Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

The twisted, splintered stick is a great description of the hunger pains, I'm glad I've never had them. A good little flash fiction of this famous story as Oliver plucks up the courage to ask 'I want some more'
Good luck in the contest Steve,
cheers

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2020

Thanks, Valda.

Sorry for the late reply.

Steve

Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

I knew Oliver was hungry when I read the book, but you make it sound so painful with the splintered stick in the gut. No wonder he got up the nerve to ask for more. At least that request got him out of that horrid place.

 Comment Written 06-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020

Thank you. I feel that great hunger is painful - hence the splintered stick. Glad it worked for you. I actually re-read that portion of the novel to make sure I had it right in my head. In fact, Oliver was chosen to represent all the other starving boys, one of whom was so hungry he was threatening to eat one of his peers!

Steve

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Being a teacher, I was afraid this poor child was being chewed out. LOL I know teachers used to do that, and in front of others. I enjoyed reading this contest entry and good luck.

 Comment Written 06-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 06-Jul-2020

Ah, yes, Oliver asking for more certainly resulted in a grand chewing out!

Thanks for the review.

Steve

Comment from lightink

Excellent

Wow! This is a painful piece! Very well written. First we get the graphic description of the pain, and just at the very end do we gain clarification, on the horrific starvation - and the utterly subservient relationship. Wow!

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020

Thanks for the kind words and the intensity of the reaction.

Steve

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

I'm assuming you're playing off the tendency of Flash Fiction to end with a twist. But I'm not fully grasping this . . . or the splintered stick, either.
I'm sure I'm being dense, obtuse. I feel the splintered stick is the clue that unlocks the meaning, but I can't put my finger on it. Maybe this is a parody of Flash's requisite twist?

Sorry, Steve. I'm missing something.

I hope others, particularly the Committee are less obtuse than I.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020

Ha! Nice pun - I hadn't even thought of the Twist ending. Maybe not as deep as you suspect - the splintered stick is just my metaphor for the gnawing hunger. I did think of using 'gruel' hunger...

Stay safe where you are - looks like the biggest threats have moved elsewhere.

Steve

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

A twisted story of starvation in Victorian Britain and how bravery comes from that gnawing hunger and the will to eat more! "More Twist?". Ha ha ha, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020

Thanks, Dolly.

I must be a little slow because it's taken reviewers such as you to point out the 'twist' in the tale.

Steve

Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca

Excellent

Excellently written for the contest, count is spot on as far as i can tell. Excellent story line and quite a background to the famous line you closed with.

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020

Thanks, Barb. I hope everyone gets that line and the 'twist' in the ending!

Steve

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

I like your title's allusion to the Dicken's book but you "twisted" the order. I'm not sure if you a referring to a specific incident or just raise awareness that food shortage is a reality in the world, but the writing is well done! Best wishes in the contest!

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2020

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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2020

Thanks, Helen. I'm not sure how I twisted the order - unless you're referring to the fact that Oliver is looking back on the incident from some point in the future...

And no, not a comment on food shortages - just a re-working of this famous incident from Oliver's point of view.

Steve

reply by lyenochka on 05-Jul-2020

Oh I was just playing with the name - Oliver Twist v.s. Twisted Oliver.