Second Chances
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "A trip to remember"how live gives you lemonade
9 total reviews
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Oh my goodness... and how anyone can doubt the presence of one greater than ourselves, I do not understand! Love the 'sign of Victory'!! ;) :) Well-written offering for the contest - best of luck at the polls! ;)
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
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Oh my goodness... and how anyone can doubt the presence of one greater than ourselves, I do not understand! Love the 'sign of Victory'!! ;) :) Well-written offering for the contest - best of luck at the polls! ;)
Comment Written 23-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
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Thank you so much for coming back, I missed you here. Did you sell your house? Have you started teaching in person? I wish you a successful new school year and lots of fun in your personal life:)
Comment from writer723
I enjoyed reading about your true story. It sounds like you had a fun, but scary adventure. Thank Heavens you were saved from a worse fate than bruises. Your experience demonstrates the power of God and His angels to rescue someone from a dangerous situation. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
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I enjoyed reading about your true story. It sounds like you had a fun, but scary adventure. Thank Heavens you were saved from a worse fate than bruises. Your experience demonstrates the power of God and His angels to rescue someone from a dangerous situation. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2020
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Hello my dear friend, I know as a kid and even as an adult person I still think that I am handful for my Guardian Angel:) I am lucky that God send me the best Angel ever.
Comment from Dena Brenner
The story captured the reader's attention and provided good characterizations. Very relatable to have childhood experiences where we believe God intervened, because there would be no other way to explain it!
I noticed a couple of grammar/spelling errors.
Example below:
"I went back to take a look at the place of my embarrassing falling, and I should've be dead"
Better use would be "I went back to take a look at the place of my embarrassing falling, and I should have been dead"
Example below:
"I got some other close encounters with death, but this is for another time"
Better use would be " I have some other close encounters with death, but that is for another time"
Good luck with the contest!
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2022
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The story captured the reader's attention and provided good characterizations. Very relatable to have childhood experiences where we believe God intervened, because there would be no other way to explain it!
I noticed a couple of grammar/spelling errors.
Example below:
"I went back to take a look at the place of my embarrassing falling, and I should've be dead"
Better use would be "I went back to take a look at the place of my embarrassing falling, and I should have been dead"
Example below:
"I got some other close encounters with death, but this is for another time"
Better use would be " I have some other close encounters with death, but that is for another time"
Good luck with the contest!
Comment Written 18-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2022
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Thank yoi
Comment from LisaMay
Your story is certainly dramatic - a near-death experience of great danger. God reached out his hand to save you. Your descriptions of nature's beauty made me want to go there (but not too near the cliff!).
Corrections:
I made a friend, a girl that who was 5th grade. (remove 'that')
As we where (were) going deeper in the forest,
This sentence could be improved:
That was the signal that it's time for us to return to our lodging.
To avoid using two 'thats' in quick succession, I suggest:
That was the signal it was time we returned to our lodging.
This sentence contains two parts and also repetition:
The way back was way shorter, I think we ran the whole time. Perhaps it could be written:
The way back was much(change way) shorter;(change comma to a semi-colon) I think we ran the whole time.
This needs a longer break than a comma. A semi-colon or a dash would be better:
no mountain equipment for this expedition (put a dash in here) my rope was the blades of the grass.
The usual phrase is "call it a day" not 'the' day.
On my screen the spacing is different in the paragraph that contains this line:
I tumbled up in the void, (it is more usual to tumble down rather than up; I suggest I tumbled down into the void)
...pebbles and stones that woul(add a 'd') have been buried me alive.
My friends come(came) rushing towards me:
and I should've be(been) dead,(change comma to semi-colon or dash) nobody could've survived
The following paragraph needs some modification:
Do you think that I ever stopped exploring, nope! I got some other close encounters with death, but this is for another time.
I suggest:
Do you think that I ever stopped exploring? Nope! I've got some other close encounters with death, but that is for another time.
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Your story is certainly dramatic - a near-death experience of great danger. God reached out his hand to save you. Your descriptions of nature's beauty made me want to go there (but not too near the cliff!).
Corrections:
I made a friend, a girl that who was 5th grade. (remove 'that')
As we where (were) going deeper in the forest,
This sentence could be improved:
That was the signal that it's time for us to return to our lodging.
To avoid using two 'thats' in quick succession, I suggest:
That was the signal it was time we returned to our lodging.
This sentence contains two parts and also repetition:
The way back was way shorter, I think we ran the whole time. Perhaps it could be written:
The way back was much(change way) shorter;(change comma to a semi-colon) I think we ran the whole time.
This needs a longer break than a comma. A semi-colon or a dash would be better:
no mountain equipment for this expedition (put a dash in here) my rope was the blades of the grass.
The usual phrase is "call it a day" not 'the' day.
On my screen the spacing is different in the paragraph that contains this line:
I tumbled up in the void, (it is more usual to tumble down rather than up; I suggest I tumbled down into the void)
...pebbles and stones that woul(add a 'd') have been buried me alive.
My friends come(came) rushing towards me:
and I should've be(been) dead,(change comma to semi-colon or dash) nobody could've survived
The following paragraph needs some modification:
Do you think that I ever stopped exploring, nope! I got some other close encounters with death, but this is for another time.
I suggest:
Do you think that I ever stopped exploring? Nope! I've got some other close encounters with death, but that is for another time.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2020
Comment from Veenbee
Wow, what an adventure. It seems you have a spirit for that. When God says, it's not our time. It doesn't matter what the situation, he will get us through it.
Corrections: I was on nine grade, - I was in the ninth grade
playing hide and sick with the trees- hide and seek
The wind become very unfriendly- The wind became
I just love your description of the wind.
hundred meters they started to scream: "- "Look Iza
I will be ripe in two= ripped
pebbles and stones that will have been buried- would have
I saw that I supposed to be dead,- I was supposed
Hope these corrections are a help. Veenbee
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Wow, what an adventure. It seems you have a spirit for that. When God says, it's not our time. It doesn't matter what the situation, he will get us through it.
Corrections: I was on nine grade, - I was in the ninth grade
playing hide and sick with the trees- hide and seek
The wind become very unfriendly- The wind became
I just love your description of the wind.
hundred meters they started to scream: "- "Look Iza
I will be ripe in two= ripped
pebbles and stones that will have been buried- would have
I saw that I supposed to be dead,- I was supposed
Hope these corrections are a help. Veenbee
Comment Written 15-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Hello my dear friend I am so grateful for correcting my mistakes: "hide and sick", ough, this was an ugly one:) Thank you and have a blessed day.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
This is an interesting contest entry, Mystery Author. I could see everything you mentioned due to the use of vivid details and imagery. I agree with your conclusion. God was there with you that day.
Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
May I suggest:
I was on [in ninth grade] nine grade, and since I love to travel, that year I decided to go with my sister on a summer camp with children of different ages.
We arrived at the camp(,) and I was enchanted by the beauty of the mountain and the river that was zig-zagging its way around the camp.
I made friends right away with the kids from my room. At night(,) I used to make up stories, so the small ones can[ could ] get to sleep and forget about being away from their parents.
I made a friend, a girl[ who was in 5th grade ] that was grade five. Mihaela was from Managalia, and we become pen friends after this memorable trip.
I think we choose [ chose ] the time wrong. Even [ in summer, at . . ] at summer five o'clock in a forest is not very assuring. I remember how the sun was playing hide and sick [ seek ] with the trees.
The next day [ my tribe and I ] me and my tribe of mischief(,) which included my sister(,) decided to go and explore the mountain across the river.
Of course, we didn't tell anybody:[no colon comma before so ] so, here we are exploring the unknown. scream [ comma here ]: "
Look, Iza(,) there is a cross... somebody died here! Maybe we should turn back and call it the day."
My tribe was smarter than me, so they started to descend. I told them: "You guys,[ no comma ] go ahead and wait for me at the bottom of the mountain." I ignored that sign of danger and continue[ continued ] my climbing. I remember trying to use a heap of grass to advance{. ] {The next thing I knew, I was. . . ] and here we are: I was going down the slope with incredible speed, flying past my kids down to the river. All I saw was rushing trees in front of my eyes, and I was thinking: "Man, if I land on one of those I will be ripe [ripped ] in two."
I couldn't believe my luck. I tumble [ tumbled ] up in the void, and somehow I landed on the river bank. With my last wits I dragged [drug ] myself half a meter to the right. That move saved my life, because on my way down I engaged a nice avalanche of pebbles and stones that will [ would have buried . . . ] have been buried me alive.
My friends come rushing towards me: "Are you, okay?" I just made the sign of Victory and drop [ dropped ] down trying to catch my breath. I stayed like that for 30 minutes,[ minutes. The kids . . . ] and the kids were laughing and saying; "Man, she almost died there. Just imagine a fresh cross next to the other one."
I finally regain [regained ] my strength and told them that it's time to go back and not tell the teachers about this incident.
Later(,k) I understood that God saved my life. I went back to take a look at the place of my embarrassing falling,[ fall, ] and I saw that I [ was ] supposed to be dead, nobody could've survived that rough fall, but here I am today talking about it.
Do you think that I ever stopped exploring, nope! I got some other closer [ close ] encounters with death, but this is for another time.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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This is an interesting contest entry, Mystery Author. I could see everything you mentioned due to the use of vivid details and imagery. I agree with your conclusion. God was there with you that day.
Best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan
May I suggest:
I was on [in ninth grade] nine grade, and since I love to travel, that year I decided to go with my sister on a summer camp with children of different ages.
We arrived at the camp(,) and I was enchanted by the beauty of the mountain and the river that was zig-zagging its way around the camp.
I made friends right away with the kids from my room. At night(,) I used to make up stories, so the small ones can[ could ] get to sleep and forget about being away from their parents.
I made a friend, a girl[ who was in 5th grade ] that was grade five. Mihaela was from Managalia, and we become pen friends after this memorable trip.
I think we choose [ chose ] the time wrong. Even [ in summer, at . . ] at summer five o'clock in a forest is not very assuring. I remember how the sun was playing hide and sick [ seek ] with the trees.
The next day [ my tribe and I ] me and my tribe of mischief(,) which included my sister(,) decided to go and explore the mountain across the river.
Of course, we didn't tell anybody:[no colon comma before so ] so, here we are exploring the unknown. scream [ comma here ]: "
Look, Iza(,) there is a cross... somebody died here! Maybe we should turn back and call it the day."
My tribe was smarter than me, so they started to descend. I told them: "You guys,[ no comma ] go ahead and wait for me at the bottom of the mountain." I ignored that sign of danger and continue[ continued ] my climbing. I remember trying to use a heap of grass to advance{. ] {The next thing I knew, I was. . . ] and here we are: I was going down the slope with incredible speed, flying past my kids down to the river. All I saw was rushing trees in front of my eyes, and I was thinking: "Man, if I land on one of those I will be ripe [ripped ] in two."
I couldn't believe my luck. I tumble [ tumbled ] up in the void, and somehow I landed on the river bank. With my last wits I dragged [drug ] myself half a meter to the right. That move saved my life, because on my way down I engaged a nice avalanche of pebbles and stones that will [ would have buried . . . ] have been buried me alive.
My friends come rushing towards me: "Are you, okay?" I just made the sign of Victory and drop [ dropped ] down trying to catch my breath. I stayed like that for 30 minutes,[ minutes. The kids . . . ] and the kids were laughing and saying; "Man, she almost died there. Just imagine a fresh cross next to the other one."
I finally regain [regained ] my strength and told them that it's time to go back and not tell the teachers about this incident.
Later(,k) I understood that God saved my life. I went back to take a look at the place of my embarrassing falling,[ fall, ] and I saw that I [ was ] supposed to be dead, nobody could've survived that rough fall, but here I am today talking about it.
Do you think that I ever stopped exploring, nope! I got some other closer [ close ] encounters with death, but this is for another time.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Hi Jan, as usual thank you so much for the grammar corrections, that I really appreciated.
Comment from royowen
You tend to write in the present tense Iza, whereas this is supposed to be in the past tense, unless you're doing it at the moment. But a very interesting work dear Iza, blessings. Roy
Suggestion : I was in the ninth grade.typo : That (will) have buried me ave, would? 2: I finally regain(ed) my strength. 3 : tell them I (felt) in the bathroom. Fell? 3: I saw that (I was suppose) I should've been dead. 5 : but (this) I'd for another time, That?
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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You tend to write in the present tense Iza, whereas this is supposed to be in the past tense, unless you're doing it at the moment. But a very interesting work dear Iza, blessings. Roy
Suggestion : I was in the ninth grade.typo : That (will) have buried me ave, would? 2: I finally regain(ed) my strength. 3 : tell them I (felt) in the bathroom. Fell? 3: I saw that (I was suppose) I should've been dead. 5 : but (this) I'd for another time, That?
Comment Written 15-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Yes you are so right, and some of my mistakes are so silly:(
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But I do know it's your third language, so you're good Iza
Comment from BethShelby
It sounds like you are very bold and God must have assigned several guardien angels to you. I'm glad you could acknowledge that it was because of his mercy that your are still alive to tell your story.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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It sounds like you are very bold and God must have assigned several guardien angels to you. I'm glad you could acknowledge that it was because of his mercy that your are still alive to tell your story.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Hello Ms. Beth, someday this habit of mine is going to get me into trouble pretty good.
Comment from equestrik
What an amazing story and experience this was! I can relate to your adventurous spirit. The story is good and held my interest well. It did have a few spelling/grammar mistakes but truly, good.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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What an amazing story and experience this was! I can relate to your adventurous spirit. The story is good and held my interest well. It did have a few spelling/grammar mistakes but truly, good.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2020
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Thank you for taking a chance on this story.
