly. "Yes, that's what I want as well. You will complete my empty life, and I promise you now that I will never leave your side."

As Arianna walked back to the store, she felt a mix of excitement and fear. Events had placed her life on an unimaginable path. She found herself involved with a married man, but there was no turning back now. She couldn’t walk away.

In the following weeks, Arianna soon entered a passion-driven romance with Miles, but it was indeed a very unusual bond. Nobody, not even Aunt May, her closest confidant, knew that she and Miles were even acquainted, much less lovers. Miles had stopped coming by the store. Instead, once a week, unseen and late in the evening, Arianna would let a man into her little apartment in town. He would quietly enter and shut the door.

As time passed in Arianna's new life, one day, a letter arrived for her in the mailbox, proving to be a game changer. It was a response to a job application she had submitted to a small accounting firm in Salem. Arianna quickly tore it open and read the contents. She had been accepted as an entry-level office worker at their Salem office. Her two-year accounting course after high school had finally paid off. Moreover, she could now meet Miles in Salem without the risk of being seen together in the small town of Independence.

That evening, when she met Miles, he was equally excited. "I know of some nice furnished apartment rentals in Salem," he said. "Their rent fits within your new salary range, so now we can spend more time together."

Living in Salem had become the fulfillment of Arianna's fantasies, a realm of downtown shopping and parties with sophisticated, worldly people. Most importantly, it brought her closer to the man of her dreams. However, that aspect of her life had to remain discreet. She couldn't even mention his name, and he couldn't visit her during the day. No one must see them together.
 

As time passed, it became evident to both lovers that their relationship could not continue indefinitely, and they discussed this often. Miles assured Arianna that he could arrange a divorce with his wife, but it would require considerable time. Additionally, his children were his greatest concern. He needed to support them through their early school years, so their uncertain relationship needed to persist.

Nonetheless, the couple maintained their secret life. They met on designated days, and their romance quickly evolved into a long-term affair. Arianna's world settled into a fixed routine, a clandestine, risky routine, but she felt she had no other choice. She accepted it, and they continued with their arrangement.

It was a busy Wednesday morning for Arianna. She was hurrying about, trying to ready herself for the morning walk to her office. She thought of Miles's long kiss goodbye last night. She put on a coffee, but there was little time for breakfast this late. Then came a plopping sound of the newspaper flung on her porch. The local newspaper boy always delivered it that way. It would hit, and she would open the door to retrieve it.

The wind was cold outside, and the sky was blustery. Arianna quickly grabbed the paper, shut the door, and unfolded it. On the front page was a photo of a smashed car in a ditch—it looked familiar! Fear rose in Arianna's throat as she read the headline.

Local man killed in an auto accident ten miles north of Independence. Miles Harrison, a well-known Salem businessman, lost control of his car while traveling homeward from Salem. He died at the scene. He leaves behind a wife and three children who reside in the city of Independence.


May hadn't heard from Arianna in quite some time for some reason. She always called on weekends. Often, Arianna would drive out to visit her, eager to talk about how happy she was living in Salem. But there had been no communication from her at all. She hadn't answered her phone or returned any calls. It was unusual but not overly concerning. May figured her niece was busy adjusting to the new challenges in Salem. However, after two weeks, with no word, she decided to drive to Salem to visit. She found Arianna's small apartment downtown, parked, and knocked on her door.

May could hear shuffling noises inside the apartment. Finally, after about two minutes, the door opened, but a chain lock held it back. Peeking through the opening, Arianna's face appeared. She saw May, opened the door, and let her in.

Immediately, May realized that something was wrong. Arianna's face looked gaunt and pale, and her normally tidy apartment was in disarray. Although Arianna tried to be friendly, it was clearly a struggle for her. It was evident that she was having a difficult time. They sat in silence for a while. Arianna seemed on the verge of tears, but she maintained her composure. Finally, after a spell of awkward silence, Arianna looked up, her eyes glistening with tears.

"I'm pregnant!" she blurted out. "And the father is unavailable."

May sat in silence, afraid to ask the obvious: "Let her get it out." But Arianna remained silent. Pregnancy had misgivings for a single woman in Salem's crowd, but Arianna acted as if in a state of mourning. May now knew she had to ask, "Can you say anything about the father?"

"I cannot discuss it!" Arianna quickly shot back. "I cannot reveal who he is. All I can say is he is gone, and I am alone."

They sat silent for an agonizing time, then Arianna suddenly spilled it all out. 

"When he left me, I cried for him for days. I haven’t worked," she said, raising her voice in a trembling tone. "Then, just recently, I took my home pregnancy test, and it showed that I was pregnant! Now I'm an adulteress with an illegitimate child, and the father is gone. I'll be scorned. People will talk, and what about my friends, my mother?" Arianna lowered her voice, tears welling up again in her eyes. "My job is in jeopardy. Everything is lost."

May now felt she should press her as much as possible. "Listen, Ari. The father of your child must take his share of the responsibility," her voice was as sincere as she could make it. If you can't say who he is, at least confront him privately. Tell him you will keep his name secret, just you and him. But you need his help."

Arianna nodded her head as if in agreement, but there was something she couldn't say, something she was hiding—more silence.

May decided this was all she could do for now. Her niece was in obvious anguish, but she had only one more question. "Your mother," May asked her. Can I at least tell her?" She searched Arianna for an answer. "Is that okay?"

Arianna looked up. "No! No one must know about this."

May said no more. She told Arianna it was best she should go home now, but if Arianna called, she would be back by her side. She kissed her niece goodbye and left her at the door.

The small apartment had become Arianna's entire world, and the feelings of horror from the morning she read that dreadful newspaper headline were still etched in her mind. Surely they didn't mean her, Miles? That couldn't be his wrecked car in that blurry picture. Miles was alive and vibrant when he left her that evening. He waved to her as he drove out of the parking lot. He was fine. No! That couldn’t be him. She wanted to call someone to explain about Miles's death, but who? She needed to share with someone why she was crying. Who? Not her mother, not May.

Then came the notice of Miles' funeral, and those terrible, dreadful words were repeated: killed, deceased, words of death. She could not attend the funeral or see his casket and gravesite. She was someone who must never, ever exist in Miles's world.

And finally, as if God were especially angry with her, several days before May arrived, she began to experience breast pains and morning nausea. A home test revealed that she was pregnant. It was the ultimate irony—a slap in the face from the Joker. Had she sinned so deeply that God had chosen her as an example? These were the wild thoughts racing through her mind. There was no clear path for her, only more despair.  

A few days later, Arianna finally gained enough strength to call May back. The two set up a meeting, and soon, May was back at her side. They began discussing their next plan.

"How can I deal with this pregnancy?" She asked May. "I can't raise a child unaided, there would be no father to support me, and the office would shun me, I will be an adulteress."

"How do you know this Arrianna?"

"There was a girl working at another office, who got pregnant and they fired her. I cannot survive that."

As they talked, May could see Arianna had made her decision. "Okay, honey," she said, "I will help you to make the arrangements."

Beneath the steel bridge in the ship's harbor, near the docks in Portland, sat a gray, dreary concrete building that appeared foreboding to Arianna. It certainly did not resemble a hospital or any place that could be considered healthy for patients. As she entered the back door and walked down the dimly lit corridor, their footsteps echoed loudly off the grimy walls, intensifying the ominous atmosphere. At the end stood a steel door without any name or number.

May checked the address she had written down. "I guess this is it," she said softly to Arianna. She knocked, and the heavy door creaked open. A rather unseemly-looking man peeked out. He opened the door, and they went inside, then he quickly slammed the door shut.

"Did you bring the money?" he asked somewhat abruptly. "It better be cash!"

The man was wearing a gritty, filthy shop apron tied at the back.

"Yes, two hundred dollars," Arianna replied.

"Take off your clothes and lie on that table." He demanded, pointing over to the corner.

Arianna looked at a steel bench without a mattress, just a filthy sheet over it. Next to it was a porcelain basin containing a large, sharp-looking device that resembled ice tongs.

"Are you a doctor?" Arianna stammered, shaking so much she could hardly speak.

"I'm a registered nurse," he answered, a bit put off. "You want this done or not?"

Arianna hesitated. This did not look good—a chamber of horrors! She stepped back in terror. "I need time to talk to my friend," she replied, looking at May.

"Make it quick," he snapped back. "You're wasting my time."

Arianna pulled May aside, her voice quivering. "I'm scared to death!" she whispered. "This isn't good. Let's get out of here."

May agreed. The whole scenario was right out of a nightmare. She turned and walked over to the man. "Open the goddamn door," May demanded. "We've changed our minds. Open it now!"

On the freeway back to Salem, Arianna was experiencing various emotions, crying deeply in and out of profound distress. Poor May was trying to console her. "Honey, you need not go this route. Please reconsider."

As they drove on, the closer Arianna got to Salem, the more she felt closer to Miles. It was his child also, she told herself. It was a part of Miles he had left her. The more Arianna thought about that, the more it eased her pain. Finally, she turned to May and told her she wanted to go through with the pregnancy. "Yes, I can see that now. How could I destroy this part of me?" she said. "It is the right thing to do."

As they pulled up in front of her apartment, Arianna realized she had resigned herself to the scorn of adultery. She turned to May and said, "I guess I better buy a blouse and sew a big, fat letter "A" on it."

"No," May replied. "Put the name of your child on that sweater and wear it proudly."

Arianna smiled, leaned over, kissed May on the cheek, then got out of the car.

It was another day of sitting at the kitchen table for Arianna, up early with little sleep, nothing now to ponder, no plan forward, no other road to take except the given path. Miles was gone. She was pregnant and in danger of losing her job. Her money was running out, and her medical leave was ending. But there is a happy ending here; she will soon have Miles's baby to cherish. How could she have ever thought of an abortion? She must put her life back together now.

Then, a plop came on the porch. It was the morning paper delivery. She hesitated for a second; it had been the sound of death. Then she realized it was also the sound of life. Miles' child was now her future. She stood, went to the door, and opened it. Outside was the morning news on top of the stack of abandoned papers. She grabbed it and quickly went back inside the apartment.

The news contained nothing but happenings she cared little about now; she was too distressed to worry about the outside world's difficulties. As she was ready to throw it away, she saw a notice of Miles's funeral at the bottom of the local society section. Arianna froze. It was her last chance to say goodbye to Miles.

The gathering of cars around Salem's Saint Joseph's Catholic Church was large. Arianna proceeded through the crowded parking area. The Fairview family was a well-known name in Salem, and everyone was there. The funeral had been delayed for some time. Miles's family was large and spread all over most of the eastern US, many from the old country in Europe.

She found a spot around the back and parked. It was a safer place away from the others. Her life with Miles must remain unknown. She entered through the tall front entrance and found a seat near the back of the massive open nave. She sat with other lesser-known family and friends to the side. But soon, Arianna now felt even more depressed. All these prayers and eulogies were too overwhelming. All she was interested in was Miles. The front was too crowded, so she decided to come back later, with fewer people around.

Arianna strolled through the outer rooms of the massive church. As she walked along the hallway, she noticed a recess with an altar set aside for private prayer. Arianna entered and stood beneath a large stained-glass window. Brilliant sunlight streamed through the intricate colored glass, casting streaks of color and illuminating the marble floor. She thought of Miles; he must have visited this beautiful setting many times and admired it. She stood transfixed by the enchanting scene. Then, she noticed a man standing below the tall window, his back to her. He turned... 

Oh my God! It's MILES!

Arianna reeled, collapsing forward as she fought to stay upright. The room spun like a surreal merry-go-round. Suddenly, the man's hand came down and grabbed her arm! 

"Are you okay, Miss?" the voice said. Let me help you stand up."

Arianna took his hand, an actual hand! Somehow, she managed to get back to her feet and stand. "Miles?" she exclaimed.

"Oh God, no!" The man said. "My name is Henry. Miles was my identical twin brother!"

Arianna tried to mask her shock and embarrassment. She struggled to steady herself, shaking her head. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't know Miles had a twin."

"Oh, that's okay," he smiled. "You're just one of the many startled people I've encountered today."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know about you. I wasn't that close to your family."

"No problem. Actually, I'm not, either. I have my own separate life. But how did you know Miles?"

"A, we were just acquaintances. Miles was... a person I knew from work."

"Well, my apologies, miss, for scaring you. Are you leaving the Church now? I assume you stopped at this altar to offer up a prayer."

"Oh, no, I'm not a Catholic. I was attracted to the beauty of the light through the rectory."

"Yes, it is a beautiful church, isn't it? However, I'm the same as you. I'm not a devout follower, either. I'm here only for Miles's funeral."

Arianna had to keep from staring. It was as if Miles had risen from the dead and was now standing before her!

"My name is Arianna," she told him. My friends call me Ari. It was very nice to meet you, Henry. Sorry for my silly reaction, but I probably should return home." Arianna hated the little lie, but she felt it best to leave.

"It's been a pleasure to meet you too, Ari," he said, "but wait, I was going to leave myself." He turned to the chair near the table and retrieved what looked to be two handheld walking canes. "Just give me a second."

Arianna was surprised. It appeared Henry had a disability. "Do you need some help, Henry?"

"Nah, I'm pretty efficient with these things," he said with a wry smile. "I contracted type 2 diabetes some years ago, so putting weight on my legs is painful. These walking sticks help a bit."

 "Okay, let's get out of here," Arianna said, smiling.

When the two reached their cars in the parking lot, Arianna held Henry's canes so he could bring out his keys for the door. When he turned to retrieve the canes, he paused. "Ari," he asked, "would you care to stop for a coffee somewhere? I don't have a lot of connections here. It would be nice to have someone to talk to."

A hundred reasons told Arianna to say no! But she fought back those thoughts. "A... Ok, Henry, I would love to. I know a little place not far. You can follow me there."

Henry took the two canes, his face brightening. "Perfect," he said, "I'll follow you."

As Arianna watched his car pull up behind her in the mirror, her sudden meeting agreement sank home. It was as if a mysterious force had risen and rushed through her body, releasing her anguish. She felt a reprieve from her overwhelming sorrow since Miles's death. Had she abandoned Miles? No. She almost said it out loud. Henry is Miles's twin brother. He would approve of their meeting. He would grant her this little respite.

When they reached the coffee shop, the two new acquaintances found a table in a private corner area near a window.

"Thank you so much for meeting me here, Ari," Henry said. I'm afraid I have little knowledge of Oregon, even though I've lived in New England most of my life. How about you? Do you live here in Salem?"

"Oh yes, I moved here from a small town, not far away, and found work in an accounting firm with help from..." she hesitated, a close friend."

"How interesting!" Henry replied, "My brother Miles started in accounting, too, but I went self-employed. I'm a freelance news writer. 

Arianna couldn't help but feel she was talking to Miles. His voice, mannerisms, and visual presence were as if Miles was sitting across from her! It was hard to keep from saying something personal meant for her ex-lover. She refocused her mind and got back to the moment. "That's interesting," she added. "I always assumed Identical twins would have some identical traits."

"No, in fact, other than looks, Miles and I were different in many ways. Miles was analytical—great for math, but he couldn't fathom anything I did. So we were similar but not the same." He laughed at his last statement.

"Henry, when I was down in the Nave area for the casket viewing, with all your family, while you were upstairs. Were you called away on something?"

Henry tried to frame his answer carefully. "No, I'm afraid I've had a falling out with my family. After our father died, my mother wanted me to work in his retail business, but neither my brother nor I was interested. We had our reasons. My mother's strict religious beliefs dominated our lives. I was an agnostic, and there was many an argument over that. Also, she would not approve of any marriage unless it were in the confines of the Church, I couldn't go that route, but Miles did, albeit reluctantly. As for me, I went my own way, and as a result, I was ostracized from the family will."

"What of your disability? Surely she helped you in caring for that?"

"Oh yes, she provided care for my condition, and I was grateful, but she still kept me outside of family doings. So today is the first time we've all been together for years."

Arianna noticed he had no wedding ring, "Did you come here alone?"

"Yes, there's nobody else in my life. I've never married. It just wasn't in the cards."

Arianna knew she shouldn't pry, but she had to ask. "Why, what happened?"

Henry put his hand to his forehead, reflected a bit, and then brought his hand back down, just like Miles used to do, Arianna thought.

"I don't know." He said. "This disease certainly didn't help. I'm not the life of the party like Miles. I've had a few relationships, but somehow, they never materialized. I never met the right person, or I wasn't right for them. The one thing I miss, though, is having children. Miles had three wonderful kids. I would have given anything to have just one."

This was a heartbreaking statement for Arianna, and she felt uneasy. Here she was, sitting with Miles's fourth child in her womb. "Had you and Miles kept in touch?"

"Oh, very little. He had his life; I had mine back east."

"How do you think his family will get through this loss?"

"Oh, he was loved by his children and talked about them often, but I think he spent too much time at his job. He and Cathleen were busy in their careers, she was always involved in her parish, and Miles was a bit of a workaholic. How about you?" Henry was now asking her the big question. "How did you know, Miles?"

"A...I knew him a few years before I moved to Salem. He used to stop by the grocery store where I worked. We were casual friends. So when I heard about his tragic accident, I decided to attend today's service.

"I'm so glad you did, Ari, I don't know anybody here, and it's nice to have someone to talk to. But enough about me, tell me about your life?"

"Um, a close friend helped me find work at a Salem accounting firm about a year ago. I'm originally from a small town about 35 miles south of here. My father and mother ran a family farm after they married. Then, sadly, Dad died in an automobile accident soon after I was born, so I never knew him. My Mother found herself running the farm all by herself." Arriana's father's death flashed in her mind--he was killed not far from where Henry died. 

"It's clear you have a clear direction in yourlife," Miles said."You mentioned that a close friend helped you find work here. Are you involved with someone? I hope I'm not being too intrusive."

Arianna hesitated. "A, no, not at all. I recently had a strong relationship with someone, but now that's gone I, I must start a new life now."

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Please forgive my asking."

"No offense."

As they talked, Arianna noticed the coffee shop was getting crowded, and the waitress was giving them the, "are you done yet? "look. "How about we take a walk, Henry?" she asked. It's a beautiful day—a perfect time to stroll through the historic old town of Salem, kind of like your place in Salem, New England."

As the two people set off down the street, Henry reflected on how it was similar to Salem, Massachusetts. "Yes, Ariana what a beautiful city this is, so quaint and unique. I noticed as we drove here that this whole city area seems to be preserved as if we were back in time."

"That's a good description, Henry. Yes, that is what the city planners set out to do. You mentioned you are an writer. What does that entail?"

"Well, mostly for retail clients or magazines needing local human interest stories, that sort of thing."

"Sounds interesting. You must get to visit a lot of places for stories?"

"When I first started, Ari, yes. But now I'm working more in my apartment. Everything's going in the computer direction now."

Ahead, a walkway appeared, leading through the trees to a bright red, historic flour mill. The water cascaded from the large turning mill blades, splashing into the water. "So peaceful and inviting," Arianna said. "This old mill is my favorite place for lunch sometimes."

"You work near here?"

"Well, it's a bit of a walk, but it's a good way to get away sometimes."

They neared the railing overlooking the brook flowing down and away from the old mill. The big turning paddle wheel creaked and groaned as the water pushed it along. "Thank you so much for bringing me here, Ari," Henry said. "This is so nice."

Arianna paused to think. "Yes, this place is a lifesaver for me sometimes."

"Ari, you mentioned having a difficult relationship. As a young woman, what are your thoughts for your future now? I hope you don't mind my asking."

"Henry, I..." Arianna struggled to frame her answer. She liked this man, but she had much to hide from him. "I was in a very private affair with a man, but some things happened that I cannot talk about, but I am working on getting past it now."

"Please tell me to shut up if I go too far, Aria, but I like you, and I want to get to know you better."

"I would like to know you better too, Henry, but I just need time." Arianna didn't know if she meant those words.

"Of course, I understand that." Suddenly, Henry's wristwatch started buzzing. "Uh oh, I'll need to get back. They're shooting the family photos soon. Mother doesn't want me in it, but she has no choice." He smiled. "It's her fault; she had twins."

"That'll be her keepsake, Henry. Maybe she will look at them and soften her views?"

"What a good thought, Ari. I'll remember that."

Arianna knew she must ask the next question. "Are you going back east soon?"

"Yes, there will be a few more family functions, but I'm not close to any of these people. That's why it's been so good to meet you."

"It's been very nice to meet you also, Henry."

Henry's face brightened. As the couple reached their cars in the parking lot, he dug into his coat pocket and jotted a number on his personal card. Then he handed it to her, "I'm free all day tomorrow," he said. Then I have to fly back on Monday, and I don't know when I can return, so there is something I want to tell you." Arianna sensed a meaning in Henry's voice that was truly honest.

"Arianna, I've been with you for only a short time now, but I knew the second I saw you I wanted to know you better. I've had no one else in my life for years. I hope you are not offended by my forwardness, but I had to tell you my thoughts before I leave for New England. Will you meet with me tomorrow and have dinner? Maybe talk about some future we could have. I know this is abrupt, but I wanted to give you time to think about it. You can reach me at this number."

Adrianna hesitated, then took his card. "I, a...will use this time to consider it, Henry."

"Thank you, Arianna. You can call me anytime before I leave on Monday, but don't worry—if you don't, I will understand."

Arianna's emotions were on a whirling carnival ride on her drive home. Just this morning, she was in deep mourning for Miles's death. Now, she was suddenly involved with another man, and Miles wasn't even in the ground yet. What had just happened? Had she somehow replaced her love for Miles with a substitute, a replica, a doppelganger? Arianna steered her car to the roadside, braked to a stop, and turned the motor off.

She sat in silence, running this incredible happening through her troubled brain. She could not turn away her deep love for her dead lover. She was carrying his child. Should she call Henry or stay with Miles and continue her life without him?

Arianna sat for several minutes more, replaying this decision over and over in her mind. Although Henry's presence was brief, she would have liked Henry if she had never known Miles. What now would be her decision? Henry was leaving soon. Arianna started the car, pulled back into the parkway, and drove slowly home.

It was Saturday morning. Arianna's bedside alarm went on, but she was at the kitchen table when it sounded. She ran into her bedroom, turned it off, and then returned to the table, staring at the door.

Now, her mind was filled with Miles again. But Miles would not be here tonight or ever! Arianna sat there trying to fathom that. She would never hold him again, never kiss him goodbye. That vision of Miles driving away would not leave her. What if she had run out to Miles's car that morning and delayed him? Changed his leaving time so his departure would prevent him from crashing into that other car! She would go on with Miles and never even meet Henry. No, there is no solitude in fantasies. It happened.

A plopping sound came from outside; it was the morning paper. Arianna's heart sank. She had ignored the newspapers piling up on her porch because they brought back that horrid morning when she saw that photo! This apartment had been her life with Miles; she had never known any other man but him. Who was this Henry? He can't replace Miles. Nobody can! She took out Henry's card and held it in her hand. If she called him now, they could meet and order dinner. They could talk about future plans. Arianna shook her mind clear. No! That brought an outsider here, a man she didn’t even know until today! How could she replace Miles with a lookalike? She must not allow this stranger into Miles's special place.

Arianna picked up Henry's card, went to the sink, opened the counter door, tore Henry's card into pieces, and threw it in the trash.
Now, she set about cleaning her apartment. She would rebuild her life with Miles's memory intact.

Arianna's phone rang around noon. The apartment was almost clean now; she set down her mop and answered the phone. It was May. "How are you doing, Arianna? " May asked. "I've been worried sick about you. Has the person responsible for your problem shown up yet?"

"No, May, I know he won't. But it's not important now anyway. I've excepted him being gone." Arianna wondered if her statement was true.

"Well, then there's a government agency that can help you out with financial support. So you can apply for that."

"May, thank you for your help. I'll take a look at their support."

"Please do, Honey. How are you doing now? I've been worried sick about you. I'm the only one who knows your predicament, and if you should need any help, please call me, I love you, you, know that. Remember this, you have a beautiful life ahead of you with your new child. Enjoy that life, Arianna. It's yours. But also make room in your life for another partner if that should arise. Your child will need that."

"I will, May, and I love you too."

After Arianna put her phone down, May's words brought her back to reality. She burst into tears. May was the only person in the world now who knew her pain. 

Arianna spent a good hour sitting at that table before she told herself to get back to work. One task remaining was cleaning up her front porch, which had over two weeks' worth of newspapers piled on it. She unfolded a cardboard box, opened the front door, and began tossing the papers into it. She noticed that one was today's paper. On an inside page was the obituary photo of the Harrison family that Henry had gone to pose for. With his canes, Henry stood off to the side of the group, looking alone and abandoned. Arianna grabbed the page and held it close to her heart.

She sped to the kitchen, opened the door under the sink, and rummaged through the trash container. Unfortunately, the pieces of Henry's card were difficult to retrieve. The paper had been torn, obliterating some of the numbers. She pieced them together as best she could, but one of the numbers was barely readable.

Arianna picked up her phone and tapped out the numbers, guessing the sequence. Although she was never religious, she prayed, "Please, God, be the right numbers."

The ringing sound began. She waited, and then a man's voice answered.

"Hello, Arianna, this is Henry." 

Arianna looked upward and mouthed a thank you to the heavens. "Henry, I'm really sorry, but I can’t meet you for dinner tonight. I recently lost someone very dear to me, and he is still in my heart. I would like to see you again, but I need some time first. Then, maybe we can start a proper relationship. For now, let’s keep our friendship and stay close."

There was silence on the other end, then... "Of course, Ari. I understand. I don't want to put any pressure on you. Please know that I will always be here for you. I know it's been only one meetup, but I like you very much. Please stay in touch." 

"I will, Henry. That's a promise."

Henry quietly hung up.

Two years later, an announcement appeared in the Salem Daily News:

Arianna Sandford of Salem, Oregon, and Henry Harrison of Salem, Massachusetts, have announced their wedding here in the city to family and friends. Their wedding will be held by invitation in the Park near the historic Old Flour Mill.