Comment from rama devi

Excellent

I missed this one when you posted it. It's so effective. Great tone and tenor. GReat message. I love how it shows rather than tells. LOVE the closing line too. AHA effect is great.

Line one is an awesome metaphor:

Everyone has their hands in their pockets.


On first read, I thought of asking you to trim out Keep off the grass...but on second read I felt it satirically strong enough to keep in, in spite of being cliche--and perhaps BECAUSE of it!

This poem somehow does not feel like your usual voice and style. I love seeing your versatility.

Best,
rd

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2020

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reply by the author on 10-Jan-2020

Thanks so much for your excellent review of this piece. Silence actually belongs to the first collection of poetry I wrote back around 1985-1995, so it does have that earlier style and is a bit simplified in construction. I was learning the craft at that time, and felt that spared down was better. I think it shows the heavy influence of Yeats and Heaney in my work at that time. But I do feel there is something to these earlier pieces and I often go back and read them sometimes. Its nice to remember where you came from....estory

reply by rama devi on 10-Jan-2020

Wow, that's a long time ago! I love to rewrite old pieces!

Warmly, rd

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi estory. I came in late to this, but that doesn't mean I don't want to comment. I think you are particularly at writing this form of free verse. It's really very very good. I'm right there beside you. Very well written. All best. Ulla:))

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2019

Thanks so much for the excellent review and all the continued support for my work. I am glad that the form seemed to work for you. I was just starting out writing at this time, and trying to find my voice. It is a long process of sorting out influences and listening to works for you in the music of language and the handling of images. The pared down style and images made the poem, I think. estory

reply by Ulla on 15-Nov-2019

Absolutely.You've expressed that so well:)

Comment from JanetRussek

Excellent

I like it! I don't know of anyone who hasn't experienced some of these feelings. What a great piece. I look forward to reading your next work.
Janet

 Comment Written 13-Nov-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2019

Thanks so much for the excellent review and I am glad the poem seemed to resonate so well for you in your own life experiences. estory

Comment from juliaSjames

Excellent

Yes I can tell this was written by a young poet. The ideas are there and the emotion, feeling of isolation.

I know I felt gauche and disconnected when I was young.

There's also the feeling in the poem that society is cold and rule based. Restricting freedom. I understand the frustration.

Silence as a title, brings to mind the iconic "Sound of Silence".

Thanks for sharing your past with readers.

Blessings Julia

 Comment Written 12-Nov-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Nov-2019

Thanks so much for the excellent review and I am glad that the poem seemed to strike a chord that I thought it might strike, particularly since it was written so long ago when I was still fooling around with forms and styles and images. In those days I wrote what I read. estory

Comment from Sallyo

Excellent

Interesting... being isolated within the crowd, which is presumably composed of people in the same situation as the narrator. I like the brevity and clarity of this piece.

 Comment Written 12-Nov-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019

Thanks for the excellent review and the interesting comments and perspective. This is kind of a modernist minimalist piece early in my study of poetry. I was very into this idea of the isolation of the individual and the contrast between self perception and societal interaction. estory

Comment from dmt1967

Excellent

This is a very good poem and one we can all relate to. I used to think waiting was a waste of time as well. This is a well written poem and thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 12-Nov-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019

Thanks for the excellent review and the wonderful comments supporting the poem estory

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

A poem that demonstrates the hold that social mores can have. There is both the young man's need to conform here, and his need to break out. The short lines and simple wording serve to accentuate the inner tension.

 Comment Written 12-Nov-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019

Thanks so much for the excellent review and your wonderful comments and perspective on the poem. I think you got exactly what I was trying to get across, that wall between inner perception and the frustration at sharing it with the people around you estory

Comment from Iza Deleanu

Excellent

Silence in free verse adds a lot of mystery to the poem. Your conclusion as painful as it seems it brings up the reality of our lives - light a cigarette write on the windows.

 Comment Written 12-Nov-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019

Thanks so much for the excellent review and your wonderful comments and perspective on the poem. I'm glad you liked those closing lines, I thought those images really captured the feeling of frustration with communication I was trying to get across. estory

Comment from Teri7

Excellent

This is a very well written free verse poem you have penned titled silence. You used very good descriptive words. I enjoyed reading and reviewing this. I saw no errors or spag. Blessings, Teri

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019

Thanks for the excellent review and your wonderful comments supporting this little poem estory

Comment from Silhouette 24

Excellent

Excellent write, indeed. I agree. That is the way of society. Where I'm from its the way you survive. Move around and about as much as you'd like but be sure to disturb nothing and no one. If you want to live.

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 Comment Written 11-Nov-2019

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reply by the author on 12-Nov-2019

Thanks for the excellent review and your interesting perspective on the poem. Today I think more than ever the individual is isolated by technology and the social decorum that technology creates, the lack of social interaction that creates all this loneliness estory