Black Swan
4/8/4 Senryu for George Floyd & Family15 total reviews
Comment from Mark Schardine
smothered black swan gasps
for air in frigid blue pool --
knee-deep in sins
You conclude with a great shock. There is blame to be given, and evil does not happen by accident. Someone wills it into existence.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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smothered black swan gasps
for air in frigid blue pool --
knee-deep in sins
You conclude with a great shock. There is blame to be given, and evil does not happen by accident. Someone wills it into existence.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Thank you very much, Mark
Comment from robyn corum
M,
Very effective poem. I can see so many references to the Floyd tragedy. The lack of breath - knee-deep in sins - obviously referring to those 8+ minutes of knee positioning.
Thanks, gypsy. Hugs--
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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M,
Very effective poem. I can see so many references to the Floyd tragedy. The lack of breath - knee-deep in sins - obviously referring to those 8+ minutes of knee positioning.
Thanks, gypsy. Hugs--
Comment Written 07-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2020
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Thank you very much for your thoughtful review and helpful feedback.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Gypsy,
Marvelous imagery in this powerful haiku/senryu.
The juxtaposition of the black swan and the frigid blue pool
is outstanding and the subtle wording of the colors
and "knee-deep" elevate the impact.
Like Picasso's Guernica, beautiful sadness.
A poem that matters.
Best wishes to you.
Robert
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
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Hello Gypsy,
Marvelous imagery in this powerful haiku/senryu.
The juxtaposition of the black swan and the frigid blue pool
is outstanding and the subtle wording of the colors
and "knee-deep" elevate the impact.
Like Picasso's Guernica, beautiful sadness.
A poem that matters.
Best wishes to you.
Robert
Comment Written 06-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2020
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Thank you very much, Robert. I respect your opinion and your review is very important to me. Thank you very much for your review and kind six stars. Have a wonderful weekend.
Comment from sherrygreywolf
Absolutely incredible. Sad, but wonderfully crafted poem that meets all the definition and formatting criteria for the senryu. Please stay safe in these unsettled times we are living in.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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Absolutely incredible. Sad, but wonderfully crafted poem that meets all the definition and formatting criteria for the senryu. Please stay safe in these unsettled times we are living in.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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Thank you very much, Sherry. I appreciate your review and kind words. Thank you very much for your six stars.
Comment from Ulla
Hola Guapa, A beautiful tribute to the recent tragic happening in the US. Will the hate and prejudice ever end? I can only hope so. I loved your senryu, your black swans are a very poignant reminder. Un abrazo. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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Hola Guapa, A beautiful tribute to the recent tragic happening in the US. Will the hate and prejudice ever end? I can only hope so. I loved your senryu, your black swans are a very poignant reminder. Un abrazo. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 05-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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Thank you very much for your review and kind words, Ulla. I hope you are doing well. Take care my friend.
Comment from Aiona
Mmm.... good use of metaphor here. Imagery is vivid. And the topic is relevant to current events. Without your note that this is a tribute to George Floyd, one can still guess, because pools and swans don't have knees.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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Mmm.... good use of metaphor here. Imagery is vivid. And the topic is relevant to current events. Without your note that this is a tribute to George Floyd, one can still guess, because pools and swans don't have knees.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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Thank you very much for your review and feedback.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
It is a pity that black swans are depicted this way, but your poem is ambient and brings a sort of black magic to the scene here, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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It is a pity that black swans are depicted this way, but your poem is ambient and brings a sort of black magic to the scene here, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 05-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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This haiku is about George Floyd, an African American man killed by police officers. It was a metaphor, not about bad swans.
Thank you very much for your review.
Comment from lyenochka
You used just the right symbolism for this senryu. The "black" for that dear, innocent man who was brutally killed, "blue" for the police officer who used his "knee" to kill. I suspect it wasn't for any crime but because they worked together before and I hope that officer gets first degree murder conviction.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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You used just the right symbolism for this senryu. The "black" for that dear, innocent man who was brutally killed, "blue" for the police officer who used his "knee" to kill. I suspect it wasn't for any crime but because they worked together before and I hope that officer gets first degree murder conviction.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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I hope the four police officers get first degree murder.
Thank you very much for your review and kind words, Helen.
Comment from Margaret Bednar
Ah Clever. Blue referencing the policeman, the black swan, of course, George Floyd. So many sins here - it boggles the mind. This senryu certainly fulfills "ironic or satiric vein."
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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Ah Clever. Blue referencing the policeman, the black swan, of course, George Floyd. So many sins here - it boggles the mind. This senryu certainly fulfills "ironic or satiric vein."
Comment Written 04-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2020
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Thank you, Margaret, I am happy you got the meaning of my haiku.
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Oh, this one deserves my last six. I see George Floyd in a sea of blue, cops, begging for his life and struggling for breath under that wicked man's KNEE. GREAT job, movingly symbolic
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2020
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Oh, this one deserves my last six. I see George Floyd in a sea of blue, cops, begging for his life and struggling for breath under that wicked man's KNEE. GREAT job, movingly symbolic
Comment Written 04-Jun-2020
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2020
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Thank you, I am you got the meaning of this. Good night, Janice, thank you very much for the six stars.
