Comes a Time
Time changes everything.17 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Lisa
You've had a time of it, haven't you? I wonder why tragedy seems to strike in lumps? I think it might have a bit to do with the times we live in now. We know so many people. A hundred years ago, it wasn't like that. Family and a few close friends perhaps. Today, especially recently with the virus that's creating havoc around the globe, the media doesn't let up. They push it in our faces hour after hour. It's really best to not watch the news.
I just want to mention a few of your special phrases,
"quick-flicked feastings" (inner rhyme)
"Hungry as hummingbirds" (alliteration)
"time's sand trickling through our flexed fingers" (good imagery)
"now heavy-footed in metronomic measured tread, we plod" (feelings described for "plod")
"time's ponderous passage"... (nice alliteration)
"the scars of wisdom's wounds" ... (again, nice alliteration)
"arc-marked span" (inner rhyme)
"trajectories of joys and tragedies" (alliteration)
"patterns of our personae" (alliteration)
"geometry of generations" (alliteration)
"minutiae of our movements" (alliteration)
and the final rhyming couplet,
"With ebb and flow,
we come and go."
You make this free verse interesting to read. That takes skill. Your poem is really a huge metaphor, as you compare our lives to time in the stars above (when we lift our heads) or slipping sand below (between our toes).
Nicely penned!
Cheers
Kimbob
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2020
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Hi Lisa
You've had a time of it, haven't you? I wonder why tragedy seems to strike in lumps? I think it might have a bit to do with the times we live in now. We know so many people. A hundred years ago, it wasn't like that. Family and a few close friends perhaps. Today, especially recently with the virus that's creating havoc around the globe, the media doesn't let up. They push it in our faces hour after hour. It's really best to not watch the news.
I just want to mention a few of your special phrases,
"quick-flicked feastings" (inner rhyme)
"Hungry as hummingbirds" (alliteration)
"time's sand trickling through our flexed fingers" (good imagery)
"now heavy-footed in metronomic measured tread, we plod" (feelings described for "plod")
"time's ponderous passage"... (nice alliteration)
"the scars of wisdom's wounds" ... (again, nice alliteration)
"arc-marked span" (inner rhyme)
"trajectories of joys and tragedies" (alliteration)
"patterns of our personae" (alliteration)
"geometry of generations" (alliteration)
"minutiae of our movements" (alliteration)
and the final rhyming couplet,
"With ebb and flow,
we come and go."
You make this free verse interesting to read. That takes skill. Your poem is really a huge metaphor, as you compare our lives to time in the stars above (when we lift our heads) or slipping sand below (between our toes).
Nicely penned!
Cheers
Kimbob
Comment Written 30-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2020
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I really appreciate your time spent spent in reading my poem, and your thorough review as a response. I was worried the extended metaphor might be clumsy but it appears to have worked.
Comment from Michele Harber
First, Lisa May, I'm so sorry to hear about all of the death and illness to which you returned after what seemed to have been an otherwise pleasant trip.
I actually felt old after reading your poem, as it took me through a lifetime - young, curious and energetic through old, faltering and losing one's grip - in the space of a few stanzas. You did a good job of expressing the differences in the ages and, as always, you made an excellent use of such literary devices as metaphor, alliteration, and internal rhyme.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2020
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First, Lisa May, I'm so sorry to hear about all of the death and illness to which you returned after what seemed to have been an otherwise pleasant trip.
I actually felt old after reading your poem, as it took me through a lifetime - young, curious and energetic through old, faltering and losing one's grip - in the space of a few stanzas. You did a good job of expressing the differences in the ages and, as always, you made an excellent use of such literary devices as metaphor, alliteration, and internal rhyme.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2020
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Thanks for your kind words and your reviews, Michele. After three solid weeks of mostly good times, the harsh reality of other dramas once we got home was a bit of a downer. But on the up-side, how lucky we were to be able to travel so extensively, unimpeded.
I've borrowed a keyboard so i can
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I'm glad you had a good time and got home safely. Hopefully the memories can help you through some of the negative things you've had to deal with since. I'm glad you have a keyboard to use so you can continue your writing. That's probably the best therapy of all.
Comment from Margaret Bednar
The honey of youth and the shoes filled with sand... Yes, grab life and enjoy as we all know we must store up for times that aren't so fun. I am so glad you took this trip Sorry about Piggy - at least Piggy had a nice home to live even a short life in.
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The honey of youth and the shoes filled with sand... Yes, grab life and enjoy as we all know we must store up for times that aren't so fun. I am so glad you took this trip Sorry about Piggy - at least Piggy had a nice home to live even a short life in.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2020
Comment from Amanda Louise Davis
I liked this a lot, especially the line about galaxies whirling. I think you did an excellent job with this poem, and I appreciated the chance to read this. Thanks for sharing.
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I liked this a lot, especially the line about galaxies whirling. I think you did an excellent job with this poem, and I appreciated the chance to read this. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2020
Comment from Pearl Edwards
This is a beautiful free verse poem where you've let your thoughts on the passing of time flow easily and it shows as we go from the spring in our steps when young to the heavy-footed tread of the older you. Loved this one, and your author notes really do tell us, enjoy it while you can.
Cheers
valda
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This is a beautiful free verse poem where you've let your thoughts on the passing of time flow easily and it shows as we go from the spring in our steps when young to the heavy-footed tread of the older you. Loved this one, and your author notes really do tell us, enjoy it while you can.
Cheers
valda
Comment Written 28-Jun-2020
Comment from zanya
Condoleances on your losses - very brave sharing these moments with readers - a poem filled with wisdom about the role of time in our human existence
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2020
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Condoleances on your losses - very brave sharing these moments with readers - a poem filled with wisdom about the role of time in our human existence
Comment Written 28-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2020
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Thank you for your comments. I appreciate them.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I thought there were some memorable lines all over the place in this poem. My favorite part: We don't mark time - time marks us.
Faltering, we lose our grip
as facts become phantoms.
Winding down, our hands slip.
Age and time seems to take all of us. So sorry about the losses which became evident on returning. On the plus side, at least the hedgehog died in a safe, happy place.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2020
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I thought there were some memorable lines all over the place in this poem. My favorite part: We don't mark time - time marks us.
Faltering, we lose our grip
as facts become phantoms.
Winding down, our hands slip.
Age and time seems to take all of us. So sorry about the losses which became evident on returning. On the plus side, at least the hedgehog died in a safe, happy place.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2020
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Thanks for your super review!
It was a bit rough coming back to bleak news after such an enjoyable vacation. There were some really freezing frosts while we were away and the hedgehog succumbed because he was too small and didn't have enough fat to stay warm.
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Rats. That is too bad. It seems like I have to bury at least one animal (usually a bird) every year, too, for various reasons.
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
As T.S. Eliot said... "Time present and time past are both perhaps present in time future." We weave our way through youth quite ignorant of the treasure of energy and as it defuses through the years we rue what we failed to do and yearn for what might have been.
Your poem is well-penned and includes so much of past and present and how the years (grains of sand) slip through our fingers. I resonate with this deeply. Thanks for sharing. Ralf
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2020
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As T.S. Eliot said... "Time present and time past are both perhaps present in time future." We weave our way through youth quite ignorant of the treasure of energy and as it defuses through the years we rue what we failed to do and yearn for what might have been.
Your poem is well-penned and includes so much of past and present and how the years (grains of sand) slip through our fingers. I resonate with this deeply. Thanks for sharing. Ralf
Comment Written 28-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2020
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Thanks for your comments. We're at that stage of life where perspective shows us our past in a reflective light, and our future perhaps in a dim light.
TS Eliot is one of my favourite writers, i love his imagery. I really disliked his writing when we had to read it in high school, but when i approached it on my own terms a few years later, I grew to enjoy it very much. That's what maturity brings - better understanding.
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My favourite, too.
Comment from R. Hiland
Having added a sixth star, I find I haven't much to say in review. Just-- I like this piece. Probably the thoughtful tone as much as anything. The conjoined internal rhymes and occasional heavy alliteration are almost too much. Almost. But still appealing, useful accents and I wouldn't have them changed for anything. Lovely work.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2020
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Having added a sixth star, I find I haven't much to say in review. Just-- I like this piece. Probably the thoughtful tone as much as anything. The conjoined internal rhymes and occasional heavy alliteration are almost too much. Almost. But still appealing, useful accents and I wouldn't have them changed for anything. Lovely work.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2020
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Thanks for your terrific review. My use of alliteration is something of a stylistic trademark with my writing.
I've written a few lightweight limericks lately (more alliteration!), so it felt like something of a balance to write in more serious tones.
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Your footnote also reminded me of a 10 day bus tour of the South Island 36 years ago, skiing in the Southern Alps and Fantails and Hangis...
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about the time we have should never be wasted on things that have no clue to add a to our lives in a very short a time so many things changed and nothing will e the same again .
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A very well-written poem about the time we have should never be wasted on things that have no clue to add a to our lives in a very short a time so many things changed and nothing will e the same again .
Comment Written 28-Jun-2020
