Strength Within
Terza Rima11 total reviews
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Breathtaking, Steve. Not only the attention grabbing picture, but this beautiful terza rima as well. Looks like I saved this six just for you. This is a form I'm going to have to practice. Thank you for the instructions! :) Nancy
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Breathtaking, Steve. Not only the attention grabbing picture, but this beautiful terza rima as well. Looks like I saved this six just for you. This is a form I'm going to have to practice. Thank you for the instructions! :) Nancy
Comment Written 06-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2019
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Nancy, thanks for the enthusiastic review and the six stars. Several people have said they want to give this a go so I've pointed them towards two better instructors - Keats in "Ode to the West Wind" and Frost in "Acquainted With the Night." I do have a couple of others in my portfolio - "Visitor" - quite recent, inspired by Frost's poem and "Flight of Love" - you'd have to dig deep for that - it's from the end of 2016.
Maybe we should have a contest.
Steve
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I gotta learn to write one first, Steve. But a contest sounds like fun. Gotta go practice. :) Nancy
Comment from dragonpoet
This poem gives images of a strong castle fortress and brave nights fighting here in the past but now it is empty but still shows hope of staying alive. It could be a metaphor for a life coming together after
a hard time.
Hope it did well in the contest.
Keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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This poem gives images of a strong castle fortress and brave nights fighting here in the past but now it is empty but still shows hope of staying alive. It could be a metaphor for a life coming together after
a hard time.
Hope it did well in the contest.
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 04-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Joan.
Yes, as you suspected, this is really about someone recovering from tragedy in their life.
Steve
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My pleasure.
~Joan
Comment from Dawn Munro
There's not a lot that I can say about this masterful use of the poetry form because I have never written one. Despite your wonderful notes, I wouldn't dare, would I...? But S6, L3, I stumbled slightly -- is it just me?
Regardles, Steve, this is incredible poetry I intend to store in my bookcase to teach me how to write a Terza rima -- it is so beautiful! Take my last six! (And best of luck in the contest.)
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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There's not a lot that I can say about this masterful use of the poetry form because I have never written one. Despite your wonderful notes, I wouldn't dare, would I...? But S6, L3, I stumbled slightly -- is it just me?
Regardles, Steve, this is incredible poetry I intend to store in my bookcase to teach me how to write a Terza rima -- it is so beautiful! Take my last six! (And best of luck in the contest.)
Comment Written 04-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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Dawn, thanks so much for the glowing review and the six stars.
I think the issue in St 6 is with the word 'respite' - try saying it with the stress of the first syllable - RES-pit
Take a look at Shelley's Ode to the West Wind or Frost's Acquainted with the night for good examples of Terza Rima.
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Of course! RESpit works. That's great. And you're welcome.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I have one suggestion here, Steve, and that would be to change the word 'respite' to 'closure' for a smoother meter.
You did a very good job with this terza rima. I don't recall seeing this form before. That seems unlikely doesn't it, perhaps I never read one that I liked this much. Well done. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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I have one suggestion here, Steve, and that would be to change the word 'respite' to 'closure' for a smoother meter.
You did a very good job with this terza rima. I don't recall seeing this form before. That seems unlikely doesn't it, perhaps I never read one that I liked this much. Well done. Nancy:)
Comment Written 04-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Nancy.
A couple of people have stumbled over 'respite' - there are alternative pronunciations and here you need to put the stress on the first syllable - RES-pit
Shelley's Ode to the West Wind is the most famous poem in Terza Rima. Much better than some of the 'made-up' forms we do see oin FS.
Steve
Comment from Sasha
No matter how hard I try, I find it impossible to understand the all too many rules to the all too many styles of poetry. Clearly I have a missing synapse that refuses to store this information. The good news is, that it doesn't keep me from enjoying what I find as excellent poetry. I enjoyed this one very much. It flowed smoothly and had excellent rhythm and rhyme. Thank you for sharing this one with us.
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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No matter how hard I try, I find it impossible to understand the all too many rules to the all too many styles of poetry. Clearly I have a missing synapse that refuses to store this information. The good news is, that it doesn't keep me from enjoying what I find as excellent poetry. I enjoyed this one very much. It flowed smoothly and had excellent rhythm and rhyme. Thank you for sharing this one with us.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 06-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Sasha. Yes, there are many forms. perhaps we should delete some of the more ridiculous made-up ones we see and stick to these more tried and true.
Steve
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I wish I had a six for you, this is so well wrttten and profound, the last line is magical to sum up the whole journey here, rich imagery and real emotion. I have never written a Terza Rima, but I feel one coming on after reading yours, you did a sterling job here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2019
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I wish I had a six for you, this is so well wrttten and profound, the last line is magical to sum up the whole journey here, rich imagery and real emotion. I have never written a Terza Rima, but I feel one coming on after reading yours, you did a sterling job here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 04-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Dolly. I am glad you appreciated this.
I see you've bookmarked it so I'm guessing you are serious about giving this form a go. The classic example is Shelley's "Ode to the West Wind" which is really a series of these strung together. I've written a few of these now and I've pasted "Flight of Love" below, but you will also find "Visitor" near the top of my portfolio. That is modelled on Frost's "Acquainted with the night" which you can google.
Steve
Flight of Love
You lift me up on summer's golden wings.
My feather-fancy heart, in faintest breeze,
takes flight above the meadow. Sweet lark sings
his morning melody of streams and trees,
of dew-kissed grass, aglow with early rays.
Come fly with me, my love, as love decrees;
survey the splendour sun will set ablaze
with fiery stroke this solstice afternoon.
But now, the tasselled corn, in misty haze,
invites us with its coolness, and the croon
of lazy river whispers, "Come, be mine,"
as we, to one another, 'neath the moon,
did last night pledge our vows at Cupid's shrine.
See where the pheasant struts upon the lawn,
and speckled thrush peeks shyly from the vine.
At woodland's edge, there stands a timid fawn
in spotted beauty; graceful doe beside
keeps watch from shadow's safety. How the dawn
delights with each new vista, like a bride,
who blushes with enchantment, proud, and shy,
and bold. My bride, one truth can't be denied,
that love's sweet magic grants us power to fly.
Together let us soar then, till we die.
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Thank you for your reply and your extra poem, I shall give this a try over the weekend, love Dolly x
Comment from humpwhistle
Outstanding, Steve. I'm tempted to look for correlations to recent events, but I've decided to refrain. There's too much existing on the page for me to try to read between the lines. Still I expect you're spilling more than ink here.
You've created an entire atmosphere here. Even though you make a strong case for recovery, rebirth, I feel the foreboding wins out.
A lot of greeting card writers enter these rhyming contests. This is no Hallmark Moment.
Wave to me from the top of the podium.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2019
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Outstanding, Steve. I'm tempted to look for correlations to recent events, but I've decided to refrain. There's too much existing on the page for me to try to read between the lines. Still I expect you're spilling more than ink here.
You've created an entire atmosphere here. Even though you make a strong case for recovery, rebirth, I feel the foreboding wins out.
A lot of greeting card writers enter these rhyming contests. This is no Hallmark Moment.
Wave to me from the top of the podium.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 04-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2019
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Thank you. Wish I had your confidence, but if you and Rama both like it, it must have something going for it.
No, not really connected to anything real. It started out to be about someone who had lost a much loved partner, but then morphed into any life-shattering event.
I was going to call it 'Recovery' but my advice was that recovery (of the twelve steps variety anyway) is not about inner strength at all - it's about surrender to something greater than yourself.
Steve
Comment from lyenochka
Despite the melancholic tone, there is a strength that seems to grow out of living through a haunting past and despite uncertainties and constant change the survivor lives on. Well done, Steve.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2019
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Despite the melancholic tone, there is a strength that seems to grow out of living through a haunting past and despite uncertainties and constant change the survivor lives on. Well done, Steve.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2019
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Thanks, Helen. I started this thinking about someone whose partner had died, but by the time I got to the end it had become about anyone who had been through a life-shattering experience.
Steve
Comment from rama devi
Wow! What an impressive work,both in terms of substance (theme, imagery, delivery and emotional pitch) and in terms of craft (flowing rhymes and complex form penned with seamless mastery and an abundance of awesome alliteration, assonance and consonance. Loved reading this aloud. Superb flow. A six.
Favorite parts:
Unique line--imaginative:
for sun and moon and stars have broken free;
Superb S sounds and D too:
your clifftop fortress swept by swirling sea.
Eloquent voicing and apt imagery:
Oh, how can you survive when all is torn
as withered leaves in autumn from the tree?
Outstanding simile and extended metaphor medley here:
Defenceless as the orphan lamb, new-born,
you totter helpless through the wintry field,
assailed by biting wind and stabbing thorn
and blind to dangers in the dark concealed.
Well voiced (cliche, a bit, but so eloquent in delivery I loved reading this stanza):
But shadows fade; the sun will rise at last
and dress the world in hope, as his bright ray
brings respite from the terrors of the past.
Superb phonetics (especially F and S sounds:
The shackles of despair now fall away;
once more the coals of self-belief are fanned
to steady flames that warm the brand new day.
(One suggestion:)
once more(,) the coals of self-belief are fanned
Great closing couplet and end-note aha. Note spag suggestions:
Such strength within(,) which few can understand(,)
will build foundations strong from shifting sand.
Bravo!
This impressive work should prove a strong contender. Good luck.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2019
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Wow! What an impressive work,both in terms of substance (theme, imagery, delivery and emotional pitch) and in terms of craft (flowing rhymes and complex form penned with seamless mastery and an abundance of awesome alliteration, assonance and consonance. Loved reading this aloud. Superb flow. A six.
Favorite parts:
Unique line--imaginative:
for sun and moon and stars have broken free;
Superb S sounds and D too:
your clifftop fortress swept by swirling sea.
Eloquent voicing and apt imagery:
Oh, how can you survive when all is torn
as withered leaves in autumn from the tree?
Outstanding simile and extended metaphor medley here:
Defenceless as the orphan lamb, new-born,
you totter helpless through the wintry field,
assailed by biting wind and stabbing thorn
and blind to dangers in the dark concealed.
Well voiced (cliche, a bit, but so eloquent in delivery I loved reading this stanza):
But shadows fade; the sun will rise at last
and dress the world in hope, as his bright ray
brings respite from the terrors of the past.
Superb phonetics (especially F and S sounds:
The shackles of despair now fall away;
once more the coals of self-belief are fanned
to steady flames that warm the brand new day.
(One suggestion:)
once more(,) the coals of self-belief are fanned
Great closing couplet and end-note aha. Note spag suggestions:
Such strength within(,) which few can understand(,)
will build foundations strong from shifting sand.
Bravo!
This impressive work should prove a strong contender. Good luck.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 03-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2019
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Rama, thanks so much. I was a bit worried I might have overdone things here with the powerful imagery and how it fitted together, so I am relieved it gets your seal of approval!
I will take a look at the few nits you found.
Thanks again.
Steve
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Some people frown on mixed metaphors but I felt they were combined seamlessly. Not easy to do. Bravo!
Comment from Lance S. Loria
An eye-catching photo to enhance this poem. Two minor suggestions (not required adjustments): In the third paragraph, "stabbing thorn" seems a bit forced. Perhaps try: "and seasons mourn"
In the last sentence: strong from shifting sand" perhaps could be: "stronger than man's hand" Just word suggestions. Your poem was well-written. No other critique from me. Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2019
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An eye-catching photo to enhance this poem. Two minor suggestions (not required adjustments): In the third paragraph, "stabbing thorn" seems a bit forced. Perhaps try: "and seasons mourn"
In the last sentence: strong from shifting sand" perhaps could be: "stronger than man's hand" Just word suggestions. Your poem was well-written. No other critique from me. Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2019
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2019
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Lance, thanks for reviewing and for the suggestions. I have to admit I posted this in a rush to meet the deadline so it probably does need a further clean-up and check. I'll look at the two areas you mention.
Steve
