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rhymelord

To See You Again by Ideasaregems-Dawn

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Dear Dawn,
A sonnet of which to be proud. May I make one small suggestion in relation to the time line. I think that the line:

when first upon your face my eyes alight.

implies you have not yet met.

Maybe better as:

when NEXT upon your face my eyes alight.

Hope this helps.

Regards
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 31-Aug-2014

Absolute Contrition by visionary1234

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Dear Sharyn,
The metre is fine and the rhymes are divine.
With both of these skills in your favour
I think it's a crime that you're toeing the line
Of obsessive compulsive behaviour.

Your withered old friendly sage (and part time psychologist),
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 31-Aug-2014

My Family by adewpearl

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Dear Brooke,
Well, he certainly could not have a more doting Nanna and good luck to him, but you are right. There are too many not so lucky.
Regards
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 31-Aug-2014

Moving Home by sandramitchell

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Dear Sandra,
There is no place like home, but, you are right. Moving is a traumatic experience, particularly between countries. Hasta la vista, Espania. Hola, Ingleterra!
Regards,
Reg

Comment Written by rhymelord on 31-Aug-2014

Sunshine and I by adewpearl

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Dear Brooke,
As usual a charming work, but it is not often (in fact never) that I have had cause to question your metre.
The lines seem to follow a metre of a strong syllable followed by three anapaests, except in the following lines, which I found somewhat off putting.

moon plays by night and sun during day.
Sun tossed his rays and I caught each one --

moon plays by night and THE sun during day.
Sun tossed his rays and I caught EVERY one --

Regards
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 31-Aug-2014

Corfe and its castle by Nosha17

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Dear Faye,
From sylvan glades to wonderful historic monuments and the call of derring do attached to them, you capture not only the picture but the soul of the scene. Great writing.
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 29-Aug-2014

Cruising Without Connection by Connie C

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

My dear Connie,
Beautifully presented in solid rhyme and immaculate metre, this one takes me back to those glorious days when one went on holiday to get away from everything. Truly a catharsis to clear away tensions and relax. I will confess neither my wife or I can understand you youngsters' seeming addiction to the I world. (Relax, just a grumpy old man speaking)
Regards
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 29-Aug-2014

I Want To Break Free by Domino 2

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Dear Ray,
I see you won and quite rightly. I didn't see the other entries, but I don't need to. This runs like cream and punches like Ali. Great writing.
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 29-Aug-2014

Where's Rupert? by kiwisteveh

Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Dear Steve,
This deserves far more than the meagre six stars available. It is right up there or even higher than Dr Seuss, Kipling and Carrol in its mtre, rhyme and use of such gorgeous phrasing as
boisterous, roisterous sea
and
rascally, ratbag rapscallion.

all guaranteed to grab kids attention (They certainly got mine). I do hope you win!!!

By the way, I see from your profile you are back with the long white cloud. Nice to be home? Particularly after that last match. Grrrrrrrr....
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 29-Aug-2014

Fanstory by rama devi

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Dear rd,
Love the "late night keyboard tappers". So descriptive of the addicts who occupy this site. Also love the internal rhymes that spring out at one when unexpected in what appears to be free verse.
Regards
Reg
Comment Written by rhymelord on 29-Aug-2014


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