My Elementary School Playground
Freestyle or even worse, but the poetry is in the imagery.21 total reviews
Comment from Tina Crute
This is beautiful. Memories of childhood on the playground are coming to my mind now. I think that is what special about this poem. When others read it, they will go back in the recesses of their mind to think about their own memories, and get a special feeling from it. I like the specifics of it. It's not just a vague memory. This is wonderful :-)
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2018
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This is beautiful. Memories of childhood on the playground are coming to my mind now. I think that is what special about this poem. When others read it, they will go back in the recesses of their mind to think about their own memories, and get a special feeling from it. I like the specifics of it. It's not just a vague memory. This is wonderful :-)
Comment Written 15-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2018
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Oh wow! That is one of the intentions of my poem so I feel deeply honored to have this reviewed by you and thank you for taking the time to write it.
The crazy thing was my senior year was the worst on in my life as that sweetheart I talk about in the poem was struck and killed by a drunk driver. It would take 10 years after it happened for all of my school memories to come back to me and my first thought was BS! But there was adventure were I was able to prove most of them. Well misadventure as well, like my wife walking in from a bar and screaming, "You did have a fling with her!"
I was screamed at for a solid 45 minutes before I could say, "Rita, she has been dead for over 20 years." I also put most of my memories in my biographical work with still is not completed as the last section is, "My very own Christmas Carol." The one that explained why my loss was so great came in 2007 which was the final time and I let her know she still has my heart and I want it to be her." Well, I also convinced a Palestinian family that I was after their daughters. Got them to understand, but not until I convinced them I could and would not be converted to ISLAM or recruited for terrorism.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi Mike, what a great free verse - you should have put it in the contest. Great descriptive work. 'Yes, we got bruised, hurt and abraded, but were always told, "Just glad you didn't break the equipment." That made me laugh! Too much 'health and safety nowadays'. You started off this work so well in your first stanza -
In 5th or 6th grade our educator declared,
"Call me a cowboy and not your teacher;
my main job is to herd you like cattle!"
We figured he was right, though a bit rattled. ... Marvellous LOL!
And your quite moving finale -
Even through the dark years of loss that
playground in my heart is indelibly endeared.
With listening to generations that came after me,
a playground of plastic and grass doesn't
hold such a wonderful place in
their hearts and minds I fear. ...... Lovely - a good and very readable piece of work. Warm regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2018
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Hi Mike, what a great free verse - you should have put it in the contest. Great descriptive work. 'Yes, we got bruised, hurt and abraded, but were always told, "Just glad you didn't break the equipment." That made me laugh! Too much 'health and safety nowadays'. You started off this work so well in your first stanza -
In 5th or 6th grade our educator declared,
"Call me a cowboy and not your teacher;
my main job is to herd you like cattle!"
We figured he was right, though a bit rattled. ... Marvellous LOL!
And your quite moving finale -
Even through the dark years of loss that
playground in my heart is indelibly endeared.
With listening to generations that came after me,
a playground of plastic and grass doesn't
hold such a wonderful place in
their hearts and minds I fear. ...... Lovely - a good and very readable piece of work. Warm regards Dorothy
Comment Written 15-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2018
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I thank you very much for this review and sharing what you enjoyed about my work.
Comment from Boogienights
Nothing is the same as it used to be, I'm sorry to say. Back when I was young no parents that I knew of had to worry about their children every minute because the world seemed less dangerous, more innocent than today. Your poem brings to mind the city playgrounds in chicago, where our imagination was enough. Thanks for sharing this thought provoking poem.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2018
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Nothing is the same as it used to be, I'm sorry to say. Back when I was young no parents that I knew of had to worry about their children every minute because the world seemed less dangerous, more innocent than today. Your poem brings to mind the city playgrounds in chicago, where our imagination was enough. Thanks for sharing this thought provoking poem.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2018
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I thank you for such a wonderful review.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written free verse imagery poem about the playgrounds we had to play on when we were kids were much more interesting and lead us to imaginationable games that we cannot forget.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2018
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A very well-written free verse imagery poem about the playgrounds we had to play on when we were kids were much more interesting and lead us to imaginationable games that we cannot forget.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2018
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This poem is not imagery but crafted from real life memories. It was when parents, teachers and kids took the time out to get it right. I thank you very much for this review.
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello Mike, you are very adventurous in this poem, to try to capture the school life, the jungle of the playground where so much learning about life goes on.
I have the suggestion for improvement below.
'...Made an walk home with her interesting to me... ' This just needs a bit of help to be understood by the reader. Nothing much and thanks for sharing your interesting writing which paints a really good comparison between the playground now, and when you were at school.
Cheers, Anastasia.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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Hello Mike, you are very adventurous in this poem, to try to capture the school life, the jungle of the playground where so much learning about life goes on.
I have the suggestion for improvement below.
'...Made an walk home with her interesting to me... ' This just needs a bit of help to be understood by the reader. Nothing much and thanks for sharing your interesting writing which paints a really good comparison between the playground now, and when you were at school.
Cheers, Anastasia.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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I did put in a bit more work and feel it sounds better. I thank you vary much for this review.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
We look back at our childhood and it always seems so much harder than what children experience today. They used corporal punishments in my school which would horrify the children of today. I liked the sentiments and imagery here, love Dollyx
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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We look back at our childhood and it always seems so much harder than what children experience today. They used corporal punishments in my school which would horrify the children of today. I liked the sentiments and imagery here, love Dollyx
Comment Written 15-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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I thank you for your comments, compliments and this review.
Comment from meeshu
a wonderful reminiscence in verse. my experiences were similar to yours, we didn't have knee or elbow pads---we had scabs. great write, Mike...............meeshu
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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a wonderful reminiscence in verse. my experiences were similar to yours, we didn't have knee or elbow pads---we had scabs. great write, Mike...............meeshu
Comment Written 15-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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I really enjoyed this review and thank you for it. My son was trying to explain to my why video games are so cool and my reply was, "Jimmy, we did all those things for real and our cheap thrill was we only knew we had one life and no cheat codes."
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he is probably proud of his kill/ratio in those games. Hell, I killed a thousand Nazis a day with a tree branch gun.
Comment from Earl Corp
You made me nostalgic for for something I've lost. Youre right kids today don't know what they're missing. I'm surprised you got him out to a playground.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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You made me nostalgic for for something I've lost. Youre right kids today don't know what they're missing. I'm surprised you got him out to a playground.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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I tell you what, my son played video games and he was in danger of failing because he would stay up and think he could live off of two hours of sleep. Well he ignored me when I told him to turn off the game, so I went to the basement and shut off the power to the house. My wife felt that was an act of child abuse and almost called the police. We weren't married that much longer after that.
I enjoyed this review and thank you for it. I do agree with you.
Comment from Sanku
wow! it is an interesting poem. the theme is totally different from the usual poems i read here.
it brought a lot of nostalgic memory for me too.
our play ground was sandy and earthy . no grass no steel.so grazing our knees were the common accidents.
in the line.."Made an walk home....shouldnt it be 'a' instead of 'an'?
I liked the part with womanhood ....
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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wow! it is an interesting poem. the theme is totally different from the usual poems i read here.
it brought a lot of nostalgic memory for me too.
our play ground was sandy and earthy . no grass no steel.so grazing our knees were the common accidents.
in the line.."Made an walk home....shouldnt it be 'a' instead of 'an'?
I liked the part with womanhood ....
Comment Written 15-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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I thank you very much for your review and really enjoyed it. I did reword that section and improved it.
Comment from Cherubel
The words you've paved is as a landscape, but I feel safe to walk there and confident in knowing that such has gone before me or made it better for me or at least walked with me until it couldn't go any more. Do we even know its us who go? Leaves answers to question.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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The words you've paved is as a landscape, but I feel safe to walk there and confident in knowing that such has gone before me or made it better for me or at least walked with me until it couldn't go any more. Do we even know its us who go? Leaves answers to question.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2018
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Wow! I thank you very much for this review and extra star. It is also very much appreciated.
