A Compilation of Short stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 73 "Confinement in a Box"Expressions
25 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Ulla,
Oh, wow. I'm not sure how I had missed this one, but I'm glad i finally found it. *smile* This is the first piece of prose I have seen by you that was outside your family tale. The writing is crystal clear - and makes me want to nudge you to writing a lot more of these!
A couple of notes:
1.) hence the letters he'd written to me (from) wherever he happened to be.
2.) I looked at the box, as tears filled my eyes. I took out the letter
--> I looked (into) the box, tears filled my eyes. I took out the letter
3.) last he'd ever written to me when he(')d been on a trip to Australia.
Very authentic and realistic. I enjoyed!
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2020
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Ulla,
Oh, wow. I'm not sure how I had missed this one, but I'm glad i finally found it. *smile* This is the first piece of prose I have seen by you that was outside your family tale. The writing is crystal clear - and makes me want to nudge you to writing a lot more of these!
A couple of notes:
1.) hence the letters he'd written to me (from) wherever he happened to be.
2.) I looked at the box, as tears filled my eyes. I took out the letter
--> I looked (into) the box, tears filled my eyes. I took out the letter
3.) last he'd ever written to me when he(')d been on a trip to Australia.
Very authentic and realistic. I enjoyed!
Comment Written 22-Sep-2020
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2020
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Thank you so much, Robyn. No, it's not about family. But it is not fiction either.The setting is fiction, but the letters and what happen to him is not. I'm so glad you liked it. I have written loads of short stories. Ulla:)))
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, Confinement in a Box, is a powerful tale of trying to find something to do that takes our character back to a relationship with a tough ending. Your build up for the lock-down, which we can relate to, and the forgotten letters from the past, which we all have somewhere, lead us to this sad revelation of a decision made that cannot be unmade. What can we do but file that away again until we are stronger.
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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This story, Confinement in a Box, is a powerful tale of trying to find something to do that takes our character back to a relationship with a tough ending. Your build up for the lock-down, which we can relate to, and the forgotten letters from the past, which we all have somewhere, lead us to this sad revelation of a decision made that cannot be unmade. What can we do but file that away again until we are stronger.
Comment Written 17-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Thank you so much, Bill. I really appreciate this. I'm glad you liked it. Ulla:)))
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
I wish people were staying home where I am. They aren't and things are starting to open up soon. The second wave will be coming in the next couple of months I'm sure. You did a great job with this :)
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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I wish people were staying home where I am. They aren't and things are starting to open up soon. The second wave will be coming in the next couple of months I'm sure. You did a great job with this :)
Comment Written 16-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Thank you so much. I believe you're right. We are only into a tentative fase 1 here in Spain, which will last for one more week. Then it's three more fases each lasting two weeks. If cases flare up at any time we will be in full lock down again. All countries are very cautious here in Europe. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment from Sugarray77
Ulla, this is such a moving write... whether true or not, it is gripping in its emotional pull on the heart of the reader. Very well presented, organized, and constructed. I really enjoyed reading it.
Melissa
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Ulla, this is such a moving write... whether true or not, it is gripping in its emotional pull on the heart of the reader. Very well presented, organized, and constructed. I really enjoyed reading it.
Melissa
Comment Written 16-May-2020
reply by the author on 17-May-2020
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Awe, Melissa, and thanks so much for your wonderful review and rating. The story is true. I was devastated when Antonio died. So young. What a tragedy.
Thank you much again. Ulla:)))
Comment from estory
I think it's a great coronavirus story. This is a very well detailed scene you place us in, we feel the frustrations of sitting in the apartment, missing those human connections in the stay at home order. It tempts you to go searching around in the attic. And under all the layers of dust, the years of time, you find these old love letters from someone who died of stomach cancer while he was still young. I think it really hits home. It really is a story that speaks of the fragility of life, the disappointments of it, the sense of the finality of it. These people who get swept away from you in life, never to return. Well told. estory
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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I think it's a great coronavirus story. This is a very well detailed scene you place us in, we feel the frustrations of sitting in the apartment, missing those human connections in the stay at home order. It tempts you to go searching around in the attic. And under all the layers of dust, the years of time, you find these old love letters from someone who died of stomach cancer while he was still young. I think it really hits home. It really is a story that speaks of the fragility of life, the disappointments of it, the sense of the finality of it. These people who get swept away from you in life, never to return. Well told. estory
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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Thank you so much, estory. I'm glad you liked it. Well, it did happen to me so many years ago. All best. Ulla:))
Comment from damommy
What a wonderful story full of details and great imagery, like watching a movie. I could see the dust over all the things in the dimly light attic. The letters were a surprise. Not a good time, I guess, for her to read them, but I think I would have had to.
reply by the author on 15-May-2020
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What a wonderful story full of details and great imagery, like watching a movie. I could see the dust over all the things in the dimly light attic. The letters were a surprise. Not a good time, I guess, for her to read them, but I think I would have had to.
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 15-May-2020
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Wow, thank you so much, Yvonne and for your lovely six stars. It's such a boost to my confidence. Well, I'm admitting that this is biographical. I just couldm't cope reading them at the time. I suppose one day, I will. Thank you so much again. Ulla:)))
Comment from Margaret Bednar
I have reread and I find a lot of very nice descriptives in this story. I still think there are spots it can be tightened and others expanded - but that is me.
I like this but I think there are a few places you could tighten it up. Do you think the short story is served with the paragraph about the desire to make it an office? I suggest continue on with the idea that the boxes are packed with memories - maybe they are stacked leaning, others, hidden, some carefully protected with sheets, others a bit battered, some broken (just like memories) or something along that line. I'd also maybe like to be "read" a few lines from that letter from Antonio and maybe you don't finish it and carefully refold it into the envelope before carefully storing it back into the box. I think you can really yank a few more heartstrings and tears out of the reader with this if you work at it. Hope you don' t mind this critique.
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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I have reread and I find a lot of very nice descriptives in this story. I still think there are spots it can be tightened and others expanded - but that is me.
I like this but I think there are a few places you could tighten it up. Do you think the short story is served with the paragraph about the desire to make it an office? I suggest continue on with the idea that the boxes are packed with memories - maybe they are stacked leaning, others, hidden, some carefully protected with sheets, others a bit battered, some broken (just like memories) or something along that line. I'd also maybe like to be "read" a few lines from that letter from Antonio and maybe you don't finish it and carefully refold it into the envelope before carefully storing it back into the box. I think you can really yank a few more heartstrings and tears out of the reader with this if you work at it. Hope you don' t mind this critique.
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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Thanks for the review, Margaret. I don't mind the critique, at all. It's actually very useful. But what I do mind is the bad rating, as you didn't find any mistakes. Suggestions for improvements is always welcome. FS is not the real world. We are here to help each other and to learn. I'm working on the piece. Ulla:)
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I have the print out next to me that FanStory gives as rating rules. I am just going by that. I always can go back and change my rating. And 4 isn't bad - I'm getting so confused by a few (most don't) who say it is a bad rating? I am not about the rating - but the critique. I don't care if I am a number 97 poet or a 23. Why do you care so much about the rating. And anyway, I see most everyone gives out 5's OR doesn't comment at all. That is the sad thing, as some have told me the SKIP ones they can't give 5's as people get upset at critiques. That is NOT what this is about. Do you understand? I will skip you entirely as I don't need to waste my time, but I think my critiques are helpful - the 5's are NOT (and much easier to give.) So let me know. I'm not mad, I just don't want to waste my time.
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I will send you a PM and try to explain. I don't want to make a big issue of this. But I would love if you could maybe understand what this site means to a lot of us. Ulla:)))
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... me too. I don't want to be a part of this site if I'm not going to get real critiques. It means a lot to me too. I just won't review. I can't just hand out 5's. I can adjust afterwards, but why would I want 5's if there is work to be done? If I want to become a better writer. I think you just need to think about that and let me know. I don't need an explanation - I do understand. I am not mad, just this is a topic that most of us writers need to ponder here... I won't be offended if you don't want my review, but I think you are looking at it in the wrong light if you decide that.
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Again. Please tell me why you think a 4 is bad. On the instructions, FanStory lists a 4 as "Good: Adjustments needed". ??? I would really like an answer.
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I've just sent you a PM that may not answer that question. A 4 is given where you have four mistakes, spags, or more. If the writing is free of that a five is given but open to lots of suggestions, which is then up to the writer to respond to. Again, this site doesn't reflect the real world. We are here to learn and help each other. You're a good writer, I think, and you are already helping me. But a constant 4 rating is discouraging to me. I lose the confidence. I have one writer who gives me a four when she doesn't think it's good enough Spags and so on. I then edit, she knows I always will, and if she thinks I've improved she changes the rate to a five. That is encouragement, and I have a lot of respect for her. Ulla;)))
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Now, I've just responded to your above question. Don't give up on the site, please. So many have published learning from this site. If I'm discouraging you then I've done a bad job. Please do stay. You do write a great feedback.
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I responded to your PM you sent. Nowhere do I see on the FanStory description about 4's given if there are at least four mistakes. And, I often give 5's when there are insignificant mistakes - it all depends. And remember, the lowest sore is ALWAYS removed from the overall score - so you should be good. AND if you get a number of 4's that IS a heads up and that IS a good learning curve.
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Oh, I have thick skin. I'm not discouraged at all. I just feel sorry for you in that you don't want a true critique and you said you want to be a published writer. I think you must have low self-confidence and I don't understand that as you are good - but even the best authors need feed back and are always told to slash their words, etc.
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Yes, when it comes to writing I have low confidence. A four on this site shows me I can't be that good. I'm sorry, but that's how it comes across. Sigh. I do want honest critique, but don't pull me down in doing so. I love to write and don't want to lose that joy . I'm 68 next week and I want to enjoy this. Believe you me, I know what you're saying. I wish I was 25. I'm a very assertive person. It's all in my porfolio if you want to know more about me. Ulla:)))
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Now, I would have read them, cried my eyes out and jumped off the roof! Hmm, your idea was best. Put them away. What a lovely, very sad, but imaginative story, Ulla. It's one many people can relate to. But in these days of uncertainty it's best just to read happy things. This is an excellent contest entry, my friend. Good luck!! Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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Now, I would have read them, cried my eyes out and jumped off the roof! Hmm, your idea was best. Put them away. What a lovely, very sad, but imaginative story, Ulla. It's one many people can relate to. But in these days of uncertainty it's best just to read happy things. This is an excellent contest entry, my friend. Good luck!! Sandra xxx
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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Hahahaha, Sandra. Well, I chose not to jump off the roof. I love life too much! But I couldn't stomach reading them. So they, the letters, are back in their box. Thanks again, Sandra. Ulla xxx
Comment from nancy_e_davis
There is no good time to visit the sad parts of the past. It is not good for you and can only depress you. Why we save such things is a wonder to me. This is a good story though and it was a wise decision not to go there. LOL Not at this time for sure. xxx Nancy:)
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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There is no good time to visit the sad parts of the past. It is not good for you and can only depress you. Why we save such things is a wonder to me. This is a good story though and it was a wise decision not to go there. LOL Not at this time for sure. xxx Nancy:)
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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Thank you so much, Nancy. I'm so glad that you liked it. No, I found that out the hard way. So the box is still up there. A hug. Ulla xxx
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a very well-written interesting piece. It's very realistic, relatable with how we're all feeling with the pandemic, trying to find something to occupy our time. It's such a shame the love affair had to end the way it did. Nicely done. Good luck with your contest.
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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This is a very well-written interesting piece. It's very realistic, relatable with how we're all feeling with the pandemic, trying to find something to occupy our time. It's such a shame the love affair had to end the way it did. Nicely done. Good luck with your contest.
Comment Written 15-May-2020
reply by the author on 16-May-2020
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Thanks a lot Misty, I so apppreciate it. All the best. Ulla:)))
