Alice's Coffee Shop
Life and Love will find us anywhere...8 total reviews
Comment from Therese Caron
Wow, what an encounter! Your description of the gentleman is so clear, covering both his fears and desires.He has been alone and structured for so long that he did not even know how to respond. I am glad he made the right choice. I was afraid there would be a twist, and she would ask him for the paper when he was finished with it! Good story. Great writing.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2019
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Wow, what an encounter! Your description of the gentleman is so clear, covering both his fears and desires.He has been alone and structured for so long that he did not even know how to respond. I am glad he made the right choice. I was afraid there would be a twist, and she would ask him for the paper when he was finished with it! Good story. Great writing.
Comment Written 23-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2019
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I write to reconnect folks head and heart, that?s my goal. Thank you for the most kind words. They let me know I have a level of success. Again, thank you and be blessed this day
Comment from JudyE
This is beautifully written and you've captured the anxieties of the man pulled out of his comfort zone really well. It is SO believeable simply because of the way you've worded it.
I hope you don't mind but I've picked up some small glitches. Please ignore my suggestions if you'd rather.
I got up to see if the local paper was sitting on the counter and it was, so I picked it up and turned to walk back to my table when I saw her. - I might have rearranged this. 'I got up to see if the local paper was sitting on the counter and it was. I picked it up and was turning to walk back to my table when I saw her.' But it's just personal preference.
about �??�?�¾" wide - I think if you go into 'edit' and correct this, it will stay corrected.
I turned around to see who see was looking at - 'who she was ...'
Oh Boy. - lower case for 'boy'
I wish the paper was larger - should it be 'I wished'?
She stated, "Been a while, Huh?"
"A while since you jumped into life and took a chance on something you didn't know how it would turn out "she softly spoke - there is an extra space after 'out'
thru clear lip gloss - spelling - through
At first I had the sensation of falling - comma after 'first'
I might have reversed the order of the following: 'Time compresses and expands throughout the universe it is stated in the science books' and made it 'It is stated in the science books that time compresses and expands throughout the universe'
I knew she sensed I was completely and utterly lost right now and then said, "Hi." - You've used past tense all the way so I might have said 'I knew she sensed that, at that moment, I was completely and utterly lost, and then said, "Hi." rather than using 'right now'
Her hand lowered back to rest on mine and I followed it all the way down while counting the fingers, there were five, not four like on the sarcastic and hateful cartoon villain characters. - period after 'fingers'
Suddenly my suit of armor I wore to protect my life, my heart was very heavy, - comma after 'heart'
"Are you ready? She softly spoke. - speech marks needed after 'ready'
It'll take too long, be too uncomfortable, be to disruptive, - should be 'too disruptive'
"No" I said again. - comma after 'no'
She said "No" this time and took both my hands in hers and stood me up and turned me to face her. - comma after 'hers', delete first 'and'
I knew that everybody in my coffee shop would be staring at us, but they weren't. - if they weren't looking at him maybe it should be 'I thought that everybody..'
I believe this cup of coffee - should be 'I believed'
I am so pleased I chanced across this. I'm sorry for only giving four stars but I'm happy to give five after a few edits have been made.
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2019
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This is beautifully written and you've captured the anxieties of the man pulled out of his comfort zone really well. It is SO believeable simply because of the way you've worded it.
I hope you don't mind but I've picked up some small glitches. Please ignore my suggestions if you'd rather.
I got up to see if the local paper was sitting on the counter and it was, so I picked it up and turned to walk back to my table when I saw her. - I might have rearranged this. 'I got up to see if the local paper was sitting on the counter and it was. I picked it up and was turning to walk back to my table when I saw her.' But it's just personal preference.
about �??�?�¾" wide - I think if you go into 'edit' and correct this, it will stay corrected.
I turned around to see who see was looking at - 'who she was ...'
Oh Boy. - lower case for 'boy'
I wish the paper was larger - should it be 'I wished'?
She stated, "Been a while, Huh?"
"A while since you jumped into life and took a chance on something you didn't know how it would turn out "she softly spoke - there is an extra space after 'out'
thru clear lip gloss - spelling - through
At first I had the sensation of falling - comma after 'first'
I might have reversed the order of the following: 'Time compresses and expands throughout the universe it is stated in the science books' and made it 'It is stated in the science books that time compresses and expands throughout the universe'
I knew she sensed I was completely and utterly lost right now and then said, "Hi." - You've used past tense all the way so I might have said 'I knew she sensed that, at that moment, I was completely and utterly lost, and then said, "Hi." rather than using 'right now'
Her hand lowered back to rest on mine and I followed it all the way down while counting the fingers, there were five, not four like on the sarcastic and hateful cartoon villain characters. - period after 'fingers'
Suddenly my suit of armor I wore to protect my life, my heart was very heavy, - comma after 'heart'
"Are you ready? She softly spoke. - speech marks needed after 'ready'
It'll take too long, be too uncomfortable, be to disruptive, - should be 'too disruptive'
"No" I said again. - comma after 'no'
She said "No" this time and took both my hands in hers and stood me up and turned me to face her. - comma after 'hers', delete first 'and'
I knew that everybody in my coffee shop would be staring at us, but they weren't. - if they weren't looking at him maybe it should be 'I thought that everybody..'
I believe this cup of coffee - should be 'I believed'
I am so pleased I chanced across this. I'm sorry for only giving four stars but I'm happy to give five after a few edits have been made.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2019
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I?ll do some editing today. In my 8 years on this site I?ve never received a 4 before....
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thanks again for taking the time to read my work. I had reread it again and fixed many off the items you mentioned but went back and adjusted the rest. Again, thank you for your most kind words about my story..Mossmouse
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I've been picked up before, for giving a '4'. To those people, I now give a '5' whether I think their writing is worthy of it or not. After all, they're only stars.
I haven't been here long but the guidelines say a '5' should be given for 'excellent, enjoyable, no revisions needed'. There were quite a few revisions needed so I gave a '4'. I did say I was happy to give a '5' after some adjustments. I'm sorry if you weren't happy about getting a '4'. In my defence, I did say a lot of nice things about it.
Comment from zanya
Such a beautiful romantic encounter -in our otherwise crazy world !!- it's simply a joy to read - how brave of you to share this moment with your readers - such effective language 'this cardboard person' -loved it !!
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2019
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Such a beautiful romantic encounter -in our otherwise crazy world !!- it's simply a joy to read - how brave of you to share this moment with your readers - such effective language 'this cardboard person' -loved it !!
Comment Written 22-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2019
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Thank you for the awesome comments Zanya. I appreciate you taking the time to read my words. I had more than 1 comment on the cardboard person phrase. Be blessed and thank you...Mossmouse
Comment from Cindy Warren
Ah, I'm glad that lady showed up. It's easy to shut down and stop living. If you take a chance, you might get hurt. If you don't take a chance, you'll become like Evan. Better to take the risk.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2019
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Ah, I'm glad that lady showed up. It's easy to shut down and stop living. If you take a chance, you might get hurt. If you don't take a chance, you'll become like Evan. Better to take the risk.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2019
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Thank you so much for your kind words! There are more Evan?s out there than anyone realizes. Again, thank you for reading and reviewing my work...Mossmouse
Comment from Flyaway1
I liked the story. It wrote itself very easily. The idea of someone walking into your life to take you back in time and yet the idea of a better future. There is a gentleness to this encounter. This woman teaching out to you to rejoin life and engage. In many ways- Writing has helped me to start looking at my past and future together. Pain and hope.
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2019
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I liked the story. It wrote itself very easily. The idea of someone walking into your life to take you back in time and yet the idea of a better future. There is a gentleness to this encounter. This woman teaching out to you to rejoin life and engage. In many ways- Writing has helped me to start looking at my past and future together. Pain and hope.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2019
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You are very astute my lady! Writing will expose your misbeliefs, as I call them. When one is writing and there are tears running down your cheeks, you are truly in touch with yourself. Be blessed today...Mossmouse
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You are very astute my lady! Writing will expose your misbeliefs, as I call them. When one is writing and there are tears running down your cheeks, you are truly in touch with yourself. Be blessed today...Mossmouse
Comment from l.raven
Hi MossMouse, do you believe in love at first sight???...that to me is a special love...the real deal...but has to be felt between both people...it is a love like no other...and can only grow through the years...rare...but true...do I believe lightening could strike twice ???...yes I do...but how that second love would be received...would be measured by why I lost the first one...love can be the most painful feeling in someone's life...or it can be amazing...everlasting...
when you know you feel safe...secure...truly loved...reach for the stars...I love your story told....and hope and pray this will be your second strike of lightening...very well written...love Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2019
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Hi MossMouse, do you believe in love at first sight???...that to me is a special love...the real deal...but has to be felt between both people...it is a love like no other...and can only grow through the years...rare...but true...do I believe lightening could strike twice ???...yes I do...but how that second love would be received...would be measured by why I lost the first one...love can be the most painful feeling in someone's life...or it can be amazing...everlasting...
when you know you feel safe...secure...truly loved...reach for the stars...I love your story told....and hope and pray this will be your second strike of lightening...very well written...love Linda xxoo
Comment Written 19-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2019
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Linda, that was one of the most heartfelt reviews I have ever received and I am genuinely touched by your words. I pray many blessings on your life and again thank you so very much.
Mossmouse
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Hi Mossmouse, you are so very welcome...and I thank you so very much for your blessings...God Bless...love xxoo
Comment from Bill Pinder
This is an amazing story that is very well written and very believable. It's even more amazing that this was a real life story. Great description of feeling like a cardboard person who didn't want any spontaneity.
Bill
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2019
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This is an amazing story that is very well written and very believable. It's even more amazing that this was a real life story. Great description of feeling like a cardboard person who didn't want any spontaneity.
Bill
Comment Written 19-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 20-Nov-2019
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Bill, I appreciate you noticing the subtleties in my writings and I truly appreciate you taking the time to both read them and comment on them. Thank you so very much.
Mossmouse
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
such an intriguing story. What happened to the mischievous lady that you met? It seems she became a part of your life....good luck in the contest with this story. Was fun to read.
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2019
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such an intriguing story. What happened to the mischievous lady that you met? It seems she became a part of your life....good luck in the contest with this story. Was fun to read.
Comment Written 19-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2019
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As a matter of fact we are going out and we shall see...its slow and sure this time...thank you so much for your positive comments. Just out of curiosity, what did it need to be an exceptional work?
