the boogeyman
halloween story6 total reviews
Comment from Kelly Grim
As always, you have some amazing and vivid imagery throughout -- "ghosts of the forest" and "flowery gossamer curtains billowed around her" and how wonderful is this sentence? "Its glowing green eyes illuminated the teeth of the thing, sharp as tungsten needles and dripping with foul, oozing saliva." You've successfully elicited real terror in me as you describe her running away from that awful beast! Great wary ending as well... Two quick typos in paragraph five... "The face was a darker brown than the trees between which she stood and." and then "This made sent her heart rate shoot up close..."
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As always, you have some amazing and vivid imagery throughout -- "ghosts of the forest" and "flowery gossamer curtains billowed around her" and how wonderful is this sentence? "Its glowing green eyes illuminated the teeth of the thing, sharp as tungsten needles and dripping with foul, oozing saliva." You've successfully elicited real terror in me as you describe her running away from that awful beast! Great wary ending as well... Two quick typos in paragraph five... "The face was a darker brown than the trees between which she stood and." and then "This made sent her heart rate shoot up close..."
Comment Written 06-Nov-2018
Comment from Thomas Bowling
the creature her parents said was the spawn of fables actually existed
Urban legends contain some truth. If they didn't they wouldn't be believable.
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the creature her parents said was the spawn of fables actually existed
Urban legends contain some truth. If they didn't they wouldn't be believable.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2018
Comment from humpwhistle
I like your story, but I think you can make adjustments.
First, break up those heavy bricks of type. Readers dread dense passages.
I suggest working in dialogue. Dialogue breaks up the bricks, and affords you an opportunity to tell you story with more than a single voice.
Miranda, you have a solid voice. Use it.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
I like the ice cream and filament references. Creative.
it goes without saying that she had a sheltered upbringing.--any time you're tempted to write 'it goes without saying' don't say it. Rule of thumb.
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I like your story, but I think you can make adjustments.
First, break up those heavy bricks of type. Readers dread dense passages.
I suggest working in dialogue. Dialogue breaks up the bricks, and affords you an opportunity to tell you story with more than a single voice.
Miranda, you have a solid voice. Use it.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
I like the ice cream and filament references. Creative.
it goes without saying that she had a sheltered upbringing.--any time you're tempted to write 'it goes without saying' don't say it. Rule of thumb.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2018
Comment from papa55mike
An excellent urban horror story. It's funny if people would just stay in the house they wouldn't find the monster. But Nooo! It makes for a great story though.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
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An excellent urban horror story. It's funny if people would just stay in the house they wouldn't find the monster. But Nooo! It makes for a great story though.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 06-Nov-2018
Comment from Kdee1
Your story drew me in and kept me there until the end. You are a amazing writer and have the talent to take hold of your readers and not let go. I loved it.
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Your story drew me in and kept me there until the end. You are a amazing writer and have the talent to take hold of your readers and not let go. I loved it.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2018
Comment from Insider98
This is a very brilliant entry. The story is well developed and makes you want to keep reading. You created a perfect atmosphere, ideal for Halloween. Good luck in the contest!
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This is a very brilliant entry. The story is well developed and makes you want to keep reading. You created a perfect atmosphere, ideal for Halloween. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 06-Nov-2018
