General Non-Fiction posted January 19, 2022


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Remembering a life well lived

Japanese restaurant

by HarambeForPresident




I don't understand why anyone would want to eat me. To each their own. Maybe it's the misconception from my name that I am mischievous.

The author's father is at a fancy Japanese restaurant in Japan with his vice president of engineering. All they ever wanted was to go to Wendy's and eat the $1 apple pie special. That's where they will be sneaking out to later tonight. But right now they have to impress a new customer.

As an appetizer, they get sushi. This is their first time doing sushi. Sushi is cool. But their business trip was such a success that their customer has special treats planned.

After the warm-up, they move on to aborted baby squid. Who doesn't want to eat an abortion? The author's father doesn't. But this is an important moment with honor on the line. His vice president just gagged on the 3 feet of slime, and is out for the count. So the author's father takes the baby squid in chopsticks, spinning them around like a turbo top to coil the tentacles and slime like a pile of spaghetti. He pops it in his mouth, swallows while locking his nasal passages, smiles, and says "Good!"

And now he must face me, the most expensive item on the menu.

Yesterday, I had a wild night out on the town. First I skewered a beautiful bunch of brown algae. For my main course I intercepted a hunk of rotting tuna. Then I poked a passing lobster in the anus for a chocolate surprise.

I wrapped my binge session this morning with some unidentifiable fungus on the ocean floor, before finding my way into a fishing net around 4am. I enjoyed a refreshing ceremonial wash, exposed my genitals to the chef, and waited.

To the uninitiated, fresh sea urchin gonads have the appearance and texture of a beautiful, perfect formed, enticing turd. In my afterlife, recalling the look on his face makes it all worth it.



Pop goes the Weasel writing prompt entry
Writing Prompt
For one day, you will embody whatever animal you ate last (in real life). You will then off yourself in a manner intended to create the most interesting dining experience for the person who consumes you. Tell us how it goes.


This is a true story.

Image provided free from Pixabay.
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