Humor Fiction posted August 7, 2021 Chapters: 1 -2- 3... 

This work has reached the exceptional level
My cousin worries that I might fall.

A chapter in the book Phone Calls from Caroline

Dying on the Floor

by BethShelby


Hello?  Who is this?  I want to speak to Beth.

This is Beth, Caroline, who else do you think would be answering my phone? I’m the only one who lives here. You call me two or three times a day. Why is it you can’t you ever recognize my voice?

It’s that cheap phone you got. I keep telling you to spend some of that money, and go out and get yourself a decent phone. Anyway, this is your cousin, Caroline.

Yes, I know Caroline. Is everything okay?

Well no, everything is not okay. I’m ninety-five-years-old. Everything aches, and I can’t get my daughter to stay around here long enough for me to tell her everything that’s wrong.

That is why you’ve got care-givers over there every day. Talk to them. You know she is just across the driveway if you really need her.

Yeah, well them care-givers is another story!  They keep sending me new ones over here that don’t know their butt from a hole in the ground. You got to tell `em everything, I think I ran another one off today. She said I was being mean to her, and she wasn’t coming back. I said `Good riddance!’

Caroline, Is there a reason you called? I just walked in from the grocery store, and I have some frozen stuff I need to put away. I can call you back.

No, this is important. It can’t wait. I been thinking about it, and I want you to get you one them things you hang around your neck, in case you fall. It'll call and get help for you.

I don’t need one of those things. If I fall, I’ll get back up. I’ve got telephones in every room. If I need help, I’ll call someone.

No, you listen to me! I’m older than you, and that means I’m smarter than you. You live by yourself. When you fall, you’re liable to break something. You won’t be able to get back up.

Caroline, don’t you have enough to worry about without worrying about me? If I can't get to the phone, I’ll yell at my Alexis to call 911. I’ve got one of those gadgets in every room, too.

Now, Beth that’s your problem. You think that woman’s going to help you? She don’t care nothing about you. You don’t need to be talking to that woman. You need to get rid of that thing and get you one them things like I got that goes around your neck.

Caroline, I'd get that string hung up on something, and I’d probably hang myself. I'd be setting it off all the time, and the first time I set it off I’d end up pitching it in the trash.

Now Beth, you'd better listen to me. You're going to fall on the floor and die if you don't get one. Mine saved my life.

No, it didn’t save your life. You just ran your wheelchair into the corner and couldn’t figure out how to back it up. If you're so worried about dying, you need to get that vaccine. You got strangers coming in your house all the time, and you’re going to end up getting that virus. They could have it and not even know it.

I've done told you, I’m not taking that vaccine. It’s got something in it that might change my DNA, and turn me into a man. If you’re going to start on me again about getting that vaccine, I’m going hang up. And don’t you go telling people I didn’t warn you, if you die on the floor. 



Dialogue Only Writing Contest contest entry


I'm calling this fiction, but it is very much like the phone call between my cousin and I yesterday. I've featured Caroline in a dialogue only story before.
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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