The Vibration of Breathing
You are a child of the universe.18 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
This philosophical poem about the make up of the body is also a metaphor for life in general. Life surrounds us we need to breathe it in and enjoy. Dream dreams and act on them. Hope is always important no matter how confused you are about life.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2019
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This philosophical poem about the make up of the body is also a metaphor for life in general. Life surrounds us we need to breathe it in and enjoy. Dream dreams and act on them. Hope is always important no matter how confused you are about life.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 04-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jul-2019
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Thank you very much for this review... I agree with you about hope and dreams. xx
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You are most kindly welcome, Lisa.
Joan
Comment from Joan E.
I admire your being as curious as Leonardo da Vinci and using his illustration to establish the mood for your poem. I particularly liked your urging us to "Amaze" and "Aspire". Here's to "an upright life" and best wishes in the Poem of the Month competition- Joan
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2019
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I admire your being as curious as Leonardo da Vinci and using his illustration to establish the mood for your poem. I particularly liked your urging us to "Amaze" and "Aspire". Here's to "an upright life" and best wishes in the Poem of the Month competition- Joan
Comment Written 02-Jul-2019
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2019
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Thank you so much for your welcome review. I was delighted to be nominated in the PoM comp. I really appreciate your affirming comments.
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Congratulations on having your poem selected for the contest. Cheers- Joan
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:))
Comment from Mark Valentine
So much to love about this one. To begin with, the subject matter - doesn't get any loftier than this. The there are the great word choices that have layered meanings, from "body of knowledge" to "Amaze (a maze) in our brain", to the last word "aspire" which carries the breathing metaphor to a rousing climax - you can tell that a lot of thought went into this one.
And the message soars - there's more to our existence than our animal nature, "crawling on all fours through the mire". Our true nature is to transcend this mechanical level of existence and aspire.
The there's the writing. You use alliteration to great effect throughout. The second stanza has an awesome sound and flow to it.
Beautifully put from start to finish!
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
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So much to love about this one. To begin with, the subject matter - doesn't get any loftier than this. The there are the great word choices that have layered meanings, from "body of knowledge" to "Amaze (a maze) in our brain", to the last word "aspire" which carries the breathing metaphor to a rousing climax - you can tell that a lot of thought went into this one.
And the message soars - there's more to our existence than our animal nature, "crawling on all fours through the mire". Our true nature is to transcend this mechanical level of existence and aspire.
The there's the writing. You use alliteration to great effect throughout. The second stanza has an awesome sound and flow to it.
Beautifully put from start to finish!
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
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So much to love about your review, Mark. You are the reviewer who has understood it most (or at least gone to the most bother of sharing what works best for you in it). My framework for the poem began while pondering the Latin phrase 'Cogito, ergo sum'
(I think, therefore I am) that Descartes (17th century French philosopher) arrived at for a statement that could not be doubted. He found that he could not doubt that he himself existed, as he was the one doing the doubting in the first place.
Initially, I had that phrase as the concluding line, but then the lightbulb 'Aspire' hit me, to link it back to breathing. The Latin phrase would have taken too long to explain in footnotes and looked too academic anyway. Once I got underway with this one, I felt like I could have written about several other organs (especially stomach and alimentary canal) but enough is enough. I'll save it for another poem!
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about the things in life that make us keep breathing through our pains and our pleasures. Life always offers something worthy to live till tomorroiw.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
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A very well-written poem about the things in life that make us keep breathing through our pains and our pleasures. Life always offers something worthy to live till tomorroiw.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
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Thanks for visiting my poem, Sandra. Here's to life!
Comment from Sankey
Well done a really great read. Interesting philosophy throughout. I have seen that picture around for years and I am pleased to know from whence it came.Good artwork. Glad SIXES are back too.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
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Well done a really great read. Interesting philosophy throughout. I have seen that picture around for years and I am pleased to know from whence it came.Good artwork. Glad SIXES are back too.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2019
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You honour me with your 6! I am pleased you are enjoying my poetry and tuning in to the underlying philosophy.
Comment from Artasylum
This was (if I can offer up a silly word) delightful and a real treat to read... I enjoyed each stanza as it propelled the reader to its conclusion... Aspre... great job. yours, di
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2019
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This was (if I can offer up a silly word) delightful and a real treat to read... I enjoyed each stanza as it propelled the reader to its conclusion... Aspre... great job. yours, di
Comment Written 23-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2019
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I like delightful: it delights me delightfully and deliciously that you found my poem a treat! Thank you sincerely.
Comment from lyenochka
Very cool free verse, LisaMay! I also admire Leonard da Vinci. I like how you start with this famous drawing and draw from it reflections about human striving and life and end with a call to "aspire."
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2019
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Very cool free verse, LisaMay! I also admire Leonard da Vinci. I like how you start with this famous drawing and draw from it reflections about human striving and life and end with a call to "aspire."
Comment Written 23-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2019
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Wonderful review! I think learning about Leonardo had a major influence on me during my formative years. I like reading about people who try to draw conclusions and link ideas such as nature, art, mathematics, the spiritual etc. (although obviously the spiritual is part of every equation).
Comment from poetwatch
I admire your understanding of his works, LisaMay. He was a man ahead of his time. It is good to know he wasn't executed as a heretic or as a witch. He gave wings to Plato, (I think) the desire to fly to the Wrong Brothers. :) And First Class to many. I sit by the wings and "gasp, seeing stars." :) Good write woman.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2019
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I admire your understanding of his works, LisaMay. He was a man ahead of his time. It is good to know he wasn't executed as a heretic or as a witch. He gave wings to Plato, (I think) the desire to fly to the Wrong Brothers. :) And First Class to many. I sit by the wings and "gasp, seeing stars." :) Good write woman.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2019
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Leonardo is my hero... I was given 2 volumes of his illustrated notebooks when I was 15 and they have had a big impact on me. (It is possible that a guy in NZ flew before the Wright Bros - Richard William Pearse.) I am glad my poem made you "gasp, seeing stars." You like to bring a smile to people, I hope to think I can elicit a gasp.
Comment from LyndaS
Holy crap, girl!! This is amazing. Soooo well written. Again, how dare you make me think. I loved "surface to soul" and "perplex your cortex". What I liked about this is that you describe the life science of our bodies and compare it to the mystery of the intangible also dwelling within. Really well done, Sis! Loved it all. Lynda
PS. As you are a prolific writer, save some of these nuggets for contests. This would have kicked ass.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2019
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Holy crap, girl!! This is amazing. Soooo well written. Again, how dare you make me think. I loved "surface to soul" and "perplex your cortex". What I liked about this is that you describe the life science of our bodies and compare it to the mystery of the intangible also dwelling within. Really well done, Sis! Loved it all. Lynda
PS. As you are a prolific writer, save some of these nuggets for contests. This would have kicked ass.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2019
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I agree with you!! I was delighted when this one began to take shape.
Thanks for your identification with the intangible complexities of our embodiment, and your benevolence of stars.
Regarding contests: I hardly ever see topics that my poems fit; I guess I should think up topics myself and get others to enter. Whenever I've done that though, I usually lose (to DS hahaha)
(Congrats on your fine win for 5-7-5)
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Thank you! He's teaching me how to write "purdy". LOL! I am woefully behind in reviewing. Working on some lyrics...putting me further behind in my reviewing. LOL
This was a great write, sweetie!
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aint 'purdy' a great word! I'll be interested to see those lyrics soon. xx
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I don't know about "soon". Still have plenty of time. I hate when I spend a half hour looking for just the perfect word. Time to take a break. Perhaps if I wasn't so ANAL...
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Don't give yourself a 'bum' rap, dear one.
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HA! HA! HA! Welcome back. Missed you. HA!
Comment from DragonSkulls
Wow. So I see you write a fantastic piece like this and here it's not in a contest. Dang. Lol. This was an excellent work, Lisa. This is the poetry I like reading, deep, meaningful and with purpose. You're right, we're meant to walk upright. I don't really care for the background color but that's nothing. I'm in awe, Lisa. Again, fantastic write. Read it a couple times now and love every line. Have a great day.
Ron
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2019
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Wow. So I see you write a fantastic piece like this and here it's not in a contest. Dang. Lol. This was an excellent work, Lisa. This is the poetry I like reading, deep, meaningful and with purpose. You're right, we're meant to walk upright. I don't really care for the background color but that's nothing. I'm in awe, Lisa. Again, fantastic write. Read it a couple times now and love every line. Have a great day.
Ron
Comment Written 23-Jun-2019
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2019
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And this is the poetry I like writing... though I can sink to the depths of shallow crap sometimes, haha, deep and meaningful is much more rewarding. And so it has come to pass: a galaxy of stars as a reward from you. Thanks for that.
Contests hardly ever have topics that I relate to... I probably should set up my own topic (for you to beat me at)
Cheers, LM
