haiku (under the lime tree)
Haiku12 total reviews
Comment from strandregs
If I were a chicken quill, full of nightshade ink.
Waiting for the ink to spill, I'd go and have a drink.
I'd whisper to a sodden drip, I think I need to think.
But, full of drink, I can not think, I'm going for the sink.
Ha.
Yes I sound like the mouse in the teapot at mad tea party.
Well, there's nothing clever I can say about Haiku. :-))Z.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2019
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If I were a chicken quill, full of nightshade ink.
Waiting for the ink to spill, I'd go and have a drink.
I'd whisper to a sodden drip, I think I need to think.
But, full of drink, I can not think, I'm going for the sink.
Ha.
Yes I sound like the mouse in the teapot at mad tea party.
Well, there's nothing clever I can say about Haiku. :-))Z.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2019
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Join the club! No fair that you have to write a review longer than the original poem.
I just try to channel the great haiku masters, whoever they may be. I'm pretty sure it's not you!
Steve
Comment from LisaMay
I like the apparent simplicity of this haiku, while hinting at other connections. The writer is observing the hens then feels the urge to scratch away himself, looking to unearth something tasty for his poetic nourishment.
I love watching chickens. i don't have any myself but i do enjoy watching a flock of feral ones that have taken up residence at a nearby scenic lookout. They are doing very well for themselves with picnickers' handouts.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2019
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I like the apparent simplicity of this haiku, while hinting at other connections. The writer is observing the hens then feels the urge to scratch away himself, looking to unearth something tasty for his poetic nourishment.
I love watching chickens. i don't have any myself but i do enjoy watching a flock of feral ones that have taken up residence at a nearby scenic lookout. They are doing very well for themselves with picnickers' handouts.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2019
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Thank you. Whenever I read any 'real' haiku I am struck by their simplicity, so yes, this was a genuine attempt to go against my other instinct which is to fancy up the language. We do have chickens - a few old biddies who don't really lay any more and two new babies - all that survived from a dozen fertile eggs we bought when one of the old ones went broody. They are cute!
Steve
Comment from LIJ Red
I think Haiku should be forgotten, because kigo flips at the Line...just kidding, there is so much in the saijiki, it shouldn't matter....and the more I read the less I know, so I retire from the field...excellent post.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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I think Haiku should be forgotten, because kigo flips at the Line...just kidding, there is so much in the saijiki, it shouldn't matter....and the more I read the less I know, so I retire from the field...excellent post.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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... and nevertheless In try to do the right thing by the form! Thanks for reviewing.
Steve
Comment from humpwhistle
So, should I expect you to scratch out a worm story next? That would be an interesting POV.
A peaceful sort of cause and effect hinted at here.
I also read deeper and see a connection between the land, the critters and the writer. Sort of a chain of inspiration.
Can't go wrong with birds and worms!
Best of luck, Steve.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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So, should I expect you to scratch out a worm story next? That would be an interesting POV.
A peaceful sort of cause and effect hinted at here.
I also read deeper and see a connection between the land, the critters and the writer. Sort of a chain of inspiration.
Can't go wrong with birds and worms!
Best of luck, Steve.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 14-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019
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Thanks - I needed that.
Next ting you know everyone will be writing about birds and worms. One reviewer didn't know that chickens ate worms - talk about a sheltered life. Thank you for looking past the obvious.
Steve
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Everything I've learned about the natural world began with birds and worms.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a fine nature Haiku which is quite animated with the chickens scratching for fat worms! I had no idea that they ate them! I enjoyed your words, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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This is a fine nature Haiku which is quite animated with the chickens scratching for fat worms! I had no idea that they ate them! I enjoyed your words, love Dolly x
Comment Written 14-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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Oh, Dolly, you must have led a sheltered life! Chickens will eat anything, including small birds and mammals (e.g. mice) if they can get them. They soon come running if they see you digging in the garden and hover around waiting for you to turn up something juicy.
Thanks for the lovely review.
Steve
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The thought they only ate seed! Ha ha ha, I have no clue, I?ve never kept a chicken, thank you for enlightening me, love Dolly x
Comment from rama devi
Perfect! Two concrete images and a clever satori...with assonance of A added in awesomely, along with alliterated P. True to form and a strong entry. Fine presentation too. Not reviewing much these days. Glad I caught this, as it brought a smile.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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Perfect! Two concrete images and a clever satori...with assonance of A added in awesomely, along with alliterated P. True to form and a strong entry. Fine presentation too. Not reviewing much these days. Glad I caught this, as it brought a smile.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 13-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Rama. I think this is one of my better efforts at this form - I like the implied comparison of the hens to the poet scratching away with his pen.
Glad you found time to review this. Take care.
Steve
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:-))) Super overextended lately, but I do spend at least a few minutes on FS daily. Only read a few posts and review one or two...
Comment from 24chas
This was a good write, Kiwisteveh. It answers everything in this piece. You saw something happen and were quick enough to pick up the pen and capture the inspiration. Good job.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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This was a good write, Kiwisteveh. It answers everything in this piece. You saw something happen and were quick enough to pick up the pen and capture the inspiration. Good job.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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Thank you. I made an effort to stick close to traditional haiku practice in this one. let's hope the judges appreciate it!
Steve
Comment from Y. M. Roger
So, now you will all be doing some 'scratching' of your own! :) ;) Hopefully, all parties will find something useful! :) ;) Thanx for sharing your wonderful and unique haiku, Kiwi -- best of luck in the contest! :) ;)
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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So, now you will all be doing some 'scratching' of your own! :) ;) Hopefully, all parties will find something useful! :) ;) Thanx for sharing your wonderful and unique haiku, Kiwi -- best of luck in the contest! :) ;)
Comment Written 13-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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Thank you. Glad you caught the implied comparison between the writer and the chickens!
Steve
Comment from HealingMuse
Hi Kiwi,
Ha ha! This is a really nice poem and a great contest entry. It is great that you write, sitting with your chickens. Nothing here to suggest revising. Best of luck and thanks for sharing. Jan :-)
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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Hi Kiwi,
Ha ha! This is a really nice poem and a great contest entry. It is great that you write, sitting with your chickens. Nothing here to suggest revising. Best of luck and thanks for sharing. Jan :-)
Comment Written 13-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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Thanks for the kind words, Jan.
Steve
Comment from lyenochka
A poet is inspired by so many different events, even the simple acts of chickens digging for worms under a lime tree. Nice kigo reference in the worms and the satori reference works well for an audience of writers.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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A poet is inspired by so many different events, even the simple acts of chickens digging for worms under a lime tree. Nice kigo reference in the worms and the satori reference works well for an audience of writers.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Helen.
I was quite pleased with the way this turned out. I shall forever think of myself as a scratching chicken now.
Steve
