"I Can't Stop Hating Me"
Written on August 27th, 2021
By Doctor Ricky 1024
Copyright © Fanstory 2021
'All Rights Reserved'

I got a long way to run!
No matter how hard I try?
Wondering when the fun has begun?
...
I got a long way to hide!
Past events keep creeping up inside!
Wondering when I'm no longer going to cry?
...
Yes, I got a long way.
Lost my sunny day!
Not much more I can say?
Yes, a long way; to go.
...
The journeys been difficult...
Sometimes the words are hard to find?
But I keep on pressing; down as hard as I can!
But them old feelings continue to collide?
Yes, just keep creeping back up inside!
Way too much calamity!
In order to keep my insanity
...
I got this feeling you see?
That something's happening deep inside of me?
That there's this purpose?
This Master plan?
Yes, but this displeasure?
That resides in me!
...
And, I'm now going to demonstrate it each and every time!
Just follow my path...
Look deeper within my laugh?
And soon you will see...
What it's really like to be me?

****

Once Upon...
When Once Upon?
Yes, was more than just a little bit of Time in rhyme?
All I would do?
Is hide.
...
Never carried her book to class...
Never took the chance?
Never went to the high school prom!
(Let alone any dance?)
It seemed?
Yes to be!
FOR-E-VER?
I was trapped and cocooned within the shyness of me?
...
It's not that I didn't like the opposite sex.
Hey, it was just hard for me to break this Hex!
Women, kind of just scared me!
...
As a child?
Yes, I thought little girls who played with their Barbies?
Were immature and just stupid little things!
After all?
Yes, I was a man and played with my GI Joe!
(Don't you know?)
...
But when I got a little bit older and a little bit bolder?
I started to realize something was happening?
Yes, happening deep inside of me?
That maybe there's more than just meets the eye?
But still I was too shy!
...
You need to understand?
That as a very young man?
I had a plan!
I knew exactly what I wanted!
Exactly what I hunted?
Yes, that I wanted a son when my life would finally begun?
But never online wireless imaginations?
Had I dreamed?
Yes, that he would become a drummer and start his own band!
My only son.
And, I knew until that happened?
My job below would never be done!
...
But how can you achieve Creation?
Yes, when you're afraid to start a relation?
And, you won't even carry her book?
Hold her hand?
Or walk her to class?
Make an attempt to communicate with this young and beautiful lass?
...
But time would pass and I would become a man!
My dream after all needed to be fulfilled and it's been over two decades in the making!
God, forgive but not forbid me for forsaking!
...
So, I married on a blind date.
A woman whose life was all filled with her past pains and hate!
Yes, there was no family for she but what about me?
But that didn't seem to matter to me?
Because?
I thrived on repairing she!
...
So, yes almost twenty years of marriage would pass...
I finally had the courage to ask the lass.
And yes!
As the years would Slowly pass?
I would solve my mystery.
...
I would watch the flowers Bloom!
No more what I feel Grief and Gloom!
No more would I live alone!
No more what I feel Crucified!
No more would my life seem Unjustified!
...
It's as if I took the place of that man!
And, someone took the nails from my hands!
As, if someone took the spikes from the planks!
Dear Lord God thanks!
...
No longer Cross My Broken Heart and hope to Die!
Shedding those tears from my eyes!
No more would I suffer from the feelings of wanting Death and Suicide!
No more will I feel as if my life is incomplete!
Or just a child that just plays with a little toy!
Why?
Because God Blessed me with my baby *Boy!