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nor84


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RE: What is this site for?
Reply on October 4, 2017 08:29 PM
if you have tried to be polite and offer constructive criticism, you shouldn't worry about whether or not you have hurt the feelings of a pseudonym. You will not meet these people in the grocery store, and you should not be so hard on yourself. Gotta grow a thick skin, girl.


rama devi
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RE: What is this site for?
Reply on October 4, 2017 08:40 PM << Modifed October 4 at 8:42PM >>
I hear, you, Patty!
Having been the brunt of abusive behavior and slanders in the past quite a number of times from people who mistakenly skew the meaning of constructive critique to being destructive critique, no matter how candy coated with kindness it is, I really understand how it feels like an undeserved slap in the face.

As others have mentioned, that's their problem, not yours.

It is indeed hard to give generously of your time with intentions to be helpful and then to be slammed for it. As Nor mentioned, rude or abusive reactions should be reported. The site does step in.
But that does not take out the sting.

It's important to remember that those who point fingers at others rarely examine themselves. Abusive behavior is mean. Honest reviewing is NOT.

My guru always 'points out' that when we point a finger at someone else, three of our other fingers are pointing at ourselves.

A personal tip: one key to not feeling hurt by immature or negative reactions to honest reviews is to focus on doing your best in honor of integrity and on principle, and to not expect people to receive it graciously and with gratitude. Expectations lead to disappointment.

You'll find that many DO receive it graciously and with gratitude. And the few who don't...they deserve our compassion because they are hurting inside to react so immaturely. Perhaps thier parents were abusive, so critique translates as 'I'm not good enough or lovable'. That's a painful way to be.

I have found that the majority of 'negative reaction people' eventually mature, and some even grow to welcome honest reviews if we patiently explain to them the value of it, and also if we return to upgrade the rating when issues are resolved or spag is fixed. That gesture goes a long way, over time, to helping people understand you're rooting for them rather than 'out to get them'.

You'll find many people will respond with an ROM thumb, and some even add extra bonus cent pump gifts. They outweigh the negative reactors by far. So I recommend hanging in there.

At the same time, FS is a vortex. Time gets absorbed. If you review in depth, even more time is given. So taking time off to focus on your writing might be a good option. If your membership has not expired, I recommend taking time off but making periodic visits. If it has, then you can still visit as a standard member. Whatever you decide, I wish you best of luck!



pipersfancy
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RE: What is this site for?
Reply on October 5, 2017 12:44 AM
Hugs to you, Patty! You're a wonderful reviewer, and I know that you write your reviews with the best intentions of offering help and advice.

As someone else has mentioned, leaving the site to focus on your personal writing can be a wonderful new challenge to undertake! Just make sure that it's a decision you've made for your own purpose... and not a reaction to the immature comments of someone else!

I think periodically, we all take a break from the site!


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RE: What is this site for?
Reply on October 5, 2017 04:22 AM << Modifed October 5 at 4:27AM >>
Post away with your essay. It will help alleviate the angst, but that's probably about it. if you're expecting it to change, it won't. It's just a fact of the site, unfortunately.

The best thing to do is just skip that person's work in future.

Each person has to weigh up for themselves why they are here, and what they want from it. I see people say they are leaving all the time, but they seldom do. If the reviewing process causes such angst, maybe it's not worth it.

Sometimes it comes down to how in-depth a review is and how it is worded that can make the difference in the response. Sometimes it is us who get it wrong reviewing, but there's no excuse for abuse or name-calling.

Some people value integrity, others don't.

Take a step back, weigh it up and then decide.


kiwisteveh


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RE: What is this site for?
Reply on October 5, 2017 02:31 PM
Good thread - it brings together a number of issues that have been brought up in the past.

Patty, a large part of what you see as a problem is explained in the title you chose for the thread - What is this site for? I think you make the assumption that it's for people who want to improve their writing, when in fact it's just for people who like to write, and many of them don't care about improving.

Which brings me to a suggestion I have made before - should we have two classes or groups here on FS - the 'serious' writers and the 'social; writers. One group to be tagged with "I welcome honest critiques of my work" and the other perhaps with "Be kind, I'm only here for the social networking."

pipersfancy
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RE: What is this site for?
Reply on October 5, 2017 03:30 PM
An interesting concept, Steve. However, while I can readily imagine people putting themselves in the first category, I believe most writers view themselves (and their work) as "serious" and therefore would prefer to sidestep the second.

I base my opinion on a response I have become familiar with when I offer constructive critique in reviews. I have been informed on more than one occasion that the person's fan base approves of their writing style as demonstrated by 5-star/6-star ratings; their overall ranking; their extensive writing credits (whether or not we ever see them) etc. Therefore, there is no reason to adjust anything in their work. My review is responded to as being offensive, and I can take my 4-star review and... well, you get my drift.

nor84


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RE: What is this site for?
Reply on October 5, 2017 07:49 PM
I agree with Steve's recommendation. Someone just joining the site and choosing the serious category would have the advantage of reviewers who used the site guidelines. It's too late for the existing members, who have the 'everybody else liked it' disease.

Unfortunately, I can't see the site doing this. We can talk about it all we want, but until someone approaches Tom, we won't get any results and maybe not even then.


giraffmang
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RE: What is this site for?
Reply on October 10, 2017 01:59 AM

How do competition pieces which don't meet the competition requirements get 5 and 6 star reviews? Surely the fact it doesn't meet the requirements means it NEEDS WORK... sigh.

I know why really. Here's a list of possibilities-

1- people don't really read the work.
2- people don't read the competition rules.
3- people don't put the piece & competition together and review accordingly.
4- people don't really care.
5- people are in the same competition and it thins out the field.

I read a piece a while back which received around 30 excellent or exceptional reviews, including from top reviewers (both in terms of recognition, monthly recognised and ranked) and none of them mentioned it... rather they all said it was a great entry...


Mustangpatty1029
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RE: What is this site for?
Reply on October 10, 2017 07:09 PM
Hi, G;
I feel your frustration, and I will be the first to admit I am guilty of taking the easy way out. After reading your post here last night, I have gone on a mission.

I'm either hitting 'SKIP' on the posts of those who can't take any kind of criticism, constructive or not, OR giving a detailed explanation of why I'm rating the piece a four or even a three.

I totally agree with you that without pointing out to a writer that they totally missed the boat with their contest entry, we will not accomplish anything.

However, I've become prepared to receive a reply full of sniveling and excuses. There is always a chance of the 'revenge' review. (I think many of us have been on the receiving end of that!)

I wrote the scathing piece I intended to post about reviewing, but after being instructed by Tom to remove the Rating Scale from my signature on reviews, I decided it probably wouldn't go over too well.

I'm not entirely sure if we can ever resolve the problem. Those who work diligently on their pieces and only post something after reviewing, editing, and polishing their piece will have to be happy to receive the same five-star rating as those who jot down their story and post it within a one-half hour, or less, writing session.

Let's face it, G. Life isn't fair. They won't read the requirements for a contest entry, and they fail to realize there are rules within this community.

Just keep doing what you do -- there are quite a few people who appreciate you.

~patty~

   
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