| Humor Non-Fiction posted July 31, 2021 |
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I swear: I never touched the thing!
Equipment Failure: My Fault?
by Elizabeth Emerald
I'm electronically challenged and mechanically moronic, to the point that machines malfunction in protest when they see me coming.
I'm not joking. I'd approach the copier after a colleague had gathered her stack, which had been produced without incident, and the machine would refuse (pardon the personification) to respond to my command.
No "paper jam." No "empty tray." No logical reason for the d@mn thing not to print my copy.
I'd summon my predecessor for assistance. She'd bound back to the copier, press print, and voilà.
She'd cast me a glance, narrow her eyes, roll them, and depart, shaking her head.
If I had the misfortune to require more than one copy, likely as not I'd have to call her back.
I've long been mystified, as well as mortified, as to how my very presence offends machines to the point of defiance.
Fortunately for my erstwhile employer, no damage was ever incurred by my inadvertent interference. After its momentary blip, the copier would resume operation as soon as I was safely out of its sight.
On a whim, I Googled: people who cause machines to malfunction.
Bingo!
My misdemeanors are inconsequential in comparison to countless recurrent offenses of involuntary machine-slaughter.
Check it out! (notes)
I'm electronically challenged and mechanically moronic, to the point that machines malfunction in protest when they see me coming.
I'm not joking. I'd approach the copier after a colleague had gathered her stack, which had been produced without incident, and the machine would refuse (pardon the personification) to respond to my command.
No "paper jam." No "empty tray." No logical reason for the d@mn thing not to print my copy.
I'd summon my predecessor for assistance. She'd bound back to the copier, press print, and voilà.
She'd cast me a glance, narrow her eyes, roll them, and depart, shaking her head.
If I had the misfortune to require more than one copy, likely as not I'd have to call her back.
I've long been mystified, as well as mortified, as to how my very presence offends machines to the point of defiance.
Fortunately for my erstwhile employer, no damage was ever incurred by my inadvertent interference. After its momentary blip, the copier would resume operation as soon as I was safely out of its sight.
On a whim, I Googled: people who cause machines to malfunction.
Bingo!
My misdemeanors are inconsequential in comparison to countless recurrent offenses of involuntary machine-slaughter.
Check it out! (notes)
I'm not joking. I'd approach the copier after a colleague had gathered her stack, which had been produced without incident, and the machine would refuse (pardon the personification) to respond to my command.
No "paper jam." No "empty tray." No logical reason for the d@mn thing not to print my copy.
I'd summon my predecessor for assistance. She'd bound back to the copier, press print, and voilà.
She'd cast me a glance, narrow her eyes, roll them, and depart, shaking her head.
If I had the misfortune to require more than one copy, likely as not I'd have to call her back.
I've long been mystified, as well as mortified, as to how my very presence offends machines to the point of defiance.
Fortunately for my erstwhile employer, no damage was ever incurred by my inadvertent interference. After its momentary blip, the copier would resume operation as soon as I was safely out of its sight.
On a whim, I Googled: people who cause machines to malfunction.
Bingo!
My misdemeanors are inconsequential in comparison to countless recurrent offenses of involuntary machine-slaughter.
Check it out! (notes)
 Recognized |
Helza Blaze by MoonWillow on FanArtReview.com THANK YOU!
https://www.liveabout.com/people-who-affect-electronics-weirdest-stories-2596556
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Artwork by MoonWillow at FanArtReview.com
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