The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "The Piper, Part 24"Young Adult Fantasy
21 total reviews
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Interesting. You seem to lead us one way with Summerstorm claiming to be Piper's father. Is he or not? We want to believe it's true, but Burkehart seems so convinced he's being lured away.
Very creative way you had Burkehart distracted. Great element to add in.
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Interesting. You seem to lead us one way with Summerstorm claiming to be Piper's father. Is he or not? We want to believe it's true, but Burkehart seems so convinced he's being lured away.
Very creative way you had Burkehart distracted. Great element to add in.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 31-Jul-2023
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2023
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Hi again Rhonda,
Wow. You're about half-way through. It's interesting to see what questions you have and what you enjoyed.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review this.
Debi
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I?m having lots of fun, lol. It really does help to read it without other interruptions, and I do love to see where I have left reviews!
Comment from May 1
He seems so eager to protect Piper, I wonder what he will do when he finds out the truth. Honestly, I am glad Burkehart has failed, he sounds like a relatively good man trying to help but I feel he is too biased to be of help to anyone.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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He seems so eager to protect Piper, I wonder what he will do when he finds out the truth. Honestly, I am glad Burkehart has failed, he sounds like a relatively good man trying to help but I feel he is too biased to be of help to anyone.
Comment Written 04-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2020
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Hi May 1,
Thank you for your analysis and comments on Burkehart. Yes, he has his biases and he doesn't mind sharing them.
Comment from Sandra Ludwick
Thank you for sharing your thoughts through your story. It was very entertaining and I enjoyed reading it. The story held my interest through the entire chapter. Good luck.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2019
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts through your story. It was very entertaining and I enjoyed reading it. The story held my interest through the entire chapter. Good luck.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2019
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I am so glad you enjoyed the story. Thank you for comments and the good luck wishes.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Five stars for sure, maybe six, but I must let you know. This is the first story that made enough sense ( even starting some where in the middle of it ) that I found not only intriguing but readable as well! I will look forward to your next post. WELL WRITTEN regards Suzanna
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2019
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Five stars for sure, maybe six, but I must let you know. This is the first story that made enough sense ( even starting some where in the middle of it ) that I found not only intriguing but readable as well! I will look forward to your next post. WELL WRITTEN regards Suzanna
Comment Written 03-Oct-2019
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2019
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Hi Suzanna,
How delightful to find your review this morning, especially since I didn't have anything active.
Thank you so much for the encouraging comments. I am so honored that you liked the story so much.
Have a wonderful day.
Debi
Comment from Cindy Warren
Is it true Piper has Fae relatives? My guess is that it is not. It must be confusing not to know your relatives and be vulnerable to a trick like that. Perhaps it's his music they like. I'm interested to see if the Captain can find him.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Is it true Piper has Fae relatives? My guess is that it is not. It must be confusing not to know your relatives and be vulnerable to a trick like that. Perhaps it's his music they like. I'm interested to see if the Captain can find him.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Hi Cindy,
Thank you so much for taking time to read and review. I love your comments. They made me smile.
Debi
Comment from Pam (respa)
-You haven't lost your touch, Debi.
-I loved this chapter and seeing
Burkehart so intent on finding Piper,
and hoping to rescue him.
-We still don't know who is really the good guy,
and who is the deceitful one because both
parties have a vested interest in Piper and his abilities.
-I get the feeling, though, that Burkehart
really cares for the boy, and I am not sure
Summerstorm's interest is the same.
-The appearance of his son is interesting,
but there are hints given by Burkehart that
Piper might not be that thrilled.
-Even with his good intentions, the fae have
managed to elude Burkehart once more.
-I enjoy this story so much, and only want more!
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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-You haven't lost your touch, Debi.
-I loved this chapter and seeing
Burkehart so intent on finding Piper,
and hoping to rescue him.
-We still don't know who is really the good guy,
and who is the deceitful one because both
parties have a vested interest in Piper and his abilities.
-I get the feeling, though, that Burkehart
really cares for the boy, and I am not sure
Summerstorm's interest is the same.
-The appearance of his son is interesting,
but there are hints given by Burkehart that
Piper might not be that thrilled.
-Even with his good intentions, the fae have
managed to elude Burkehart once more.
-I enjoy this story so much, and only want more!
Comment Written 29-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Hi Pam,
Thank you so much for the six stars and especially for your encouraging comments. I appreciate your continuing to follow the story. Thank you for your patience, too. I've had computer problems that delayed the posting by several weeks as I worked through it.
Who has good intentions and who doesn't. Piper will have to find out.
Debi
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Debi. Seems like computer problems get all of us now and then. I guess Piper will, but until then it is fun to guess. You do a good job of keeping us in suspense!
Comment from Bill Pinder
Excellent writing that is creative and has a good flow to keep the readers interest. Thanks for sharing this chapter and I look forward to the next one.
Bill
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Excellent writing that is creative and has a good flow to keep the readers interest. Thanks for sharing this chapter and I look forward to the next one.
Bill
Comment Written 29-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Hi Bill,
Thank you for the generous six stars. I appreciate the encouragement and the support.
Debi
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, I think I've said it before that I'm not into fantasy stories, but this is drawing me in. I'm still getting my head around it all. I'm enjoying it. I only found this:
not since he had located and began following Piper and Summerstorm. = not since he had located and begun following Piper and Summerstorm.
All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Hi there, I think I've said it before that I'm not into fantasy stories, but this is drawing me in. I'm still getting my head around it all. I'm enjoying it. I only found this:
not since he had located and began following Piper and Summerstorm. = not since he had located and begun following Piper and Summerstorm.
All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 29-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Hi Ulla,
Thank you for pointing out that SPAG. I can't believe I missed it.
I think it is a great compliment that you don't like fantasy, but you are enjoying the story anyway. It makes me smile to hear that.
Debi
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Another excellent post in this very well-written and engaging story. Nice interactions displayed between the Captain and Fae, letting us see sides to both characters and their motivations.
nice work
G
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Hi there,
Another excellent post in this very well-written and engaging story. Nice interactions displayed between the Captain and Fae, letting us see sides to both characters and their motivations.
nice work
G
Comment Written 29-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Hi Giraffmang,
Thank you for the wonderful six stars and for continuing to follow the story. I appreciate you support so much.
Debi
Comment from Alex Rosel
This is an easy read. The narrative has an appropriate pace, and you sentence structure works well {smiles}.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
No sense attracting unwanted attention from pointed-eared creatures with the noise. -- If this was mine, I'd omit the "with the noise". For me, it's too much telling, and it doesn't allow your reader the space to engage by imagining much about the movement. Just a personal preference...
Instead, he rolled his shoulders, rubbed his neck and exhaled in frustration. -- I'd also omit the "Instead". It's implied, and it's inclusion links this to the previous paragraph and that make the paragraph break a disjoint.
He only heard the creaking of his leather uniform and his own breathing. -- This is a nice narrative snippet. It adds to the tension {smiles}.
Oh, why did the boy have to purchase new boots and wear them today? -- Elsewhere you've used italics for inner thoughts.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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This is an easy read. The narrative has an appropriate pace, and you sentence structure works well {smiles}.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
No sense attracting unwanted attention from pointed-eared creatures with the noise. -- If this was mine, I'd omit the "with the noise". For me, it's too much telling, and it doesn't allow your reader the space to engage by imagining much about the movement. Just a personal preference...
Instead, he rolled his shoulders, rubbed his neck and exhaled in frustration. -- I'd also omit the "Instead". It's implied, and it's inclusion links this to the previous paragraph and that make the paragraph break a disjoint.
He only heard the creaking of his leather uniform and his own breathing. -- This is a nice narrative snippet. It adds to the tension {smiles}.
Oh, why did the boy have to purchase new boots and wear them today? -- Elsewhere you've used italics for inner thoughts.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2019
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
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Hi Alex Rosel,
Thank you for taking the time to do a careful read and give such detailed feedback, both of what worked and what needs to be corrected. It means so much to me. I have made the corrections you suggested and find it reads better.
Debi
