Recent Medical & Other Observations
More of my health issues & some of my own thoughts on stuff
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rhymelord

A Bout Of Anger by OLA THOMAS

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Dear Poet,
Strong words indeed and well emphasised by the repetition of the first line. I am not sure about the effectiveness of the insert (Burning sputum). Also, I feel that the line "Friends are hurt beyond mends" would be more compatible as "Friends are hurt beyond mending". However, this is a fine statement of beliefs.
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 05-Jul-2014

What I Believe by PoeticXscape

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Dear Poet,
I regret that the meaning in this work escapes me. I do recognise a sense of frustration, but most of the writing is obscure and full of non-sequiters. The metre is good, though patchy, and the rhymes are reasonable, but I do think a lot more work is necessary to produce a coherent whole. Nevertheless there are some powerful metaphors.
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 05-Jul-2014

haiku (black lunar eclipse) by Domino 2

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Dear X-rated,
Well you left yourself open for that one. Happily, this interesting little work does not fall into a disreputable class.
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 11-Jun-2014

The Grass Grows Greener by adewpearl

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Dear Brooke,
You continue to delight with your impeccable presentation and your thoroughly delightful subject matter. I believe I recall this young lady being a factor earlier.
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 10-Jun-2014

The Crazy Cat by Nosha17

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Dear Faye,
This is indeed a bold step and you have done it creditably. However, I would suggest that you reduce the line length to anapaestic tetrameter rather than the pentameter you use. Dr Seuss and Lewis Carroll use this form extensively, but keep their lines short. They also, occasionally, throw in an iamb if the flow looks right.

The following is a Seuss poem which is tetrameter split into two diameter lines:

I meant what I said
‚?®And I said what I meant....
‚?®An elephant's faithful
‚?®One hundred per cent!

Then our mother came in
‚?®And she said to us two,
‚?®"Did you have any fun?
‚?®Tell me. What did you do?"

and, at the risk of self aggrandisement, the following are from two of my posted poems, which contain iambic and anapaestic metre:

O'Flaherty

His name was O'Flaherty, the last of his line,
Which was spawned by the heroes of old
And they'd not known defeat in the whole of their time,
'Til he went for the leprechauns' gold.

It began in the pub on a Saturday night
And the Guinness was flowing like water,
When, bleary of eye in the dark, smoky light,
He first saw the pub owner's daughter.

and

The Sasquatch and the Monkey

He was hairy and scary and that wasn't all:
With not even shoes on, he stood ten feet tall.
But Erasmus Y Sasquatch had never worn shoes -
If he had he would have to buy broad forty-twos.

One day while out strolling, as Sasquatches do,
He met with a monkey, out rambling too.
Thought Erasmus, how strange can this Universe be.
This looks like a very small Sasquatch to me.

I would like to show you the effect of line shortening with one line of yours:

So, the cat put his brakes on, astounded and taken aback!

try:

So, the cat put his brakes on, QUITE taken aback!

I do hope this helps, because I really like your work.

Best regards
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 10-Jun-2014

Divorce by Ideasaregems-Dawn

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Dear Dawn,
I love the bitter, sweet essence of this. A master lost, but a future of hope. Great execution of those lovely long flowing iambic lines and the illustration is just pure delicious cheating. Love the movie clip also. How do you find the time to get on to all of these things?
Woof/meow
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 10-Jun-2014

Old Love (for my special friend) by Ideasaregems-Dawn

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Dear Dawn,
You just have to stop talking about me.

Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Now that's enough
I think I just ran out of puff

Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 10-Jun-2014

Surprise! by adewpearl

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Dear Brooke,
It's no surprise to me, my friend
That yet again a gem you've penned
In perfect rhyme and metre too
(But that's what we expect of you)
And I look forward every day
To sunshine conjured up your way.

Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 10-Jun-2014

Upstanding by closetpoetjester

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Dear Phillippa,
If only all the medical text books could be written with such clarity of expression and rampant (intended) detail, I am sure more kids would become doctors. And, on top of all that, perfect 4/3 iambic metre. One can feel the beat!!!!
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 10-Jun-2014

My Mother, My Guide by Ideasaregems-Dawn

Exceptional
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Dear Dawn,
Simple, lovely words to that most precious person in perfect iambic tetra/trimetre. Emotion, of course, is a poet's stock in trade and you work this beautifully. You can never go wrong being nice to your Mum!
Regards
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 10-Jun-2014


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