| General Fiction posted December 7, 2021 | Chapters: |
3 4 -5- 6... 
|
  |
It is what it is.
A chapter in the book Concertina
A Word Ignored.
by Yardier
| Background Lee Morason is a Vietnam veteran with the aftereffects of combat clouding his view of life. He avoids the symptoms and denies he is heading to a psychological and spiritual break down. |
Relieved his thought or dream or vision was now gone from his mind, Lee felt comfortable for the first time in a long time to sit and listen.
Brother Archer spoke carefully, "Evil is synonymous with sin. However, this is difficult to understand; evil is not a thing or entity as we commonly define it. While evil is a non-thing, it is also evidence of rebellion against God's will."
Lee scrunched his face trying to understand. "God's will?"
"Yes, God has placed a standard before humanity that guides us toward Him. It is His will for humanity to become liberated from spiritual death."
Brother Archer noticed the confusion on Lee's face and spoke more clearly, "Plainly put, anything, act or thought, against God's will is rebellion and that act of rebellion is called sin and, the product of sin is… no-thing… or, as in Biblical terms, death. When humanity observes the 'non-thing' or 'death,' they deny it is the evidence of sin and instead redefine it as evil. However, regardless of the name humanity has given sin, they still cannot avoid being shocked and horrified by evidence of the non-thing."
Lee leaned forward with memories of his nightmares swirling in his head and asked, "If evil is nothing, why is it so threatening… so terrifying?"
"Because humans want to be something… be somebody and, when they encounter the non-thing behind their desires, they become aware they are mortal. They come to understand that the non-thing is lulling them into the illusion that it doesn't exist when, in fact, it does.
"A thing that doesn't exist but does?" Lee scratched his head.
"Yes, humans are terrified of becoming inconsequential, a non-thing." Brother Archer paused. "And it's their worst fear."
Lee wondered if death was the end of life and an empty darkness where a person no longer existed in any form, why was everybody afraid to die? They'd have no thoughts, feelings, or memories. It would be over just like a burnt-out light bulb.
"Consider this comparison, Lee; A father gave his daughter, a bride to be, a hand-sewn wedding gown made with the finest silk and satin, stitched together with silver and gold threads, and highlighted with rare pearls. There is no other like it. Then, one day before her wedding, she opens her closet to admire the wedding gown and discovers a six-inch hole had been cut from the middle of the gown where her heart would be."
Lee took a breath as he considered the bride's shock.
"It is gone," Brother Archer said. "The beauty, time, effort, and evidence of a father's love have been destroyed. A hole in the middle has mutated a gown as beautiful as a stary night. Yet, that hole consists of absolutely nothing."
"Something caused that hole," Lee said while struggling to smother a reemerging thought and image of the first Viet Cong he killed.
"You're right. That hole is the evidence of a determined act performed by an entity that can make that choice."
"Something that can destroy beauty." Lee paused as the image of the dying Viet Cong slipped back into a dark cloud in his mind. But then, he quickly added, "and innocence."
"Well, not true innocence but what appears to be innocent." Brother Archer carefully corrected while considering Lee may have just revealed a split personality or that another Lee existed and struggled to dominate the other.
"Babies are innocent. They haven't done anything wrong." Lee rationalized.
"Yet." Brother Archer once again corrected Lee.
"What… what could a baby purposefully do wrong?"
"It's not what a baby can do. It's what a baby is."
Lee protested, "Come on, Brother Archer, babies are born innocent. Surely you know that."
"Yes and no. They are born innocent of willful disobedience to God but are also born fallen."
"What do you mean, fallen?" Lee asked.
"Only one person has been born innocent in this world; His name is Jesus Christ. And, except for Adam and Eve's initial perfect creation, the rest of humanity has been born fallen.
"Fallen from what?" Lee looked up at the ceiling.
Brother Archer also looked up at the ceiling but with a quick prayer in his head, then said, "Stripped of our original glory and God's Spirit. Because of Adam's sin, we now stand naked before God, seeking not Him but ourselves. At a point known only to God, a baby developing into a child will exert its will against God's will. The baby will grow, desiring to be its own god. It is inevitable."
"Here we go, Original Sin, right?" Lee shook his head with skepticism while remembering his sister-in-law's attempts to get him saved.
"Correct but considering your initial question regarding evil being an entity, perhaps you should look at 'Original Sin' as 'Original Absence.'"
"Absence of what?" Lee asked.
Brother Archer looked at Lee with compassion. "Original Perfection of man and earthly creation."
"If God is perfect and everything He does is perfect, then when He created man and all of creation perfect, it stands to reason all of that should still be perfect, right?" Lee asked as he sat back in his chair. Smug, he remembered how he had diffused his sister-in-law's preaching attempts so many years earlier.
"Yep, if God created robots, but He didn't," Brother Archer retorted. "He created man with Free Will, Perfect Free Will, to love Him or not, to obey Him or not, to live with Him for all of eternity or not."
"So, I'm forced to love Him."
"No, you are not forced to do anything. You have the Free Will to choose or not to choose," Brother Archer said.
"Some choice," Lee said while vaguely remembering something he once believed as he patrolled the rivers of Vietnam about being unable to not choose. "In other words, I can choose with the option not to choose."
"Right."
"Isn't not choosing a choice?" Lee asked with reborn jungle wisdom.
Brother Archer smiled at Lee's confidence and basic logic. "Well, He did create you and has given you this option. Don't you think the Creator should have some say in His creation?"
"Ya, I guess… if you believe God created us, but what about evolution?"
Brother Archer became impatient. "Come on, Lee, you're the one having nightmares and wondering if evil is an entity. Do you really think the force of evil in your dreams evolved from swamp gas?"
Chagrined, Lee sat back in his chair. "Your right. It doesn't make much sense but, that evil force in my dreams is so terrible and threatening, sometimes I feel like I'm going to die."
"Are you afraid to die?"
"I don't think about it much when I'm awake, but when I dream… yes, I'm terrified that I'm going to fall into an endless pit of darkness and death."
"Would you like to be assured that would never take place?"
"You mean become religious?" Lee cocked his head.
"No… accept the gift of eternal life with Jesus Christ," Brother Archer said.
"What are you talking about… become a holy roller… a Jesus freak?" Lee pushed his cold mug of coffee away.
Brother Archer stood and picked up Lee's mug. "No. Remember what I told you about fallen humanity?"
"Yes."
Brother Archer walked over to the sink and emptied Lee's mug. "Well, Jesus Christ has provided redemption for all of fallen humanity and offers eternal life with Him in Heaven. It's a gift, and all you must do is understand you are a sinner and believe Jesus Christ died on the Cross on your, and all of humanity's, behalf to pay for those sins.
"Believe Jesus died for me…?"
"Yes, and believe He rose from the dead three days later to offer you a new life and eternal glory in Heaven."
"Believe?"
"Yes, and you will be saved."
Lee sat there deep in thought, staring a hole into the refrigerator across the room. At first, it was a small hole about the size of the NATO 5.56 round he sprayed across riverbanks and rice paddies with reckless and sometimes gleeful abandon. He had killed many Vietnamese, some were legitimate Viet Cong, but others were poor rice farmers who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. But now, the 'Xin Loi' rationale from back in the day was losing its healing justification just as fast as Lee could slug down another beer.
Brother Archer picked up the coffee pot and waved it back and forth to get Lee's attention.
"Ya… Ya, I'll have another cup."
Suddenly, a melodic chorus of Vietnamese voices startled Lee. Xin Loi, the jokes on you, G.I.
Lee glanced around the room, but he knew the voices came from within his head. He tried to drown the voices out and nervously asked Brother Archer, "Saved from what?"
Brother Archer walked over, placed the hot mug in front of Lee, then sat across from him and said, "Hell."
Lee stared at the coffee for a moment listening, and when he didn't hear the voices, asked, "Saved from Hell… you mean going to Church will save me from going to Hell?"
"No, it's not necessary to go to church to receive Christ's gift of salvation or to become saved. Receiving Christ's gift of salvation is personal. Speak to Him, ask Him to come into your heart and soul, and rid your mind of your night terrors."
"Speak to Him?" Lee asked.
"Yes, and believe. The Bible tells us that whosoever calls upon His name will be saved. It really is that simple."
"You believe all of this?" Lee took a sip of coffee and wondered if he would have to start wearing a tie to be saved. He sat still for a moment, and when he didn't hear any more Vietnamese voices, considered wearing a tie to make sure he never heard them again.
Brother Archer chuckled. "Of course, that's why I'm a Pastor. I'm sharing the Good News from the King of kings and Lord of lords, and you, my friend, have just been served!"
Lee smiled. "So, you just served me to save me."
"Yep, pretty much." Brother Archer smiled back.
"I'll give it some thought."
"I'll be praying for you," Brother Archer said warmly.
Suddenly Lee looked solemn. "I'd like you to pray about something else too."
"Of course."
"I think I have a child." Lee took a breath.
"A child… not from your wife?" Brother Archer asked cautiously.
"Right… before I was married… when I was in Vietnam."
Surprised, Brother Archer asked, "Vietnam… you were a soldier?"
"Yes, I operated a gunboat in the Mekong… the Rung Sat."
"That was a dangerous area, Lee. You are fortunate to be alive."
"I'm grateful…" Lee paused and closed his eyes for a moment. "But bothered about some things."
"How so?"
"The dreams… nightmares, and the growing thought I left a child behind."
What does it matter, G.I., that you gave life to one after taking so many? A singular Vietnamese voice whispered in Lee's head.
"What does your wife think about this?" Brother Archer asked.
Damn voices. Lee rubbed growing sweat off his hands onto his work pants. "I haven't told her… we have enough problems as it is. I don't think she would understand."
"True, it might be best to verify you have a child first." Brother Archer thought of his father in Detroit, who did not want anything to do with him. "You say you think you have a child…."
"I don't know for sure if I do or I don't, but I had a girlfriend… Anh Li; she called herself Annie. When she told me she was pregnant, I thought it was great. I brought her money, C-rats and soap, stuff like that every chance I got. I was in the process of trying to get us registered with the Embassy when one bad day, my boat was shot out from beneath me. The next thing I knew, I was shipped back to the states. I never saw her again. I wrote to her and sent more money but never heard anything back."
"How did you meet her?" Brother Archer asked.
"She lived in a small village just outside the Navy base at Nha Be on the Saigon River."
"Outside a U.S. Navy base…?" Brother Archer raised his eyebrows.
"I know what you're thinking, but she wasn't like that…she was special… she loved me. I was going to take care of her and bring her back to the states," Lee said.
"You wanted to marry her?"
"Yes, I loved her. I didn't care she was Vietnamese. I wanted to live the rest of my life with her." Lee's eyes moistened.
"Didn't care she was Vietnamese?" Brother Archer shook his head. "How gracious of you."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that." Lee winced.
"Instead, you married a local gal, and now your marriage has grown cold, and you reminisce about your first love, which occurred in a war zone when you were what... nineteen?" Brother Archer said with a slight edge to his voice.
"The whole thing haunts me, Brother Archer, Vietnam, Annie, a child left behind. I think I should go back and try to find them. I need to stop these dreams, Brother Archer." Lee did not mention the haunting Vietnamese voices in his head. Instead, he managed to repress his emotions and bit his lip as he clutched the coffee mug tighter and asked, "Why are these images and dreams coming back now? They're so vivid."
Quit lying, The Vietnamese voices whispered. You know why we are coming back now. Images and dreams! We are as real as God almighty, and we are here to break your denial for one purpose and one purpose only: to steal your pitiful soul.
Lee wanted to mention the voices, but fear gripped his tongue.
Brother Archer became alarmed when he saw the color drain from Lee's face leaving an ashy blank stare. "Haunts you… is this haunting part of the evil force in your dreams?"
Lee suddenly jerked his head from one side to the other. "Elp. elp," he pled as he scanned the kitchen, looking for the source of the Vietnamese voices. He wondered if he had said 'Elp.' Embarrassed, his nervous gaze settled briefly on the overhead light then back to Brother Archer's concerned face.
"I don't know… maybe we should just drop it… okay?" Lee was afraid he would hear more voices and completely 'Nam-out' and collapse right in the middle of Brother Archer's Free Will kitchen. He brought the coffee mug to his face and hid behind it and thought, I didn't say elp, I didn't.
The Vietnamese voices again whispered, Nam-out? You're not going to blame your fence riding on that old trope, are you?
Brother Archer looked at Lee with concern and alarm. He saw that something dark and deep tormented Lee. Maybe Lee said 'Elp' but meant 'Help.' "Your call, my friend, but I ask you to look at the practicality of your situation. The effort required of you to find a child that, may or may not exist, might best be directed to rekindling your marriage."
Suddenly, Lee and Brother Archer were startled out of the moment's awkwardness by the sound of a pick-up truck roaring by the church. The driver honked the horn obnoxiously and yelled, "Get to work, boozer!"
Embarrassed but relieved with the interruption, Lee smiled sheepishly, put the coffee mug down, and stood cautiously with the word 'Elp' fading from his mind. "I'm sorry… one of the guys I work with. I need to get going. Thanks for the coffee and advice."
Brother Archer sensing a spiritual interruption but not quite discerning if it was good or bad, said, "No problem, Lee, anytime… that's why I’m here."
As both men stepped into the bright morning sun and experienced the abnormal blast of heat, Lee said, "Damn, this is going to be one for the record."
Troubled, Brother Archer shaded his eyes with his hand and looked beyond his orchard at a tall dead eucalyptus tree at the end of Furlong Road. "Yep, I think you're right, Lee."
Brother Archer was not thinking about the heat.
Brother Archer walked with Lee to his truck and opened the squeaky driver's door for him. Lee sat behind the steering wheel and looked past Brother Archer's concerned face to the orchard behind him. "That's quite a collection of trees you got there."
Ignoring the smell of stale beer coming from the cab, Brother Archer smiled politely as he placed his hands on the window opening. "Lee, I'm glad you stopped by today and, I want to share with you something that the Lord put on my heart this morning just before you arrived…. I believe it is intended for you."
Lee put the key into the ignition then reached over to close the door, "Okay…."
Brother Archer gently resisted Lee's effort to close the door and spoke carefully, "The Bible says, "Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect."
Don't listen to him. The Vietnamese voice in Lee's head demanded. He's got nothing to say to you. Put it in gear and get going. You'll be late for work, boozer.
Lee started the engine and stared through the cracked windshield with the words 'at an hour you do not expect' settling heavily in his heart. Then, flustered with mixed emotions, he pulled the door respectfully from Brother Archer's grasp, put the truck in gear, looked at Brother Archer, and simply said, "Goodbye, Pastor."
The Vietnamese voices in his head encouraged Lee, That's the ticket, Lee boy. Now you're on your way. Leave this religious freak in the dust.
Brother Archer stood a moment longer in the blazing morning sun and watched Lee pull onto Furlong Road and drive slowly toward the dead eucalyptus tree with the sounds of empty beer cans rattling from the truck bed.
Quietly, he thanked the Lord for Lee's unexpected visit and wiped his brow with the back of his hand. Then, feeling blessed to be used by God, he walked over to the Sorenson's peach tree, gathered the hose and shovel, and looked around for a new spot to dig. He noticed a tough, challenging section of alkaline earth near the East property line behind the 'Welcome' sign. He walked over and began chipping at the hard-baked surface as water dribbled from the hose at his feet.
Brother Archer spoke carefully, "Evil is synonymous with sin. However, this is difficult to understand; evil is not a thing or entity as we commonly define it. While evil is a non-thing, it is also evidence of rebellion against God's will."
Lee scrunched his face trying to understand. "God's will?"
"Yes, God has placed a standard before humanity that guides us toward Him. It is His will for humanity to become liberated from spiritual death."
Brother Archer noticed the confusion on Lee's face and spoke more clearly, "Plainly put, anything, act or thought, against God's will is rebellion and that act of rebellion is called sin and, the product of sin is… no-thing… or, as in Biblical terms, death. When humanity observes the 'non-thing' or 'death,' they deny it is the evidence of sin and instead redefine it as evil. However, regardless of the name humanity has given sin, they still cannot avoid being shocked and horrified by evidence of the non-thing."
Lee leaned forward with memories of his nightmares swirling in his head and asked, "If evil is nothing, why is it so threatening… so terrifying?"
"Because humans want to be something… be somebody and, when they encounter the non-thing behind their desires, they become aware they are mortal. They come to understand that the non-thing is lulling them into the illusion that it doesn't exist when, in fact, it does.
"A thing that doesn't exist but does?" Lee scratched his head.
"Yes, humans are terrified of becoming inconsequential, a non-thing." Brother Archer paused. "And it's their worst fear."
Lee wondered if death was the end of life and an empty darkness where a person no longer existed in any form, why was everybody afraid to die? They'd have no thoughts, feelings, or memories. It would be over just like a burnt-out light bulb.
"Consider this comparison, Lee; A father gave his daughter, a bride to be, a hand-sewn wedding gown made with the finest silk and satin, stitched together with silver and gold threads, and highlighted with rare pearls. There is no other like it. Then, one day before her wedding, she opens her closet to admire the wedding gown and discovers a six-inch hole had been cut from the middle of the gown where her heart would be."
Lee took a breath as he considered the bride's shock.
"It is gone," Brother Archer said. "The beauty, time, effort, and evidence of a father's love have been destroyed. A hole in the middle has mutated a gown as beautiful as a stary night. Yet, that hole consists of absolutely nothing."
"Something caused that hole," Lee said while struggling to smother a reemerging thought and image of the first Viet Cong he killed.
"You're right. That hole is the evidence of a determined act performed by an entity that can make that choice."
"Something that can destroy beauty." Lee paused as the image of the dying Viet Cong slipped back into a dark cloud in his mind. But then, he quickly added, "and innocence."
"Well, not true innocence but what appears to be innocent." Brother Archer carefully corrected while considering Lee may have just revealed a split personality or that another Lee existed and struggled to dominate the other.
"Babies are innocent. They haven't done anything wrong." Lee rationalized.
"Yet." Brother Archer once again corrected Lee.
"What… what could a baby purposefully do wrong?"
"It's not what a baby can do. It's what a baby is."
Lee protested, "Come on, Brother Archer, babies are born innocent. Surely you know that."
"Yes and no. They are born innocent of willful disobedience to God but are also born fallen."
"What do you mean, fallen?" Lee asked.
"Only one person has been born innocent in this world; His name is Jesus Christ. And, except for Adam and Eve's initial perfect creation, the rest of humanity has been born fallen.
"Fallen from what?" Lee looked up at the ceiling.
Brother Archer also looked up at the ceiling but with a quick prayer in his head, then said, "Stripped of our original glory and God's Spirit. Because of Adam's sin, we now stand naked before God, seeking not Him but ourselves. At a point known only to God, a baby developing into a child will exert its will against God's will. The baby will grow, desiring to be its own god. It is inevitable."
"Here we go, Original Sin, right?" Lee shook his head with skepticism while remembering his sister-in-law's attempts to get him saved.
"Correct but considering your initial question regarding evil being an entity, perhaps you should look at 'Original Sin' as 'Original Absence.'"
"Absence of what?" Lee asked.
Brother Archer looked at Lee with compassion. "Original Perfection of man and earthly creation."
"If God is perfect and everything He does is perfect, then when He created man and all of creation perfect, it stands to reason all of that should still be perfect, right?" Lee asked as he sat back in his chair. Smug, he remembered how he had diffused his sister-in-law's preaching attempts so many years earlier.
"Yep, if God created robots, but He didn't," Brother Archer retorted. "He created man with Free Will, Perfect Free Will, to love Him or not, to obey Him or not, to live with Him for all of eternity or not."
"So, I'm forced to love Him."
"No, you are not forced to do anything. You have the Free Will to choose or not to choose," Brother Archer said.
"Some choice," Lee said while vaguely remembering something he once believed as he patrolled the rivers of Vietnam about being unable to not choose. "In other words, I can choose with the option not to choose."
"Right."
"Isn't not choosing a choice?" Lee asked with reborn jungle wisdom.
Brother Archer smiled at Lee's confidence and basic logic. "Well, He did create you and has given you this option. Don't you think the Creator should have some say in His creation?"
"Ya, I guess… if you believe God created us, but what about evolution?"
Brother Archer became impatient. "Come on, Lee, you're the one having nightmares and wondering if evil is an entity. Do you really think the force of evil in your dreams evolved from swamp gas?"
Chagrined, Lee sat back in his chair. "Your right. It doesn't make much sense but, that evil force in my dreams is so terrible and threatening, sometimes I feel like I'm going to die."
"Are you afraid to die?"
"I don't think about it much when I'm awake, but when I dream… yes, I'm terrified that I'm going to fall into an endless pit of darkness and death."
"Would you like to be assured that would never take place?"
"You mean become religious?" Lee cocked his head.
"No… accept the gift of eternal life with Jesus Christ," Brother Archer said.
"What are you talking about… become a holy roller… a Jesus freak?" Lee pushed his cold mug of coffee away.
Brother Archer stood and picked up Lee's mug. "No. Remember what I told you about fallen humanity?"
"Yes."
Brother Archer walked over to the sink and emptied Lee's mug. "Well, Jesus Christ has provided redemption for all of fallen humanity and offers eternal life with Him in Heaven. It's a gift, and all you must do is understand you are a sinner and believe Jesus Christ died on the Cross on your, and all of humanity's, behalf to pay for those sins.
"Believe Jesus died for me…?"
"Yes, and believe He rose from the dead three days later to offer you a new life and eternal glory in Heaven."
"Believe?"
"Yes, and you will be saved."
Lee sat there deep in thought, staring a hole into the refrigerator across the room. At first, it was a small hole about the size of the NATO 5.56 round he sprayed across riverbanks and rice paddies with reckless and sometimes gleeful abandon. He had killed many Vietnamese, some were legitimate Viet Cong, but others were poor rice farmers who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. But now, the 'Xin Loi' rationale from back in the day was losing its healing justification just as fast as Lee could slug down another beer.
Brother Archer picked up the coffee pot and waved it back and forth to get Lee's attention.
"Ya… Ya, I'll have another cup."
Suddenly, a melodic chorus of Vietnamese voices startled Lee. Xin Loi, the jokes on you, G.I.
Lee glanced around the room, but he knew the voices came from within his head. He tried to drown the voices out and nervously asked Brother Archer, "Saved from what?"
Brother Archer walked over, placed the hot mug in front of Lee, then sat across from him and said, "Hell."
Lee stared at the coffee for a moment listening, and when he didn't hear the voices, asked, "Saved from Hell… you mean going to Church will save me from going to Hell?"
"No, it's not necessary to go to church to receive Christ's gift of salvation or to become saved. Receiving Christ's gift of salvation is personal. Speak to Him, ask Him to come into your heart and soul, and rid your mind of your night terrors."
"Speak to Him?" Lee asked.
"Yes, and believe. The Bible tells us that whosoever calls upon His name will be saved. It really is that simple."
"You believe all of this?" Lee took a sip of coffee and wondered if he would have to start wearing a tie to be saved. He sat still for a moment, and when he didn't hear any more Vietnamese voices, considered wearing a tie to make sure he never heard them again.
Brother Archer chuckled. "Of course, that's why I'm a Pastor. I'm sharing the Good News from the King of kings and Lord of lords, and you, my friend, have just been served!"
Lee smiled. "So, you just served me to save me."
"Yep, pretty much." Brother Archer smiled back.
"I'll give it some thought."
"I'll be praying for you," Brother Archer said warmly.
Suddenly Lee looked solemn. "I'd like you to pray about something else too."
"Of course."
"I think I have a child." Lee took a breath.
"A child… not from your wife?" Brother Archer asked cautiously.
"Right… before I was married… when I was in Vietnam."
Surprised, Brother Archer asked, "Vietnam… you were a soldier?"
"Yes, I operated a gunboat in the Mekong… the Rung Sat."
"That was a dangerous area, Lee. You are fortunate to be alive."
"I'm grateful…" Lee paused and closed his eyes for a moment. "But bothered about some things."
"How so?"
"The dreams… nightmares, and the growing thought I left a child behind."
What does it matter, G.I., that you gave life to one after taking so many? A singular Vietnamese voice whispered in Lee's head.
"What does your wife think about this?" Brother Archer asked.
Damn voices. Lee rubbed growing sweat off his hands onto his work pants. "I haven't told her… we have enough problems as it is. I don't think she would understand."
"True, it might be best to verify you have a child first." Brother Archer thought of his father in Detroit, who did not want anything to do with him. "You say you think you have a child…."
"I don't know for sure if I do or I don't, but I had a girlfriend… Anh Li; she called herself Annie. When she told me she was pregnant, I thought it was great. I brought her money, C-rats and soap, stuff like that every chance I got. I was in the process of trying to get us registered with the Embassy when one bad day, my boat was shot out from beneath me. The next thing I knew, I was shipped back to the states. I never saw her again. I wrote to her and sent more money but never heard anything back."
"How did you meet her?" Brother Archer asked.
"She lived in a small village just outside the Navy base at Nha Be on the Saigon River."
"Outside a U.S. Navy base…?" Brother Archer raised his eyebrows.
"I know what you're thinking, but she wasn't like that…she was special… she loved me. I was going to take care of her and bring her back to the states," Lee said.
"You wanted to marry her?"
"Yes, I loved her. I didn't care she was Vietnamese. I wanted to live the rest of my life with her." Lee's eyes moistened.
"Didn't care she was Vietnamese?" Brother Archer shook his head. "How gracious of you."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that." Lee winced.
"Instead, you married a local gal, and now your marriage has grown cold, and you reminisce about your first love, which occurred in a war zone when you were what... nineteen?" Brother Archer said with a slight edge to his voice.
"The whole thing haunts me, Brother Archer, Vietnam, Annie, a child left behind. I think I should go back and try to find them. I need to stop these dreams, Brother Archer." Lee did not mention the haunting Vietnamese voices in his head. Instead, he managed to repress his emotions and bit his lip as he clutched the coffee mug tighter and asked, "Why are these images and dreams coming back now? They're so vivid."
Quit lying, The Vietnamese voices whispered. You know why we are coming back now. Images and dreams! We are as real as God almighty, and we are here to break your denial for one purpose and one purpose only: to steal your pitiful soul.
Lee wanted to mention the voices, but fear gripped his tongue.
Brother Archer became alarmed when he saw the color drain from Lee's face leaving an ashy blank stare. "Haunts you… is this haunting part of the evil force in your dreams?"
Lee suddenly jerked his head from one side to the other. "Elp. elp," he pled as he scanned the kitchen, looking for the source of the Vietnamese voices. He wondered if he had said 'Elp.' Embarrassed, his nervous gaze settled briefly on the overhead light then back to Brother Archer's concerned face.
"I don't know… maybe we should just drop it… okay?" Lee was afraid he would hear more voices and completely 'Nam-out' and collapse right in the middle of Brother Archer's Free Will kitchen. He brought the coffee mug to his face and hid behind it and thought, I didn't say elp, I didn't.
The Vietnamese voices again whispered, Nam-out? You're not going to blame your fence riding on that old trope, are you?
Brother Archer looked at Lee with concern and alarm. He saw that something dark and deep tormented Lee. Maybe Lee said 'Elp' but meant 'Help.' "Your call, my friend, but I ask you to look at the practicality of your situation. The effort required of you to find a child that, may or may not exist, might best be directed to rekindling your marriage."
Suddenly, Lee and Brother Archer were startled out of the moment's awkwardness by the sound of a pick-up truck roaring by the church. The driver honked the horn obnoxiously and yelled, "Get to work, boozer!"
Embarrassed but relieved with the interruption, Lee smiled sheepishly, put the coffee mug down, and stood cautiously with the word 'Elp' fading from his mind. "I'm sorry… one of the guys I work with. I need to get going. Thanks for the coffee and advice."
Brother Archer sensing a spiritual interruption but not quite discerning if it was good or bad, said, "No problem, Lee, anytime… that's why I’m here."
As both men stepped into the bright morning sun and experienced the abnormal blast of heat, Lee said, "Damn, this is going to be one for the record."
Troubled, Brother Archer shaded his eyes with his hand and looked beyond his orchard at a tall dead eucalyptus tree at the end of Furlong Road. "Yep, I think you're right, Lee."
Brother Archer was not thinking about the heat.
Brother Archer walked with Lee to his truck and opened the squeaky driver's door for him. Lee sat behind the steering wheel and looked past Brother Archer's concerned face to the orchard behind him. "That's quite a collection of trees you got there."
Ignoring the smell of stale beer coming from the cab, Brother Archer smiled politely as he placed his hands on the window opening. "Lee, I'm glad you stopped by today and, I want to share with you something that the Lord put on my heart this morning just before you arrived…. I believe it is intended for you."
Lee put the key into the ignition then reached over to close the door, "Okay…."
Brother Archer gently resisted Lee's effort to close the door and spoke carefully, "The Bible says, "Therefore you also must be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect."
Don't listen to him. The Vietnamese voice in Lee's head demanded. He's got nothing to say to you. Put it in gear and get going. You'll be late for work, boozer.
Lee started the engine and stared through the cracked windshield with the words 'at an hour you do not expect' settling heavily in his heart. Then, flustered with mixed emotions, he pulled the door respectfully from Brother Archer's grasp, put the truck in gear, looked at Brother Archer, and simply said, "Goodbye, Pastor."
The Vietnamese voices in his head encouraged Lee, That's the ticket, Lee boy. Now you're on your way. Leave this religious freak in the dust.
Brother Archer stood a moment longer in the blazing morning sun and watched Lee pull onto Furlong Road and drive slowly toward the dead eucalyptus tree with the sounds of empty beer cans rattling from the truck bed.
Quietly, he thanked the Lord for Lee's unexpected visit and wiped his brow with the back of his hand. Then, feeling blessed to be used by God, he walked over to the Sorenson's peach tree, gathered the hose and shovel, and looked around for a new spot to dig. He noticed a tough, challenging section of alkaline earth near the East property line behind the 'Welcome' sign. He walked over and began chipping at the hard-baked surface as water dribbled from the hose at his feet.
~~~~
Xin Loi: Vietnamese idiom meaning "Sorry about that."
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. 
You need to login or register to write reviews. It's quick! We only ask four questions to new members.
© Copyright 2024. Yardier All rights reserved.
Yardier has granted FanStory.com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
